Monday, December 07, 2009


So - I was feeling really ready to knuckle back down. A month after last going to a meeting and totally off track again.

Checked my voicemail and found a message from a 'Sally' saying she was taking over the reins from Bridget, and to please let her know how I was doing.

So this morning I went back. Lapsed, up from 148lbs on July 20th, to 181lbs today. 0_o Just one teeny lb until I would have been back in the 13 stones. Erk.

Anyhow, I have charity shopped all but one pair of my fitting trousers, bought a shiny new tracker journal and have dragged out the kitchen scales. Am on points today, and threw 4 mince pies in the bin rather than down my throat. I am flab-fighting, hear me roar.

Thursday, December 03, 2009

*mutter* dusts off blog..


right.. where is that button to.. aha. Now how do I post again? Hello? Anyone still there?

Sorry to have been so spectacularly absent.


I have not been doing much of anything weight related. Been a mad few weeks. Just been doing life. Feeling good though, not comfort eating/bingeing, not obsessing about the scale. Just living.

I am determined to finish this though, to get to goal. Just, yunno.. it's a lifelong journey, and I intend to live a while yet, so not feeling the need to race myself anymore.

Thanks for nudges.. I am now finding an app so I can blog from my phone. I'll dust the scales off too and get some numbers up ;)

Hoping that the dust will then settle and I can fill you in on the last couple of months, and get back to speed and keep up with my wonderful bloglandfriends.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

week 62

and 7lbs off.

171lbs today, back over 50lbs lost, phew. Just .3 of not having an 'obese' BMI too.

Monday, November 02, 2009

twas the night before weigh in...

and I'm so ready to see those numbers move!! Have tracked all week, hoping for a decent drop at the scale tomorrow.

Have done a clear out of my wardrobes. Anything that is anywhere close to giving, size wise, has been bagged for charity. So, no way to pretend I can afford to mess about.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Day out with the boys.

Yesterday Sam and I took the boys to see 'Bob the builder Live' at Fairfield Halls. Booked it back in September, 2 hours before I found out that Sam had lost his job. The tickets were, of course, non-refundable. At £75 they were not cheap either.

The twins, being a bit young to sit still and not try and climb up to ride on Scoop, spent a few hours playing with their Nana and Grandad, who had taken the day off for them =)

Was lots of fun, totally worth doing. The boys were both in awe at seeing their favourite characters right in front of them, and it was nice to spend some time being 100% available for them, not with babies attached.

As I walked down our road to collect the girls from my mums, I was met with my dad pushing a double pram of screeching twins up to me. 4 hours is far too long to manage without milk it seems.. I knew my girls were milkaholics, but at nearly 18mos to not manage a 4 hour break (which included nap and walk) must be on the *my mummy makes the beshtesht milk evah!* end of the scale, lol.

Good day though, on points, no wheat, a bit of walking and 30mins Wii fit - 26mins of which were rhythm boxing.. sweaty.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


one day, 4lbs

That's how much the Wii recorded that I have lost in the last 24 hours. That's how badly I have been overeating..

Yesterday was good. On points, no wheat, went walking, did 30mins on the Wii fit.

Today is going well so far. Breakfasts have been eaten, I have fed the twins and the kids are playing happily for a few so I can type.


OK, spoke too soon. Anya is now on my lap sobbing because her top is not behaving as she would like..

Anyhow, this afternoon sees another appointment at the hospital for one of my sons. A contributing factor to me having gone so far off the rails has been the ongoing stress of getting through the maze that is the NHS system. Our weekly routine for Malachi is now nearly set. Portage therapist comes here weekly, he has weekly group sessions set up, as well as regular appointments one to one with SALT. Aside from that he has checkups with both his consultant and the audiologist periodically.

Today Seth is going to audiology, as part of his SALT referral. Having gone through the health visiting team, rather than the GP, Seths referral is less involved and much faster than Malachis was. A good thing because the boy is very worried about what is going to happen, and is needing lots of reassurance that it is non-invasive, and mummy will be right there to make sure no-one hurts him.

The set appointments, with people who we know, rather than this constant to-ing and fro-ing is something I really need, for the boys (particularly the eldest one) so they are not wired and freaking!! (and making me want to stuff chocolate in!!)

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

week 61 - back again

Will fill this out a bit more later - as kids and hubby are not letting me spend longer than 2 seconds at a time to think.

I went to a meeting today, long overdue.

I knew exactly what I was going to see. 30lbs on. Yikes.

Still, I have not been tracking, I have eaten whatever I got my hands on, and too much of it. I have not been as active as I ought to.

Sam starts his new job next week, the time since he was made redundant really has had me all over the place. Having him around has been fun. But my health has suffered.

I will blog all the reasons why I put weight on, and what I *should* have done, another day.

For today I am back to tracking, no wheat, going to make meal plans too..

This flab has got to go, I have no fat clothes left to wear!!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


for the lack of noise from me.

Thankyou to all who have emailed/left comments/nudged me elsewhere on the interwebs.

It's been a funny couple of weeks, I am on track, I will update and fill in soon, promise.

Lots of stuff has had me reeling, with the latest being Sam being made redundant today.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

In Leicester

In our travelodge, food eaten for the day on track, no wheat, a LOT of moving and my needing to do housework is on hold for 5 whole days, whoop!

Got a busy few days ahead, with needing to eat out for all meals. Am determined to stay off wheat and track as best I can. Looking to be home on Monday and back at 152lbs (which means losing 3lbs this week - we'll see how I manage!)

Had a tuna stirfry before I left, and found a wheat free maple and pecan slice and a chicken and bacon ranch salad at St Pancras station. Had a small portion of chips and fruit salad for supper - Sam was desperate for a Kebab, and I averted my eyes until the greasy (yummy) smell was gone.

Last time we were here we discovered the handmade burger co. just a short stagger from our hotel. Trying to be as thrifty as we can considering we need to feed 6 without any means to prepare/cook food, we're looking for deals when out and about. There's one advertised there to get a free kids meal with each adult meal bought until 4th Sept. So dinner tomorrow is found! Going to have to check out whether the burgers are wheat free though, even if they are I'll be donating my burger buns to the twins plates!!

Tomorrow morning we're doing the hotels breakfast - buffet style stuff, 2 free kids per paying adult. Am hoping for being able to really fill up with cereal, yoghurt, fruit and maybe some egg and beans. Have brought ryvita with me to munch with any preserve instead of the toast the hotel will provide. Then we're meeting with friends at the city farm for the day. Haven't seen one of them since her move to Norway nearly 2 years ago. Good time to be had I'm sure.. just got to steer clear of the farmhouse cakes.

Monday, August 31, 2009

sticking to it wk 1 - 93%

week 53 - 9lbs off,

Jumped on my scales this morning, hoping for a decent loss - and I got one. 11st 1lb, down 9lbs from last week. Whoop.

Stats as of today -
BMI - 27.4
Weight - 155 lbs, total of 67 gone forever. 14 til gold.

