Wednesday, February 25, 2009

The Trouser Test

So, since my WW leader pointed out my clothes are falling off me a couple of weeks ago, I have taken some time to go through my wardrobe, and realised that nearly all the trousers in there were too big now. I do have several pairs of jeans that just about fit, but they are loose and unflattering.

Lots of clothes in storage in Sams wardrobe, but they're mostly UK size 10 - have a way to go before those fit. I have jeans in sizes 18-24, and one pair of 16 - then all size 10-12. While the 16s fit, they are a generous cut, so are nearly too big. I went from a size 10-12 pre-pregnancy, to an 18 postpartum, and never got back down - so no clothes to grow back through!

Am planning to dig through the bits in the wardrobe - see if any trousers that I wore in early weeks pregnancy with Seth are still hanging about, as I was around this weight at that time.

Being me, this news seemed facebook-status worthy (ever hopeful of hubby getting hint and sending me on a shopping splurge) and my mum offered me a pair of brand new brown cords to tide me over, only problem - they are size 14. Thought I may as well try to get into them.. and had a lovely shock when they fit!!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009


Had to be done, with all the the ready made pancake mix in the shops. Seth really enjoyed making - and eating - them.

I ate two HUGE pancakes dripping with toffee sauce, 12 points and oh, SO worth every one. Cut back with lots of fruit and crispbread with light pate for lunch and will be fish for dinner. It was scary to think I would normally have eaten 2-3x that amount, and add ice cream.. and not change the rest of my eating that day!

Am going to give up chocolate for lent - is something I can definately do with not eating, has been responsible for too many binges. Knowing that there's a fixed time should get me through the cravings can tell myself it's not forever.

Living 40days without choc will get me used to it being an occasional treat food, rather than the major part of my daily diet that it was.

Already looking forward to my next taste come Easter!!

Monday, February 23, 2009

week 26 - double celebration

After a difficult week, today was a real boost! I stepped on the scales hoping my angelic weekend would have made up for a few days of high point grazing earlier this week. Was really thrilled to see a drop of 2.5lbs! Think I need to relax a bit when I' driven to eat loads, and instead of assuming I'm going off the rails, allow for the fact that the babies may well be pushing my body for extra some days..

Presented with my certificate, cue cheesy photo opportunity! Then my mum (my WW buddy) was called up, as after a 6 week plateau she has lost 3lbs! and hit her 10% goal. So proud of her for sticking out 6 weeks - and maintaining! Was fun to both hit a milestone together.

Yay! I'm overweight!!

Had lost (! ... babies must be growth spurting, as I obviously used all those extra calories consumed earlier in the week) at weigh in today. Down 2.5lbs, so now weigh 168.5 another 1 lb and I'm in the 11stones again!!

This also means something fairly fantastic - I am no longer obese! BMI is now 29.8, down from a morbidly obese >40 in summer 2007, and 39+ at the start of WW 6months ago.

I know the BMI chart isn't loved by all, I find the bottom healthy weight seems too low for me personally, otherwise it fits me very well.

BMI Healthy Weight Calculator

Sunday, February 22, 2009


had a good weekend, hopefully clawed back some damage inflicted earlier in the week. Went to a 2nd birthday party today and chased about after kids without scoffing any cake/buffet food. Hoping for a STS tomorrow, then back on track for me. No more train wreck, nice steady losses of an average 1.5lbs a week will see me at my personal goal of 162lbs for Easter. (Also my 30%)

*left - today* *right - 6months ago*

Upon looking at photos from today I realised how much I have achieved already. People are telling me that they've noticed I've lost a fair bit, and I'm starting to see it myself when going through photos. I am still overweight, sure, but I can see a huge change now. Having a look at pics and coming cross one of me no longer makes me want to cry! Particularly enjoying creating photo albums for the kids which will include me, healthy and happy!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Refocus for Success

Have stuck to points today, done some exercise, cleaned up a bit, laughed a lot, cooked good foods.. had gained 1/2lb this morning, hoping to shed that for a STS come monday.

