Sneaky propoints

We talked about tracking at weigh in this week...

Oh, yes, I went ^_^ I'd lost 1lb since I'd last been, almost 2 months back. Actual loss for the week was 6.2lbs :)

.. anyway, we were talking about tracking and common mistakes. Yesterday while sorting myself a cuppa, I realised I just guess my milk. I know I have around a pint of skim a day, but I've gotten out of the habit of measuring it. Then I realised that though I say I've used 2pp, I've never checked to see whether the value for milk changed from old points to now. 0_0 I was more than a little shocked to find I'd been having 3pp more a day than I thought!! Oops.

Tracking very carefully this week, to avoid any more upsets like that! I lost a pp after losing weight this week too, down to 34. I'm ignoring the creeping thought of how much *less* food there'll be at 26pp!!

Am aiming for 2.5lbs a week until August (should see me hit 'overweight' around end of summer). I'd feel *really* good to maintain 2.5lbs a week while 'obese' and I KNOW it's doable for me, if I'm following plan properly.

Feels good to be back on it. Even if I'm feeling tired lots and cranky. The kids are big enough to understand that I need time/space as I get used to eating right again.. though they're not willing to give it to me, I don't feel too bad then about being snappy at them!!

Friday feeling ^_^

It's the arse end of a long week. Not had a day off (read, Sam about to do his 50%) in over a week. Still tired from wedding weekend etc.

Took Seth out to see avengers last night, took along prepointed noms, didn't have to break into weeklies which was awesome!

Sam isn't back until midnight ish today as he's gone out for a man-date after work. I'm tired, done a lot of heavy moving/cleaning today and just felt really hungry (missed dinner) - went to the fridge and raided it for this -




Feeling happy.

- Does this post seem more intelligent than average? Posted from my smartiPhone

Keep Living

It's the third day of me being aware of what I'm doing, eating mindfully, liking myself a bit more ;)

Thought I'd chuck up some recent photos, not because they're particularly brilliant pics, or that they're hugely motivational, but because I *have* some. While I have gotten huge again, I haven't stopped living. I'm insanely pleased about that!

I went to Harrogate a couple of weeks back - the furthest North I've EVER been! I tell you it was an epic adventure. To meet with a group of women that mean much to me. I didn't stay home and hide because I was 'too fat'. FFS, I cannot believe I trapped myself like that before. Sure, I felt aware that I wasn't feeling/looking how I'd prefer, but there's no way I was going to punish myself and miss out on seeing people I love!

The YIM mamas ^_^

My sister in law got married this weekend ^_^ Originally I had worked out I could be back to a healthy size by the big day. But, erm, yeh. As it was I got within a few lbs of my top weight. D'oh. Still, no point having a strop, I bought on big fat dress off ebay 3 days before, dyed my hair 'something' blue, and did my best to support the bride and found it very easy to get on and enjoy the day! Lots of dancing, chatting, a few glasses of champers and a little bit of cake made for a good day, regardless of being twice the size I desired!

I've been out with friends, travelling around to meet up and go out, to the pub, to roller derby, for Pho, to the cinema. I've kept up with my driving lessons, I've volunteered to help out at Seth's Beaver colony. I've taken the kids out to HE meets without worrying about what people would think about me. I've gone to the sports centre to get them doing various activities (this year so far - squash, rugby, swimming, dance). I've joined The Modified Dolls not 'waiting to be the right size' but jumping in and doing it anyway.

Yes, I stopped my gym membership. Money was tight, I hadn't used it for 6 weeks anyway. I will go back once I'm strong enough to use the gear again. I am back on weightwatchers plan, I feel good about where my head is at. I don't feel 'on it' or like I'm 'in the zone'. Just have a calm realisation that I need to do this. And I want to. And I want to do it for the rest of ever.

In the last 2 months I have had many 'big' pushes towards grabbing life and living it NOW. Just really backing up what I was already learning. Probably the biggest punch to the chest was watching a man who did get it lose his chance at living more. As I ate Ice Cream For Breakfast last month, I told myself this was going to be it. I had one month until the wedding, from the day after I was going to be on plan. Set new goals. Stick to them. Keep Living.

Self Rescuing Princess

All the targets are gone. We saw my sister in law married yesterday, and I was hugely overweight. It didn't kill anybody. Now though, I am ready to reclaim this poor body. I've so badly abused myself for so long and I'm ready to fight FOR me. I am ready to see myself as a whole person, who needs rescuing, and I'm the only person strong enough to do it.. Just watch me go now. Now that I feel well. Now that I can see how I am going to make this forever. Now that I don't need to fight myself. Now that my children understand that I need to look after me too. Now that I feel able and willing to stand up and do it. Now that I'm on my side ^_^

2.30am

3 days down. I've eaten *loads* of my weeklies. Still, lying in bed with my gut eating itself.

Nyaefgh.

I'm doing it. :)

Oh also - got the scales and my guess of 210 was spot on. Arse!

- Does this post seem more intelligent than average? Posted from my smartiPhone

Happy 2012!

I know I've been very absent, sorry about that blog. When I go off track I'm usually trying to hide from EVERYTHING. So, yeh.

This compulsive eating is a serious bitch of a disorder. I'm in agony again, physically.

Had promised myself that today I had to get back on it, regardless of whether I did I am committed to going back to the weightwatchers meeting next Monday.

My scales have broken so I don't know what the damage is, but 2 weeks ago I was 14st 7lb (203lbs) - I'm guessing I've hit 15st again. It feels that way.

I'm in pain, everywhere, all the time. I feel huge. Sweaty. Achey. My head hurts. I've got no energy. My joints feel as if they've been stuck in ice. I know all of this would stop if I looked after my body. It's *screaming* at me to STOP eating all the CRAP.

So, today I have.

I know those butterflies aren't going to fade away, every time I see them in my reflection I know what I have to do. Breakfast today was an omelette and latte. I have prawns defrosting ready for lunch. I've joined in with a 6week kick start event on Facebook with the ww5 group. My goal is to be 'overweight' for valentines day, instead of 'obese'. I'll get some new scales today so I can see what my starting point for 2012 is.

back on it ^_^

Miles walked - 30.5
previous weight - 196 BMI 33.6
current weight - 192 BMI 33
loss - 4lb
% loss - 2.04%


Feel happy with that result. Especially after a weekend of not much moving and lots of scrummy food - the big, gym-heavy front half of the week pulled me through for a 4lb loss.


11lbs to go to hit the 50lb off that I want for New Year, and 5 weeks to do it. It's a reasonable goal, and will feel amazing to start 2012 halfway to goal and in the 12 stone range. I'm going to do it. ^_^ 


Feeling back on an even keel. Spent yesterday in Brighton with a mate and tracked my eating (even with a visit to Choccywoccydoodah!)


Aiming for a 2-3lb loss this week. Going to eat all my daily & weekly but not touch my AP. Earned 48 last week, aiming for the same this week. ^_^