Have had a good week, not perfect by a long shot. Really went way over points on Thursday (30 extra, for the sake of full disclosure. I ate 2 big bowls of granola crunch and yoghurt as well as honey coated nuts) and went over again by 9 on Saturday (generic brand of chocolate nut spread, though the fact I *only* ate 3 ryvita slices topped with it is a minor victory!) So, 39 points over for the week - equals about 5.5 extra a day - the amount that I should be maintaining my weight on. Still, I got a loss of 9lbs, proving for me that the other stuff matters as much as the eating. I have looked after myself and the house this week. I have been a walking L'oReal girl - every time I'd falter, or doubt my actions repeating 'because you're worth it' to myself. By yesterday morning I believed it. I haven't had a smidge of wheat and the aches and pains are gone. After the first 4 days of headache and dry acrid mouth I've felt better than I have since late July. My bloated tummy has calmed down and the unexplained cough has gone. Each day I have done 30 mins worth of activity, be it a brisk walk, aerobics, or a session on the wii fit.

Sustainable, I haven't felt a real fire in my gut, or had to work hard for it this week. Good, because I need to do this for life. I really am beginning to understand this now. Maybe not the pointing and the sticker charts, fun as they are - but the wheat free living, positive thinking and actively looking after me a bit better are totally necessary for me to stay healthy.

Got my new sticker chart for the week up and ready - I am going to go for as good as, if not better than 26/28 this week! Hoping for another 3lbs off in the next couple of days, getting me back to 70lbs off for the 1yr anniversary of my starting this weightloss (3rd Sept 08).

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Not so Sunday

it's a grey and gloomy one, Sam is out for the day with his mates and I am just getting housework type bits done, preparing for our stay in Leicester later this week. Tomorrow we are going to the bank holiday donkey derby, and then Tuesday I'll be packing and doing last minute cleaning.

Not got WI tomorrow, and will be away for the next weeks, but fully intend to go back to my meeting on the 14th September, with my leader and card non the wiser of the last months difficulties! Last meeting I attended was July 20th, I weighed 148lbs. Am hoping to be back there (if not the 1lb lighter to take me to my 75lb certificate!) on her scales in 2 weeks.

Have had an OK week, not perfect but a 180 from where I had been for the majority of August. I feel like I've restarted, which is good. Have gone over points 2 days this week, but tracked each one, as well as stayed wheat free and active. My head is feeling a lot clearer and my home is so much better too. Every thing falls into place when my head is in the right place, the eating is just a symptom.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

oooh yes, I am back on track

Mad nasty withdrawal symptoms, but I am sticking to it. Think I am going to WI tomorrow to boost my ego a bit. Feel my clothes getting looser again, and am feeling less cranky and achey.

Took the halflings to the Horniman museum again yesterday, and was OP and wheat free despite being tempted by a very very yummy quiche (which I had to pass to Malachi at the last minute). On the way home I felt very ill, and had a nasty headache brewing - was sure that wheat and sugar would fix it, but I am not messing around this time. I will NOT turn 26 still overweight. Ignored the cakes and ice cream at the counter as I grabbed the kids something, instead opting for a fruit salad and (thankyou God) some tasty gluten free cookies.

Again today I wanted to overeat soo very badly. Have stayed strong though, and beginning to feel less cravings, definately feel more on an even keel emotionally, and already feel my tastes returning to prefering real foods.

Just need to keep this up now - I want a full shiny sticker sheet, and the healthier mind and body that represents.

Monday, August 24, 2009

week 52 - a gain, again.

Knew it was going to be, bounced back up 7lbs since last week. Sure it will melt away by Thursday as long as I get back to the plan.
stats as of today - BMI - 29.1 Weight - 164 lbs, total of 58 gone forever.

Been busily cleaning and decluttering the flat, stayed wheat free and on points and had a good walk today. There's 10 days til we go up to Leicester for a 5 day stay, 5 months after we last were there. It will also be a year since I went to my first WW meeting and I want to be back to my 70lb loss for then.

Got my sticker chart all ready for the week - an extra space for having done serious cleaning around the home. Am noticing days where I work hard at the house, the diet stuff follows. If I am looking after the home, I am looking after myself. Today I scrubbed walls, floors and skirting, got 5 liners of clutter out and cleared through the closets.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

a weekend of excess...

celebrating our 6th Anniversary. Lots of wheat, sugar and fat. And I have had a great weekend with my family.. worth every calorie.

After a cooked breakfast, we spent the Saturday over at MILs, she was back from a month touring and the kids were really pleased to see her. We had lunch at the pub which was our usual haunt during our college days 8 years ago. Then sun and sand and lush ice creams at the Priory park. A lazy, foody Sunday today. Sam had bought me chocolate logs after seeing the traditional and modern gifts for this year were chocolate and wood. Had Italian delivered for dinner, have notstepped foot on the kitchen, except to put away leftover dessert.

Expecting a gain tomorrow, but then it's back to the grindstone to get down to goal asap. I will not be turning 26 with a BMI over 25!

As for getting back into my dress.. forget that, I still weigh at least 30lbs more than I did on my wedding day 6 years ago. Still, this is the slimmest I have been since our first anniversary! Last year I remember reaching for Sam's jeans to wear, as I had gotten too big to fit my own. Disgusted and mortified when I could barely pull them on. The last year has seen a lot of very great changes.. and though the last 5 months have been a wobbly few, I've maintained my loss so far, and I know that I will reach my goal, even if my route takes me to see a few sights first.

I will get back into that dress, whether it's next month or next year, I am doing it.. you'll see. Meantime the fat pants of Sam's? We've chucked them, too big to be any use to either of us now.

Monday, August 17, 2009

week 51 - going down

Jumped on the scales and was happy to see effects of the last two weeks had not had a chance to make any permanent changes. Back down to 157/11st 3lbs, a drop of 9lbs in the last 4 days. Going to hope for a great, active couple of weeks to get me back as close to the 140s as possible for the 1 year mark.

Stats as of today -
BMI - 27.8
Weight - 157 lbs, total of 65 gone forever. 16 til gold.

Feeling like I'm back in it now, feels natural again to follow the plan. Had my resolve well tested with an outing to see the inlaws yesterday. Trip to the park with cafe and ice creams and then home cooked stodgy food, I held to my no wheat rule to pull me through, and by the time we were home I still had all my stickers, heh!

Saturday, August 15, 2009

point, and click, and stick...

I love tools. Fun stuff to keep me motivated and on track. Visual reminders, things to do to keep me interested, methods of making the weightloss game seem new and fresh.

Sam has really jumped on board with coaching me through this silly patch. Took me to Lorimers yesterday and told me to choose 3 packs of stickers - I am a geek, went for some
Star Wars, Marvel heros and Tinkerbell!! I am allowed one shiny glittery fun sticker each day if I achieve each of the following - for a Tinkerbell I have to be light and floaty and wheat free. Toget Starwars dude I have to feel at one with the force and stick to my points, and to get my Marvel hero I have to do 30mins excercise. Am chuffed to say I got all 3 yesterday =)

Also, vouchers from the insurance company have finally arrived, nearly 3 months after my camera died. So today we can go pick out a new one, yippee! Find being able to photo my food/see changes in pictures of me such a boost for keeping my head on straight. Visual kicks are mega important to me.

Still on track, feeling good. Down to 160 this morning, hoping to be well on my way through the 150s for Monday mornings WI!

Friday, August 14, 2009

In the interests of moving forward.

166. Thursday morning. Back to just 56lbs lost. Up 18lbs from July. Not good. BMI of 29.4. Way too close to moving back into obesity.

Obviously lots of it is water weight and will drop off once I'm back on track. As of this evening, after a solid 24hours wheat free and tracking for the first time in over a week, I had already dropped 3-4lbs.

I sit here tonight and am happy with my choices today. I feel hungry and it feels good! Was going down a road I travelled before, I don't want to go back there again.