Am feeling a bit wobbly still, but on the up so to speak. Another day and then it's the weekend, and hubby is good at watching me! ;)

My mum dropped off a questionnaire she'd been emailed by her Rosemary Conley leader.. it was good to remind me of why I don't want to go the path of a thousand choccy bars.

Refocus for Success

On a scale of 1-10

How much do you want to lose weight? 10

How much do you want to get on the scales next week and see a 2lb or bigger loss? 10

How much do you want to wear a new smaller sized outfit when the warmer weather hits? 9

How much do you want to look in the mirror and tell yourself you look good? 9

How much do you want to buy a BIGGER size outfit for the coming summer? 1

How much do you want to get on the scales next week and see a gain? 1

How much do you want to feel you have to avoid looking in the mirror as you know you do not look you best? 1

If you are not losing weight as much as you would like/hope, what do you think is stopping you from achieving it? not focusing on the big picture.
List 10 reasons why you want to lose weight - long term health, sake of appearance, to fit my funky clothes, confidence, to achieve my goal, to be able to keep up with kids, to feel better in heat of summer, to not be the "fat" one, to look my age again and to be in optimum health next time I'm pregnant.
10 reasons that might be stopping you - lack of time to prepare foods, not having the stuff I want in, having the wrong foods in, not making good choices when I need a quick snack, using food to pull me through tough points of day, not drinking enough fluids, feeling overwhelmed by amount still to lose, feeling upset at lack of clothing that fits/looks nice, feeling frumpy and eating to "cheer up", not having alone time to focus on exercise/meal planning.

Compare your lists and see if there's anything you can change to turn things around for yourself.
Need to remind self of ultimate goal, but focus on weekly/daily goals. Plan the night before, back to basics - eat 5 a day and drink fluids. Make time to prepare foods properly and keep blogging to keep motivated. Treat myself to a couple of nice clothes come payday - I do deserve to feel as good as I can in what I wear.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Losing the plot...

or at least I feel I am. Had a horrid feeling this would happen, how much of it is self fulfilling prophecy, and how much foresight.. I don't know.

I have had one week where I have gained in the last 6 months, and twice STS. I also know that I am more than able to bring a bad couple of days back to a small-loss week.

I have overeaten MASSIVELY today. Gone out and bought hot cross buns and chocolate bars and scoffed the lot =( I reckon between yesterday and today I have eaten near enough 5 days points. No way that I can sanely do "damage control" by pulling points from the next 4 days, or cut back without being seriously crabby - it's unfair on the kids.

I am so, so cross at myself. Can let go of the points, draw a line under it.. whatever. But WTF am I playing at? I know as I'm stuffing the food in that it's crap. I know that I am going to regret it, and feel pissed off at myself as I do it. I am under no illusions, it's crud food. It sits heavy in my gut, and the taste is actually too much. I don't actually *like* chocolate past the initial taste. I would have far preferred my planned meal of tuna salad and new potatoes *sigh*

I *think* I am being a total doofus, and eating from fear/stress/dislike of outside pressure. I don't do expectation well. I like to help others, and can set myself goals and motivate myself. Yet the minute someone else is depending on me for a deadline, I freak. My mind is filled with excuses as to why I cannot follow through, and I put insane amounts of energy into thinking of how to escape the responsibility. I hardly ever tell anyone that I feel so overwhelmed, and usually complete the task - finding the actual work put in is enjoyable, comes naturally, and then feel pleased/fulfilled afterwards. I do not know why/where this acute fear comes from, or how to beat it.. only that I avoid routines/schedules that lead to expectation.

So, for the first time next week I have someone aside from myself counting on me to 1) turn up, 2) have lost weight and then to stand up in front of others. I am feeling nervous just typing this. Ridiculous. I have turned up every week, unless there's been serious illness, we've been snowed in or in the middle of the house move. I am more than able to stand and be looked at/give a quick "yay I've lost 50lb in less than 6months! This works fab!"

I teachclasses and lead groups, manage to go out daily with my 4 kids and endure the hundreds of stares/points/stifled giggles and comments that that induces.

I am just terrified that I'll turn up, have put on 2 pounds, and then have to say "sorry, but no 50lb certificate for me". SO SILLY! I am overeating because I am nervous that I will put on weight and disappoint Bridget.