10 days

that's how long since I last sat and got honest here.

I felt back on top of things, had everything all planned out. Back OP, no wheat, a lot of shredding and Wii-fit to get me sweating and burning fat.

Crashed again by Thursday afternoon. After taking the boys to the hospital for another assessment for Kai, and getting hungry and tetchy on the way home, I ate way too much sugar. We all got home from collecting the twins from my mum, and Sam walked in with a bag of chocolate croissants. I ate them. 'What the hell - I'm tired, had a long day, over points already.'

From then until now I have not tracked, I have shovelled whatever I fancy into my mouth. Each morning since Monday I have intended to get back on track, to cut my points drastically to eek back the damage. To cut wheat back out. I have gone off the rails within 30minutes of leaving my bed every day.

I feel totally burned out, tired and fed up of having to stop myself. Pity party for one. I am feeling quite overwhelmed with daily mumming of the kids, housework, and all that entails. The added stresses of having to change our routines to fit in new therapies for Kai, and having people come into the home is not helping, and I'm sick. Blame the wheat entirely, but reintroducing it has had some horrid effects on my health. I'm tired and achey, feel out of breath a lot, and for the last 2-3 days have had trouble breathing and a constant dry cough.

Last night I had enough, explained to Sam that I need hand holding and pulling back on track. I have set myself high goals and I can't reach them now. Instead of sulking and giving up I need to realise how much I have achieved. To have lost 60-70% of what I need to overall is not failing!! In any exam I have ever taken a result of 70% is most definately a pass!

So, starting again right now. Cutting the wheat back out and sticking to points. Giving myself a break from the exercise - aiming for 30minutes a day whether that be shred, Wii or a walk. I'm going to enjoy following the plan again and not aim for anything specific, but do hope to be at goal for when we go to Leicester in 4 weeks. Once I have made it to my gold goal I will set myself challenges etc.. for now I am making too much extra crap for myself to be coping with, and when push comes to shove, I will neglect looking after myself before I stop cleaning the house / caring for the kids / getting to appointments..

Ramble, ramble, just wanted to wave and say I am still here. Thanks to those who have checked in to see where I'm at. Sara, you were right, I was spreading nutella onto some toast as I read your email.. it *almost* made me stop.

I will WI again on Monday. I do know how much I weighed yesterday, do not feel like sharing that just yet though. Blugh. I am not giving up. Getting back up and dusting myself off. again.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Yes, indeed, I am a chocolate Ninja...

After reading the words in my comments - aside from suddenly feeling hungry for chocolate and then guilty that the first word of the pair hadn't resonated quite as strongly, leaving me overwhelmed with the desire to be performing hours of jumping squats or something (whew, that went on a bit) - I thought I'd better check what, exactly, I was about to chuckle at him for calling me.

Cos, yunno, it's Carlos we're talking about.

Enter google and the Urban Dictionary. And.. oh! Well, I am going to pretend not to notice the first definition. Admittedly I had half expected to get something of this genre pop up. ;) Obviously not my kinda ninja though..
but then there's a 2nd definition, oh yes. Class.

cartoon from

1. A somewhat-crazed female who takes to hanging around ceilings and yelling, "PANTS!" and other such nonsense at random intervals. Loves sugary things. 2. Someone who steals other peoples' chocolate bars.
1. Start making sense, you damn chocolate ninja! 2. Damn it, a chocolate ninja just stole my candy bar!

Oooh yes, that sounds about right. So - what does a Chocolate Ninja do when the rest of her family are in the garden eating fish 'n' chips? Well, today she made the choice to get inside and push that bit harder. Having only managed 15/30mins on the Wii fit, I decided I could do another Shred, up to level 2.

Wow that was tougher than level 1. Which, while it was still working me out, wasn't really pushing me like it did just a week ago. Aside from labour, I cannot think of when I have done anything to make me sweat anymore than the session I just completed. Was grateful to be able to modify a few of those, the sweat is still running 20mins after I've left the shower!!

Already, I can feel my body is more flexible and responsive and ninja-esque.. this is working well for me. Shred 8/30 done.

Pictures from crappy camera are just a poor representation of the molten mess I am. Did not know until today that getting perspiration in the eye stings! Even giving birth to my 10.5lb son at home I wasn't anywhere near that sweaty!! (Then again, I didn't have to do the whole she-bang inside 20mins)

Food today was good, 28/28
  • oat pancakes and jam
  • granola bars and nutella
  • 0 point soup (carrots, orange pepper, onion, mushrooms, and seasoning)
  • hard boiled egg salad (lettuce, tomato, cucumber, onion, cress and mushroom)
  • more soup (with extra peas in)
  • tuna in tomato sauce with stir fry veggies (onion, zucchini, mushroom and petit pois)

grr postie

has not delivered my graze box today. After getting all excited to snack yummies that I knew were winging my way, and them not arriving, come 11am I went to the cupboard to find solace.

There was a box of Seths granola bars, and a HUGE jar of Nutella. I ate one bar, yummy. Spread some nutella on another.. boohoo, my days planned food is ruined, that box looked so good and now it's not here! My hand moved to spread chocolate nutty good(bad)ness onto a 3rd bar, and I stopped.

I am not going down this path again, surely? Seriously, I am going to let a small box of seeds throw me off? I don't think so, no.

Instead of moping, I fished around the fridge for some 0 point veg, and knocked out a soup. 1 orange pepper, half an onion and 3 carrots chopped and boiled in a pint of gluten free bouillon, a quick whizz with the hand blender, and I chucked in some peas, mushrooms and seasoning. 2 big servings of chunky 0 point soup. After guzzling a bowl, my tummy forgot all about the nutella, and the graze box, and my mind fog cleared so I could prep lunch.

Now it's coming up to 4pm, the second of my usual witching hours foodwise.. I feel ok.. have my 2nd bowl of soup and a tuna stir fry ready to be warmed through for tea, then a fruit salad later. Am still on track. Take that disordered eating!

I faced multiple triggers
  • mental - unexpected changes to my plans, unruly kids, stuck indoors.
  • physical - hunger pangs, and trigger foods - cereal bars and nutella spread.
What I did differently today, was simply to make a choice. At the point of moving onto bar #3, where the physical hunger in my tummy wasn't in the drivers seat, and I could feel the binge gremlin getting warmed up, a glaze coming down and heard myself thinking "what the hell.." - that is the point at which I know I have a split second to decide who I will be. The woman who is doing a great job of losing her excess weight and reclaiming her health, body and mind? Or the mad, bad girl who wants to shovel endless calories, fats, and flavours down her throat to get her 'fix' regardless of who it hurts.

What I wanted was to comfort eat, I was truly hungry, and feeling a little sad and low.. so I found my body some foods that *would actually* provide comfort, satiate my hunger and leave me in a better state, physically and mentally. It is that simple. One good decision after another... this is what this week is about for me. Finding the alternatives, and coming out the other side feeling content and fulfilled, not bloated and guilty, or prideful but deprived.

If I can't be moderate, I can go for balanced! I don't need to be perfect, I need to make good choices most of the time, leaving room for my moments of madness.

Monday, August 03, 2009


or Wii..

Sam had chattered about buying me a Wii fit when I reached my 5th stone off.

Course that meant we needed a Wii too. So the payday after I reached that 152lb mark, Sam was to go buy the kit. That he did, just over a week ago. *grin*

Have enjoyed getting to frips with it. My 'Mii' is a bit podgy, but she kicks arse on the aerobics. Been clocking up 30 minutes a day on it and it's really easy to do around the kids (especially as Seth has set up his own profile and does jogging and balance games).

As well as my shred today, I have been boxing, done a step aerobics class and done a good few minutes of yoga. Seeing as getting to the gym is not something I will be able to do for a while yet - this really is a godsend. Love it =)

Totally on points today, have done an hours worth of working out, including the shred. We went blackberry picking, and then Seth had a turn at making jam, which we'll try on our oat pancakes tomorrow. I also made wheat free brownies this evening. Yums. Was a weightwatchers recipe in this months letter with my monthly pass, I just substituted blended oats in place of the flour.

POINTS® Value: 2
Servings: 16
Preparation Time: 15 min
Cooking Time: 30 min
Level of Difficulty: Easy
Using pureed prunes means you can cut the fat in these yummy chocolate brownies.


150 g dried prunes, ready to eat, pitted (I used 250g ready soaked prunes - made for less work and super moist brownies)

5 spray low-fat cooking spray

100 g chocolate, plain, broken into pieces

1 large egg(s), beaten

150 g light brown sugar, or muscovado

60 g cocoa powder, 3 tbspns

75 g flour, plain (75g oats, blended until like flour)

1 pinch salt

2 portion egg white

1 heaped teaspoon cocoa powder, for dusting


  • Put the prunes into a bowl and cover with boiling water. Leave to soak for about 2 hours, or overnight.

  • Put the prunes into a saucepan with 50ml of their soaking liquid. Heat and simmer for about 10 minutes, until just a little liquid remains (about 2 tbsp). Puree with a stick blender or in a liquidizer until smooth. Cool completely.

  • Preheat the oven to 180°C / fan oven 160°C / Gas Mark 4. Spray a 20cm (8 inch) square cake tin with low fat cooking spray, then line with greaseproof paper.

  • Melt the chocolate in a heatproof bowl, positioned over a saucepan of simmering water.

  • In a mixing bowl, beat together the prunes, whole egg and muscovado sugar. Sift in the cocoa powder, flour and salt and fold in with a metal spoon. Add the melted chocolate and stir in gently.

  • In a large grease-free bowl, whip the egg whites until they hold their shape. Tip them into the chocolate mixture and fold in gently. Transfer to the prepared tin and level the surface.

  • Bake for 25-30 minutes until firm to the touch. Cool, then cut into 16 squares. Serve, dusted with a little cocoa powder.

week 49 - proving my point

I need to be wheat free. I need to be thinking about the choices I make every second. I am not in the place where I can let go and just eat as I choose.. not unless I am going back to living with obesity.

Stats as of today -
BMI - 27.8
Weight - 157 lbs, total of 65 gone forever. 16 til gold.

So, I am still 9lbs up from 2 weeks ago. Have lost 3.5lbs over the weekend though!

Seeing a gain of almost a stone in just a few days of eating foods that are not good for me was shocking. Easy to see how just a couple of months of that type of eating could have my body plumped right back up to it's former glory. Last week was a fail in every way. I ate really badly. Too much, snacking, on the go, empty calories. It didn't satisfy me, all the food I thought I was craving and missing out on - actually didn't live up to the hype once I got my jaws around it. As well as the weight gain, my body was weakened. I couldn't get myself together to exercise, my muscles ached. Getting out the house or doing more than bare minimum on the movement front has been something I felt was out of my reach, feelings of lethargy and mild depression clouding my days and mood. Yuck.

So, change, quickly. Eating good whole foods that fuel my body to run healthily and efficiently. Using and strengthening my muscles and burning the fat by picking back up on the 30 day shred. Drinking plenty of fluids to help my body rid itself of the waste of this last week. Getting my head back into a healthy mindset.

Week 50 starts next week, I want to see that I've lost an average of 1.5lbs a week - and that ever elusive 75lbs off WILL BE MINE! (I would laugh, but I really, really do mean it every time!)

Friday, July 31, 2009

Oh crappity crap..

Jumped on the scales to fully assess the damage. I knew it would be bad, but yikes.

11st 6.5lb. 160.5lb. A gain of 12.5lbs!!

OK, lots and lots of water and moving and fresh foods. Going to zap this wheaty bulge back off pronto.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


I clamber back onto the wagon, flushed and struggling to catch my breath.. hoping somehow that no-one noticed me slip off .. an awkward moment as I attempt to squish myself back into the space vacated just days ago, surely the week of eating can't have been THAT bad? Skinny gold0member neighbour moves up the bench, with a raised eyebrow at my sheepish expression, before motioning to me to sit down. A friendly newbie finds it in their heart to help me out, and mimes wiping at their mouth - oops, no wonder skinny next door is still glaring daggers..

Already having to put up with my flabby, sweaty mess of a body sat practically onto her knee - the evidence of my crimes are not only apparent in my bloated waistline, but are literally still splashed across my face. After wiping the chocolate spread from my cheek, I fish some wipes out of my bag, rustling wrappers as I go, and frantically swab at the syrup on my jeans.

Once cleaned up I sit back and attempt to regain my calm composure . The wagon is still moving, my work is not all undone. A few days hanging out with old friends at 150 doesn't mean I'll wake up in 220, just means I won't get the financial benefits of living at 140, or see the sights of 130, or feel the thrill of reaching 120, my dream neighbourhood. The journey is still ongoing, my ticket valid. I can make stops along the way.

What went wrong? I ate wheat. A total accident, and one I only worked out days after the fact. It was a teeny tiny amount, but Oh My Granola, the repercussions...

Last week I attended 4 events with party eats, 1 BBQ and 3 picnics. Picnic 1 on Monday was OK. I ate my pointed goodies and was happy as Larry on Prozac. Wednesday was a teddy bears picnic at playgroup. I was stuck as nearly everything was wheat-y. Managed to make a small plate with cucumber, strawberries, cheese and a Jordans oat bar. That evening I craved food, though I was already over points.. my tummy grumbled all night, and the net morning I felt bloated but ravenous. Thursday and Friday I struggled to stay on track. I felt like I had an upset stomach and wanted to eat and eat.

Saturday we had a picnic with friends. Overate badly. Sunday we went to a BBQ. I abstained from anything wheat-y. Plumping for salad and potatoes. Got home and overate. Monday I skipped WI, it was tipping it down, but I couldn't pretend to be any less than thrilled not to go. Yesterday I went over points, as I did today. 2pm this afternoon I reach to get a Jordans oat bar, and note the new packaging on this box, like the one I ate at the tots picnic last Wednesday.. hang on.. it contains wheat bran?? Eh? Check the old bars.. nope, no wheat.. ohhhh %&*%$ that explains that then. About 10grams of wheat last week, and the new regime crumbled.

Well, back on the horse now.. onwards and downwards = and no more hiding and scoffing.

Am probably back over 155 now. Definately not going to hit goal for Monday, unless I chop off a limb. Am thinking it would not work well, long term.

Still, my goal is to get back on track. Get weighed on Monday and then use the remaining 3 weeks til my anniversary to work my arse off to reach gold, and fit that dress.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

never mind muscles of steel..

mine are going for lead. Midweek check in showed a 1/2lb loss, I assume once my muscles get used to the 30DS they'll stop retaining water. To have a loss of 3-4lbs next week I need to really stay on target with both the workouts and my diet.. and very importantly, up my H2O intake.