I need to just chill, forget about her wanting for me to be there. I am always there and next week is no different. If the kids are cranky and cannot stay, then we will just have to not stay.. no-one will be permanently damaged if there is no piece of paper passed to me next week.

I am a big, silly, rambly mess. I need to track out what I am going to eat for the next 4 days. Ignore what has happened so far. Stop wondering how I can purge the binge (the answer is I CANNOT. I have to accept what I have done, and hope that there's not too much damage at the scales next week). Whatever happens because of these last days, moving on now is my only good option. I can hope to salvage a STS by sticking to my points for the rest of the week.

I want my kids to have a happy, healthy slim mum.
I want my husband to have a wife who is not twice the size of the girl he married.
I want my children to grow up with healthy food habits.
I want to feel fit and well, and wear the clothes I like, not the ones I have to.
I want to forget about what I weigh because I know it's right.
I want to see those numbers go down.
I want to eat food because I am hungry, because it is good, because it will nourish my body.
I want to cope with difficult situations by talking and acting - not by hiding and eating!!!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Bl**dy bagels

Having a day where all I want to do is chuck food in. A day of being indoors, kids all busy with books & puzzles, cries for milk and shrill voiced "muuumy" every few minutes. Lots of orders for various foodie items that I have to prepare and serve (and invariably pick up off the floor). Lots of cleaning of bathroom/kitchen scrubbing floors/walls and washing/putting away of dishes and clothes..

After sweeping the kitchen and lounge, and clearing up around the table after a late lunch, I decided it was time for me to make and eat my much anticipated lunch while the kids are happy playing.. omelette again today - really fills me up and gives me lots of energy for the last hours of madness before I can convince the kids it's time for bed.

I reach up for the eggs.. and the box feels worryingly light. A quick peek to confirm it - all the eggs are gone - arse. So what do I do? Start a shopping list to see what else I need to pick up. Going through the fridge and cupboards when I spot a pack of open bagels.. mm a bagel with butter. So, I toast a bagel, spread some butter on, and ENJOY. I love butter, and have had to stop myself using it, as I can get through far too much.

After the first one was gone, I'm still hungry, and figure one more can take up the points I had allocated for my omelette (who was I kidding, the first one did that..) but then there's just one left in the pack.. and we do have a 4 slice toaster...

3 bagels *shame* and far too many points of butter later and I've trashed my points for the day. Am going to nick a few points off of the next 5 days and claw it back. Will be doable, but I wish I would just STOP myself from doing this. It makes me feel sick and disgusting, and there is no good reason for it. =(

I had lost another lb when I stood on the scales this morning, if I behave myself the rest of the week hopefully I'll see it gone for WI!

Monday, February 16, 2009

week 25

Wow I was nervous stepping onto the scales this morning! After the sneaky peek mid week, I was already celebrating having lost 50lbs.. then as I got to WI I started to panic that I'd have fluctuated back over!

As it was, I had a double celebration =)

You lost 50lb!

Congratulations! Take a moment. Let it sink in. Now, go share your joy. And be sure to tell your Leader about your milestone.

Keep up the great work!

and my 7th silver 7.

I lost 2.5lbs this week. Taking me to 12st 3lbs/171lbs.

My leader has asked me to stay to the meeting next week, to receive a certificate. Normally I don't stay, what with the kids with me.. so will bring along a portable playroom and snacks next week to amuse them while I stand up front looking embarrassed.

She commented on the fact my clothes are hanging off of me now. My mum gave me a load of her size 16-18 looser fit trousers when we moved down 3 months ago, and i bought some nice size 18 trousers to celebrate getting into standard 18 from 22 maternity. Very suddenly everything is too big, and falls down when I walk/stand. Am going to have to rummage through the back of our wardrobe to find clothes I grew out of when I was pregnant over 41/2 years ago!!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Hyde Park Race for Life

19th July 2009, I'm going to be taking part in a 5km RFL while tandem wearing my precious twin daughters Maya and Anya, who will be 14 months old.

My pack arrived, the three of us are running number 19.

Really looking forward to taking part, and desperately trying to work out what combination of slings/clothing I will need!