After shredding twice yesterday, I woke up sore, like I felt after doing my initial test for the 200squats. Still managed to take advantage of my mum turning up offering to walk the girls for thirty minutes.

The first circuit is the killer. Once I'd pushed through it each time yesterday everything did just seem to get easier. Today, despite the soreness, the circuit wasn't as rough. Not easy (yet) but easier. Wasn't needing to modify any of the moves, and felt my body take to some of the strength moves less stiffly than yesterday too.

Am sat here typing, and I ache! Have really pushed today. As well as the shred, I took the kids down to the playground and park. It's at the bottom of a mile long hill. We live at the top. I pushed Kai and our stuff in the buggy (combined weight 60lbs) and carried the girls (40lbs) down and up again.. had also distracted myself earlier from the remains in the bottom of the Nutella jar by testing my thighs and doing 200 squats. Been 6/7 weeks since the final test for the challenge, but the muscles have kept getting stronger. Can feel the soreness all over, most excitingly in my abs *that means that they must exist!*

Food today:

  • oatibix with skim milk
  • grapes
  • nutella on ryvita
  • eggs and salad
  • strawberries, choc coated rice and yogurt
  • pate and cucumber on crispbread
  • dried fruit mix and meringue
  • ready salted french fries
  • greek yoghurt with honey and pecans
Bit of a sweet day, but am on points, so will let myself off

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

you are well on your way to being shredded...

does she have to say it with such sadistic glee? Have to admit, was a huge relief to hear that sentence, allowing me to melt into a heaving, sweaty mess of a person-puddle on the floor. For the 20 minutes prior I had been following her commands, pushing myself harder than I have done since I last gave birth.

A mother of 4 should not be scared of a 20 minute workout. If I repeat that often enough I may begin to believe it.

Unable to wait, patience never my strong point, I re-juggled my planned challenges.. to be honest I am a bit burned out with the pushups challenge, while I am determined to complete it, week 4 seemed a good place to break.

I have 31 days until my anniversary. I want to drop at least another 15lbs by then, and get into the dress. The shred seems the obvious method of achieving that goal. Plus I want to join Solveig as she shreds. Misery loves company.

So, when my mum offered to take the twins for 45mins this morning, I knew it was time to bite the bullet and rip open that DVD. Lately it's been everywhere - in my twitter and facebook feeds, on my blog reader, and the reason? It kicks arse, takes just 20mins and really works!
The DVD has 3 workouts, in 'levels', each harder than the last. Workouts about 20 minutes, and contain three 6 minute long circuits. Each circuit is 3 minutes of strength, 2 minutes of cardio, and 1 minute of ab work. Jillian says to shred daily for the best results, 10 days at each level.

Between now and 22nd August I will shred 30 times. I intend to shred daily, and move up the levels as suggested.. I'll need to get strong fast!

I really pushed myself in order to complete the workout, boy! I am fairly active but this pushes you to really give everything you can. Knowing that it was just 20 minutes, I kept going. After circuit 1 I didn't know if I had it in me to complete. I hadn't needed to modify the moves too much.. my strength is fine but my endurance is poor! Too used to being able to sit under feeding twins I feel? In any case I made myself forge on. Circuit 2 was alright. The 3rd, though hard, was almost enjoyable. I believed Jillian when she told me that the burn was good, that my body was adjusting. She was so motivational, pulling me through, I almost felt bad for having sworn at her minutes earlier. The cooldown stretches were like heaven. Then came the torrential rain-sweat. A quick shower and cool water later, and I was very pleased to be started.

Having gotten onto it, I want to catch up with Sol, so this evening I shredded again. I sweated the same, I swore more, I modified less. These are good changes I feel!

Shred 2/30 completed.

Food today:
  • Oat and fruit pancakes with jam
  • greek yoghurt with raspberrys
  • choccy buttons
  • ryvita and nutella
  • strawberries
  • egg and cheese with salad
  • ryvita and pate (yay found a wheat free one) and cucumber

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


Finally got hold of a copy of Jillian Michaels' 30 day shred, though my DVD player being region 2 only - I will have to use my laptop.

My mate Solveig has just started blogging her weightloss, she's down 17lbs already! Last night she began the shred, and I'm green with envy. Will have to start this soon, had wanted to start today and be shred buddies, but after 10minutes and having hollered at the kids several times to not lie in front of my feet/jump on my back/play with the laptop I gave in. Will need Sam to take the kids to play in the garden each evening to do it, they always want to join in if I exercise at home.. cute for about 20 seconds, then very annoying. So once I have my challenges done, I will move onto the shred.

Have just over a month between our wedding anniversary and my birthday, so am planning to do the shred then, as new incentive once I am easily able to fit back into my dress!! Meanwhile I am looking forward to hearing about how Sol finds it. The promise of 20lbs in a month has my unwavering attention.

Food for today:
  • porridge
  • grapes and strawberries
  • scrambled egg and cottage cheese with pork stirfry (carrots, corn, peas, peppers, beans and onion)
  • oat and blueberry pudding with blackcurrant jam
  • gluten free, dairy free, egg free tiffin (a tray of it, was delicious!)
  • raspberries and vanilla yoghurt.
  • 3 milk choc buttons and 4 dried strawberries.

(heavy on the oats to try and stabilise my poor gut after yesterdays day of fructose and sucrose!)

Monday, July 20, 2009

just another manic Monday..

That was a fun, exhausting, hard, relaxing day of hectic activity. After weighing in this morning we went back home and got the youngest 3 to nap while sorting emails and giving Seth input on what to pack for our picnic in London.

As we were leaving the hospital calls with details of Kai's appointment with his therapist. She sounded nice enough. First visit in 2 weeks time. Phew.

Dropped Malachi at my mums (as well as needing his therapy, he would need to be in the buggy for travelling, hate doing that across London, and he wouldn't have been able to join in playing, so he got an afternoon being spoilt with Nana) and got to our train. The twins sat with Seth munching grapes and chattering about Big Ben. Finally we got to the picnic at about 2pm, after a good trip through to Westminster, and a few minutes gazing at Big Ben and Westminster Palace. First time Seth has seen them other than on Doctor Who - he was very impressed!

Had a great time at the picnic. Was really lovely to meet, in the flesh, people I've been chatting with since Seth was new. To see so many happy babies and their mums all together 'in real life' was heart-cockle warming. To have a couple of MPs come and talk with us about why we were there was brilliant too, of course. Got to play with little babies, and tweak a few slings, which is always an easy way to make me happy on a day out. The girls were in flirty mode, parking themselves on laps and attempting to feed an MP their snacks, occasionally returning to nurse/for a photo op. Seth had a blast running about with the other older kids, playing bad guys and 'arresting' people - I blame it on the many, many police about as we walked past the houses of Parliament. He had an upset tummy on the way home. Meant having to drag him through Westminster and the tube, which was pretty awful, but he was better once he cleared his system (TMI warning too late there) and we had a pleasant mooch home. Still, he reckons he had fun, wants to go back tomorrow.

Got home and tallied up the points (I really ate silly food today) to discover I had 1 left. So I made a veggie stirfry, and finished in time for Sam to get in and give me the news that he's got a promotion. Yays. A 10% pay rise, uncapped commission and move to team leader on his 12month mark in the company. Fantastic news. 4 months to go. Am very proud of him.