Events like Race for Life are vital in funding Cancer Research UK’s life-saving work into preventing, diagnosing and treating cancer. By sponsoring me online now you can help more people survive cancer.

3 feet of flab...

I have lost since starting weightwatchers in September. After spending yesterday yanking my jeans up every few minutes, I went through my current wardrobe trying to sort what now fit, and what was too big. All of my size 18 trousers are now hanging off me, and fall down every few steps. Even my baggy cut size 16 jeans are fast becoming too baggy. Shame as they are a favourite pair.

As I went through my drawers I came across an old friend - a bra (nursing twins makes bra wearing a foolish pursuit, I'd have to remove it each time they wanted feeding) that I hadn't worn since spring 2008. It's a 40E, and was too tight in the back, but was the closest good fit I could find. Remember measuring after the twins were born and needing a 44E. =(

Went through my weightwatchers bits and found my first journal, I had recorded measurements at the start, 4 weeks in and 12 weeks in.

BUST 50" 49" 46"
WAIST 48" 41" 40"
HIPS 49" 46" 45"
15" 14" 13.5"
THIGH 29" 27" 26"

At the start I was basically a big overstuffed sausage! By week 12 I had got a bit of shape back. I'd dropped nearly 2 stone, but my waist was still huge, bloated and overstretched from the recent years of pregnancy and overeating.

Measured myself again now that I've reached week 24 and dropped near 3.5stone.

BUST 44" THIGH 24"
HIPS 42"

A total loss of 33 inches! That's nearly 3ft of flab melted!! Every stone seems to shift 10" from around my body. My bra size has gone from 44E to a 40D. I am so excited to see my curves getting back to where they are meant to be, I used to have an hourglass figure of 36-24-36 .... unsure whether I'll see those measurements again, but a shape like that would be great.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

while I'm on the visual motivation kick..

I went over to my virtual model and made up before, current and goal virtual me, myself and I.

<--- Sept 2008 Feb 2009 --->

I am shocked at the difference to be honest. I'm so focused on where I'm headed, and silly excited about it, that I hadn't really spent any real time enjoying what I have already achieved.

Five months ago I was very overweight, with a BMI that was a lb off of morbidly obese. The only clothes that fit were plus size maternity and my 6ft 5" hubbys jeans - his"fat" jeans no less. (wearing in pics) I went through boxes of baked goods a day, a "snack" right before I went to bed was 4 rounds of toast and marmalade and a bowl of cereal! Despite exclusively feeding my twins, I put on 2 stone between their birth and when I began weightwatchers 3 months later. I struggled to keep up with my young sons, fell asleep several times a day if I sat down and would be out of breath if I climbed our stairs.

Now I am back in size 16, shop bought clothes. Most of my trousers are too loose, and I'm a lb or two off being a BMI of 29. I FEEL so much better. Can walk up our steep hill pushing a buggy and carrying the twins without gasping for breath. Have the energy to be awake through the day and motivated to get out and take the kids places. My self confidence is growing, I no longer feel horribly huge. If I am peckish in the evening I'll get a fruit or a single biscuit to balance my blood sugar.

Put the fat jeans on tonight and was amazed at how much of me has melted.
They were a *tight* fit before, as you can see in the photo above - just went around my middle, and were tight against my bum and thighs... tonight I felt like a kid dressing up in a parents clothes.
The difference in my legs was a shock - I hadn't realised they'd changed much, if at all. As you can see in the pic, my thighs now look half the size that they must have been to fill those legs!

Sneaky peek..

and I've done it! According to my scales this afternoon - was avoiding short term cake lust by reminding myself of bigger picture - I was 172lbs, which is my 50lbs mark!! Will want to see it at the scales next week, but safe to say I'm thrilled.

Celebrated by making myself an egg white omelette (while I love the yolk I didn't have the points free, and prefer white omelette to no omelette) with bacon, mushrooms and onion and grilled veg on the sided. Better value for my4 points than one cupcake!