Today's food *ahem*

  • Snickers bar
  • almonds, cranberries and strawberries mix
  • HUGE punnet of grapes
  • chocolate covered raisins
  • yoghurt covered strawberries
  • Vegetable stirfry
Chocolate, fruit, nuts, fruit, fruit, chocolate, fruit, yoghurt, fruit, veggies... my belly is happy and a bit sore..

week 47 - sooo close, still smiling

Was not-so-secretly hoping for a mega loss this week, and to get to 75lbs off. I got 1 of the 2.

3.5lbs off at the scales. Meaning I'm back to 148lbs for the first time since July 2004. 5 years of flab melted away. Fabulous.

Another wobbly 1lb would have gotten me to my 75lbs, but I am really chuffed with what I have managed this week. To lose 3.5lbs even though I did eat an extra 28 points over the week is awesome. On top of the growth spurt, the girls are teething, and ramping up on their feeds. I have been extra hungry. Still, 4 extra points a day and a significant loss. I'll take it gladly. Also chuffed that cutting out the wheat has given me the boost I was hoping for.

Stats as of today -
BMI - 26.2
Weight - 148lbs, total of 74 gone forever. 7 til gold.

So, gunning for a repeat this week. Have a couple of goals in grasping distance.
  • 1lb until 75lbs certificate
  • 2lb for my 4th 10%
And if I can maintain this rate of loss for the next 2 weeks, I will reach goal for the first week in August as hoped. Had a Mars Snicker bar to celebrate - 7 points!!

Going to Westminster for a picnic in the shadow of the houses of parliament this afternoon. Am planning to stay OP and enjoy sitting in the sun in the city (after walking in the rain yesterday).

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Race for Life

Done! Whew - the walk itself was fab. The girls both caught a nap while I walked around Hyde Park, and we made it around inside the 1 hour we were hoping for.

Was a busy event, 13,000 women taking part. Meant to begin at 11am, runners didn't set off until 11.15, and we walkers finally crossed the start line at 11.55am! Pleased to have taken part - even though the babies were hard work on the train/bus journey.. stoopid Sunday timetables meant we were tired by the time we got back home at 4. Worked out with all the getting there and back included I had done over 10k, the easier 5k being the race!

Plan to run it next year - minus the baby weights!

Food today has been good:

  • strawberries, puffed rice and natural yoghurt
  • granola bar
  • roast chicken and vegetables (parsnips, carrots, swede, cauliflower and broccoli)
  • ryvita, cream cheese and cucumber
  • greek yoghurt and honey

Saturday, July 18, 2009


no.. not a bad day, quite a good one in fact. OP, eaten well, moved lots, all happy. Ready for race for life in just under 14 hours time.

Sure that I am going to see great results come Monday at WI.. just as I can see them now.. in my pants.

For all the changing of clothes, I am still in the same underwear as I was at the start. Size 18-20, stretched (and I think, maternity) pants. They used to be really too tight, and uncomfortable. If I moved too much they would cut me. Being in denial, it didn't cross my mind that I needed a bigger size. Outrageous thought! I assumed it was just the elastic. Well, yes, it was.. the too small elastic.

Now they are silly big, they sag like I've been swimming, and bunch up out the back of my trousers.. was totally unaware until Sam, giggling, pointed this out to me. Task for next week - underwear shopping.. ohh lala!

Been out 12 hours today.. ate a big brekkie before going to rugby, and then took snack pots and a lunch with me to the inlaws this afternoon, while avoiding a minefield of very tempting, very naughty food. Thought I was happy with the willpower yesterday.. today I was superwillpowermama!

Food today:
  • oatibix and skimmed milk
  • plain ryvita and honey
  • macadamia nuts and cranberry mix
  • vanilla fat free yoghurt with strawberries and meringue
  • fish and vegetable stir fry
  • 0% fat Greek yoghurt with maple syrup
  • ready salted french fries

Food I really wanted, but pretended to ignore, focusing on disguising that I was drooling while watching my family eat it - not all of it had wheat.. some I just made the choice not to eat those empty cals - yay yay!
  • crumpets with jam
  • honey on toast
  • pizza
  • pasta
  • sausage rolls
  • pate on toast
  • garlic bread
  • cadbury's chocolate fingers
  • crisps
  • vanilla ice cream
  • chocolate ice cream
  • chocolate sauce
  • iced gems
  • brownies
  • ham

week 4 - hitting 100+ in a session now

week 4

Day 1
set 1
set 2
set 3
set 4
set 5
max (at least 25)

Am still sulking about my injured shins, but it hasn't stopped me doing my push ups. Did 26 at the max again today.. a couple more and I would have hit that 100 for the day. 98 completed today, arms all wobbled out.

Day 2
set 1
set 2
set 3
set 4
set 5
max (at least 28)

Day 2 was OK. Though oddly my elbows are on fire. Think it's inflammation, and more to do with my crappy eating than anything, but pushups were making it flare. Bit stupid of me to expect my body to get stronger by pushing and pushing, but refusing to fuel it properly. Anyway, 113 today. Needed to stop a few times to get my arms to recover though..

Day 3
set 1
set 2
set 3
set 4
set 5
max (at least 33)

Crap. This took 5 attempts to complete. Not good. I really feel I am pushing against a brick wall. My back hurts too much to complete more than about 25 before I collapse in an achey heap. Really feel wheat is to blame. Hoping that once it is out of my system the inflammation will subside and I can really strengthen up the muscles in the areas that are weakened by arthritis. Day 3 saw 130, but certainly not in those sets! (More like 7 sets of 20)

week 4 complete - 341 for the week.

Friday, July 17, 2009

wearing size 'S'

Bought myself a nursing top from H&M a couple of weeks back. They are a bit pricey for a basic top, so I have always made do with my normal clothes, and worn a belly band underneath to hide my jiggly tummy when feeding the girls. As the weather has gotten warmer, and my belly less jiggly, I have not been bothering with the bands so much.. preferring to wear a strappy top and shirt, or just feed one at a time, to avoid exposing my midriff.

Last Saturday I had gone out wearing a completely useless top, as far as feeding was concerned. We popped into H&M to get the girls some new trousers, ans I spotted the top I had been eyeing.. there was a small and a medium left. Sam picked up the small, not batting an eye and paid for it, sure it would fit. I was not so optimistic, but agreed that it would get used at some point soon.

Today I wore it, fits perfectly and so nice to be able to feed both girls without tugging away at my hem! Wow, a small! Also wore my new pair of sugar knee highs (making the most of the rainy weather - at least I can enjoy boots) and after having to yank them up to re-tie realised what a NSV that was - not only can I get the things up over my legs - they are big enough to fall down unless adjusted! No excess calf flab holding them up! Yay.

Food today:
  • oatibix and skimmed milk
  • plain ryvita and honey
  • tuna napolitana (no pasta for me) with mushrooms, onion, peas, corn, pepper, carrots and broccoli
  • 0% fat Greek yoghurt with honey and pecans
  • small portion of chip shop chips and ketchup
  • handful of strawberries

Food I really wanted, but lovingly dished up to my family without eating any, cos it had wheat:

  • crumpets with jam
  • honey on toast
  • cocktail sausages
  • pasta
  • ice cream
  • ardennes pate *sob*
  • chicken nuggets
  • proper chip shop burger
  • battered cod *tummy rumble*
  • strawberries and cream on scones with jam *wails*
I am proud of me today. I am a little hungry, but will grab some fruit in a bit. Busy weekend ahead now. I really want to stay on track and see a fantastic result on Monday.

WHat *do* you EAT?

Over the last week, as I've turned down biscuits at playgroup, explained why I wouldn't be eating the scones and cream teas, emailing friends about not worrying about needing specialty stuff for me for an upcoming BBQ and blogging about the greatness of week 1 wheat free - the subject of what I can eat has been one that has come up frequently.

The idea of not eating anything containing wheat sends some into a mild panic (I was one of them).. "no bread? no flour? no PASTA?" "What on earth *can* you eat?" "Must get very boring/be very difficult" "It's in WHAT? HTF are you meant to avoid it when it's in so many foods??"

I have been amazed at the amount of foods (mostly, and not by coincidence I'm sure, in the foods I 'prefer') that contain wheat. Picking up my favourite chocolate bar - a galaxy caramel - I see wheat listed in the ingredients. Sam is once again free to have his favorite ice cream in the freezer, as it contains wheat, and so is safe from my gut, under strict orders from my resolute brain.

Sausages, burgers, kievs etc - all not allowed. Meaning I am forced to eat more poultry, lean meats, beans and *shock* fish for protein. I have eaten more variety this week than in the 3 months previous.. so cutting wheat has certainly not been boring. Neither has it been difficult. We are lucky to have *so* much variety available to us now, there's no reason to need to eat wheat. The supermarkets have loads of gluten free products in their free from ranges now. While expensive, they can be useful on days (like Monday this week) when you just *have* to have a bun, or pitta, or cake slice..

So far in the Sainsburys free from range I have tried the caramel slices, chocolate tiffins, hot cross buns, and pitta breads..

Caramel slices felt heavy, too dry, and just didn't quite crumble the way I wanted. Oh, and they were 3.5 points per teeny sliver... sooo not worth it. Though, really they probably tasted close to the real thing - my tastes have changed.

The tiffins were fab. Again a bit more crumbly than crisp, but not too dry, and rich enough to seem very naughty and treatlike.

The hot cross buns again were heavy and drier than usual ones. I sliced them into 4 layers, rather than 2, before spreading them, so they weren't *as* dry. Better to treat them as toasted fruity scones than buns.. with that my head was fooled and I was happy.

The pitta breads are great. Dryer than normal, again.. but fling a bit of water at them and once toasted and filled they did the trick.

So you can continue to eat those things if you really want to.. but there's plenty of other foods to eat anyway. I'll start to outline my daily foods when I blog, so anyone interested can get an idea of the possibilities. At the same time, I'm very open to receiving any ideas/recipes to try!

Yesterdays food:

  • Strawberries and kiwi with 0% Greek yoghurt.
  • 2 oatibix and skimmed milk.
  • almonds, cranberries and raisins.
  • tuna in sauce and stir fry vegetables.
  • chocolate coated rice with raspberry yoghurt.
  • honey cashews and apple slices.
  • pumpkin seed ryvita with chicken and salad.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

How much difference a (wheat free) week makes...

Last week I was so bloated I could barely do up my trousers, was glad of my too big ones still hanging about. Too much wheat had gained me back any weight I'd lost in the previous 3 months, I was 162lbs again. Thursday at 5pm I scarfed down a batch of blueberry muffins as I said a fond (if foolish) farewell to the wheat.

Forward to today and at 5pm, after eating my dinner I am on my scales 151 - a loss of 11lbs in 1 week!

After buying some of Sainsburys size 12 jeans last week, to tide me over from my 14 wardrobe until I can fit the many size 10 trousers I have waiting, they are already a bit loose. I decided to grab a pair of 10s, as a motivator to shrink into (plus their sizes are generous, so I'd fit these before my other bits). Tried them on to see how far I had to go - and I can do them up. I need to lose an inch or too from my tum still - have a mini muffin effect at the moment, and they feel tight, but honestly, they are as tight as the 12s are loose.. I'm close!! Wow. A 10 UK/US 8 !!

midweek check in time

and I've lost 2lb since Monday. Which means, finally, that my weight has left the 150s! 149.5lbs this morning. Just need another 2.5lb for Monday morning to hit my target of 75lbs off.

Sam is off for the rest of the week, and we've a busy weekend, so I should burn lots and not have reason to munch out of boredom, yay!

Stats as of today -
BMI - 26.5
Weight - 149.5 lbs, total of 72.5 gone forever. 8.5 til gold.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

wheat free pancakes - YUM

Today when Sam got home at 6.30 as usual, I was stuck under the late-to-nap twins. We'd been out all afternoon and they'd fought sleep until after I had made the kids tea, but went into meltdown before I had the chance to sort myself. Had prepared Sam's meal earlier, so he was happily eating while I sat fidgeting, trying to speed up the nursing session.

7pm and I'm in the kitchen, having plenty of points left and fancying something sweet, but filling, I remembered the wheat free pancake recipe Andrea left me last week. After googling for help with translating the measures into English, I was off.

Diet Pancake Recipe - from the South Beach diet.
* ½ cup (75g rolled oats) Old Fashioned oatmeal (not instant)

* ¼ cup (50g) low fat cottage cheese

* 4 egg whites

* 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

* ¼ teaspoon cinnamon (I use more)

* ¼ teaspoon nutmeg

* 1-2 packets splenda

* a handful blueberries or whatever fruit you want.

Process all ingredients except fruit in a blender until smooth. Add fruit and spray a non stick pan or skillet with cooking spray. Add batter and cook over medium heat until both sides are lightly browned.

'Cos I had the points free, I used 25g of dried, sweetened blueberries *and* drizzled 20g honey over the top =)

Result was a very yummy treat, 6.5 points and scrummy. Tasted like a mix between pancakes, and oatmeal and raisin cookies.

100 hours

until the Hyde Park race for life on Sunday. Looking forward to it, especially now that walking doesn't jar my shins anymore!

MySpace Countdowns

Entered back when they were just 9 months old, and was wearing them every day.. now they are 14 months, and (thankfully) I still carry them together whenever we got out (unless it's with my mum, usually then 1 twin gets a buggy ride!) Seemed ages in the future when our pack came through - but here I am, 21lbs lighter, and ready to race (or at least walk quite fast!)

Nearly halfway to raising my goal of £200 for Cancer Research too.

Monday, July 13, 2009

withdrawal hits..

ooh there were signs it was coming but I wanted to pretend it wouldn't happen. Have felt mildly irritated and waiting on a headache since Saturday evening, and today after lunch I dozed off while the girls nursed/napped. Has been ages since feeding the girls made me fall asleep, and I woke feeling refreshed (which was weird and nice all at once). It was a lie. Halfway to Sainsbury's I suddenly felt shattered, fluey and achey. My head was pounding, I was sweating and felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack, except it was all physical, emotionally I felt OK.

Quite obviously die off! I found the water aisle and chugged down 2 bottles while shopping, managed to get everything (and found a great pair of jeans - had been moaning about not having any fitting jeans now) and paid and got back to meet Sam on time.

Monday is chippy night - I had bought a chicken instead of the battered fish, so once we collected our chips we sat on the field near our home and had our evening nosh. I felt so rough, managed a 1/2 portion of chips but couldn't face the chicken. Kept chugging water while my head was beating angry rhythms and I felt queasy but like I was starving. The wheat toxins were not happy to be evicted!

Am now 4 days and 5 hours out - 101 hours since wheat went into my body. I did not give in. Feel better now, 2 litres of h2o and a galaxy bar later (though not my fave galaxy caramel - it has wheat, boo!)

week 46 - 128 points over for the week.

I have 28 a day, or 196 a week. Last week I ate 324. That's 46 a day, even more than I was eating when I began pointing, weighing 16 stone and exclusively breastfeeding 3 month old twins.

Last week I was confused to gain 1lb after being on track. This week I am confused again, after eating an extra 18 points a day, and losing 0.5lb.

Stats as of today -
BMI - 26.8
Weight - 151.5 lbs, total of 70.5 gone forever. 10.5 til gold.

Really, it's explainable. I'm not going to think that I can get away with eating so much and losing! Since I had a weird gain the week before, which was bound to be water weight, it's expected to see a decent loss the week after. Added to that, I have stopped eating wheat. Once before I cut bread out of my diet for a week when using Weight Watchers, back in 2004. I lost 5lbs in that week, after months of 0.5/1lb losses. So cutting the wheat out was bound to mean a big loss, regardless of my silliness earlier in the week.

*and* I wasn't eating 46 points a day, all the overeating was done in the front half of the week, weight was up to 162 by Thursday, and back to 151.5 today - so this week really saw a gain of 10lbs, followed by a loss of 10.5lbs. - Kinda don't mind my class not knowing that though!

So, onwards and downwards - breaking up with wheat is working well for me, and I am excited to get my 75lbs (come on, please!!) this week. 4.5lbs to go - my (slightly less) bloated bod will thank me.

measuring up...

hoping this'll give me some good news this morning - am not expecting to be thrilled at weigh in..

Another new tracker was started this week. Time to take more measurements. There was a lot more difference in these numbers than I was expecting, yay!

START week 4
week 12
BUST 50" 49" 46"
WAIST 48" 41" 40"
HIPS 49" 46" 45"
15" 14" 13.5"
THIGH 29" 27" 26"

week 24
week 33
week 45
BUST 44" 42" 39"
WAIST 36" 32" 30.5"
HIPS 42" 39" 38.5"
12" 12" 11.5"
THIGH 24" 22" 21"

My thigh shows a loss of 8 inches, and my upper arm 3.5 - that means nearly 2 foot of flab has been melted from my limbs!!
Then there's 11 inches from my bust, taking me from a 44E (with the back really tight..) to a 36D.
Another 10.5 inches from my hips, making fitting in seats a lot less of a challenge. The area over my incision has gone from 51" to 37" meaning it now doesn't jut out over my hips, making my trousered form look a lot more aesthetically pleasing.

The biggest change though, is in my waist. From a wobbly 48" to a more regular, if a little tubby 30.5" Sooo close to being back in the 20's, and well under the barrier of 32" cited as being the maximum 'safe' measurement for women. I am now counted as not being at any extra risk of diabetes because of my waist size. *grin*

My waist-hip ratio has gone from 0.98 to 0.79 taking me from high risk to low risk.

I am (as of last weigh in) just 11lbs from a "healthy" BMI, at which point I will be in the 'normal/healthy/safe/low risk' category for each of the usual checks for weight/size related health stuffs. Yays!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Another good day - but will it be enough?

Have had 21 points today, eating when hungry and not being too careful, still I am 7 under my allowance! Had Greek yoghurt with walnuts and honey for breakfast (5.5) a 3 bean and tuna salad for lunch (4.5) some coco pops with raspberry yoghurt for dessert (4.5) Teatime I had a big bowl of oats with raspberries and apple (6) and butternut squash chips with a dollop of salad cream (0.5)

Still finding skipping the wheat to be fine. Crumpets, toast and wheat flakes avoided at breakfast. Pain au chocolat, maltesers and crisps ignored at lunch. Watched Sam as he ate 2 bowls of Lyle's golden syrup ice cream without flinching, and did not help the kids eat through their toffee cereal bars which they devoured after eating the sandwiches I had made (but not eaten!)... All good. =)

Still though, even with the last few days strategy, I am over by anywhere between 70-90 for the week. Depending on how much the babies have been feeding (think they are growth spurting again) I could break even, doubt it though - if I manage a sts I will be very pleased.

Find out tomorrow morning - then I am really excited about this next week and the way my system is responding to being free from wheat!

Saturday, July 11, 2009

dear donuts, we're through.

not satisfied with torturing my body by suddenly withholding wheat (53 hours now) I went and paid a stranger to poke holes in my face. Been ages since I have worn any jewellery, aside from my wedding rings (and it's really rare that I wear those) but I've been mulling over getting a couple repierced, and today we were in town and I thought, yer, why not?

This means more than just getting a hole in my body - I feel like *me* again. No, I'm not the 19 year old girl who didn't need to worry about her weight, wore clothes as an expression of her personality rather than a way to hide herself.. but, finally, I'm feeling like the 25 woman she should have grown into.. just that til now woman had been held captive by the fear, fat and fatigue that were caused by mental (and physical) illness.

I'm still here, stronger than ever and ready to really live and be happy.

Today has been a great food day. Still no wheat and I've eaten 17 points and am not hungry. The lack of cravings or hunger pangs is AMAZING. I hope it continues to be this easy. The only downside so far is flatulence! I remember this from when I became vegetarian, there was a period where I was on constant alert. Hoping this passes (ahem) soon.

Oatibix are yummy, 2.5 points per portion instead of 2 for Weetabix, but much more filling. Then had a yummy wheat free hot cross bun with jam, and some rice cereal and raspberry yoghurt for a snack. At 2pm we decided to get lunch, as usual that was at Quiznos - I always have a sandwich and cookie, but had to go out of my box- roadhouse ranch salad, with just a tbsp of the sauce rather than the pot .. SO DELICIOUS. I was then full til 7pm. Despite going to Starbucks, where I ignored the cakes - totally unaware of them, and to the supermarket on the way home. It was too late to cook when we got in so I had an apple, a pack of maize crisps and a pot of amore - greek yoghurt with honey and walnuts. Am sat here now not hungry. Wheat has had it's last binge out of me.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

day one down..

and I have managed to resist temptation and be wheat free since 5pm yesterday. Did a mad clear through of the kitchen, getting rid of anything that would be a stumbling block for me, then baked myself a batch of blueberry and walnut muffins to say farewell to wheat, yum.

Once the last crumb was gone, I brushed myself down and checked the time - 17:00 9th July. Buh bye wheat. Jumped on the scales to see scary weight of 162. Erk.

In the last 30 hours I have said no to a lot of foods that I would have, without a backwards glance, have eaten. Even though I knew I hadn't the points. Having the rule of no wheat somehow is working for me.

No fish and chips, as the cod is battered. (saved 18 points)
No taxi bars, would have scoffed a few. (around 5 points)

Instead of crumpets (4 points) toast and jam (5 points) and pancakes (5 points) for breakfast, I made them for everyone else and then had a bowl of porridge.

I avoided picking at the kids cocktail sausages, gold bars and crisps during the day, instead snacking on fruit and making myself a proper lunch of chilli con carne. Ignored the boys leftover burgers and pasta too - more wheat.

At the shops I was devastated to discover that my Green and Blacks Butterscotch choccy had wheat in the ingredients. Boohoo. Sam got his Lyles golden syrup ice cream, cos it's safe.. more wheat. In fact most everything that made my eyes go big and round contained wheat.

Have Oatibix to try in place of my beloved Weetabix (which I have loved - and overeaten - since I was a baby) will see what I make of it come day 2.