Was having a quick mooch through some blog I'm following and ran across a post describing a site ( which allows you to upload a current photo, and alters it by up to 50lbs to show a virtual representation of that weight loss. As I've now got 50lbs to goal, I thought it'd be worth a shot!

before & "after" - will be fun to compare with my real goal photos in a few months..

resisting temptation...

is still *so* hard. Some days it gets me down that not shovelling loads of crud into my mouth should cause such internal struggle.

I've had to explain to my 3.5 year old son that mummy mustn't eat some kinds of yummy food now, as they are hurting her body. He's gotten really good at not letting me pick up naughty foods at the supermarket! On the (not nearly rare enough) occasion he has high point-valued yummies, he is great at telling me no.

Still, not picking at the leftovers on four plates, not nicking a handful of whatever snack I make for them is something I have to consciously stick to.

Today we got back from soft play and had lunch, after which S asked if I would help him make cakes. *wobble* Seeing a chance to be v good, I agreed.

I didn't lick the spoon, I didn't grab a cake, I didn't finish the cake the twins pulled the case off and left untouched, I left them cooling on the rack and told S sharing them out was his job.

By the time folding the laundry and clearing the kitchen was done the cakes were all gone and feeling like I was craving comfort food had passed!

... now, if I can just do this a few hundred times a month for the rest of my life, being slim will be easy....

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Easter challenge tracker

start weight 183lbs, aiming to lose 14lbs in the 14weeks.

*new goal set as of 10/02 - 21lbs loss over the challenge *

**and again, new goal of 25lbs - set 23/03

05/01/09 -- 183lbs
12/01/09 -- 182lbs
19/01/09 -- 178.5lbs
26/01/09 -- 177lbs
02/02/09 -- 174lbs
09/02/09 -- 173.5lbs
16/02/09 -- 171lbs
23/02/09 -- 168.5lbs (original goal achieved!)
02/03/09 -- 168lbs
09/03/09 -- 165lbs
16/03/09 -- 163lbs
23/03/09 -- 161lbs (21lb goal achieved)
30/03/09 -- 162lbs
06/04/09 -- 157lbs (25lb goal achieved, and an extra for good measure!)

50lbs in sight...

My mini goal for Valentines weekend is to hit my 50lb loss mark - 172lbs, 1.5lbs away!

Am feeling newly motivated now, am well on my way to my top BMI range goal, just another 2 stone or so, and nearly halfway to my dream goal of 100lbs loss.

Need to keep the motivation up, keep making good foody choices (like baking cakes at my sons' request and letting the kids eat them all while I stuck to a cuppa and a biscuit).

Monday, February 09, 2009

week 24... motivation loss

Found this week hard, have been grazing loads and munching not very good foods. Went over by a little each day. The twins have had a cold though, so fed a bit extra, which may be what pushed me to want munchies.. anyway, pleased to have another half pound off today. My leader is excited, another 1.5lbs and I qualify for a 50lbs certificate apparently. Then I'll be well on my way to my 30%

Went through my pictures to find photos of my loss so far, and posted to facebook - the more eyes I feel are watching the more I'm likely to keep motivated. Scary how I never really realised the amount I was carrying about. My mum saw the pics and called me, sounding teary, to say how scared she was when I was big. Couldn't think of how to tell me at the time as she thought I had enough on my plate (pardon the pun) with depression and barely coping as it was.

- Don't think she remembers the passing comment she made (not nasty, just about how mums always will be worried about their babies health, and that she wanted me to take better care of me) back in summer 07, that hurt to hear but made me go along to WW that week.

I definately was, and felt, obese. Now with bmi of 30.7 I feel overweight, but not obese anymore.

That said, at over 140lb I always felt bloated and sluggish compared to being under, and by bmi my maximum healthy weight is 141lb, so it was a good benchmark for me.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

lost the weight of my eldest child..

5 months in, and I have lost the equivalent of my big for his age 3.5 year old. He is the height and weight of a 6 year old! Can not think how I was managing to carry his bulk about all day (as well as the twins!!)

I am glad to be fitter now to run about and play with him, and he has noticed too =)

Monday, February 02, 2009

week 23

Using my horribly accurate scientific Mrs Anna scales this morning, as WW leader snowed in.. lost another 3lbs. 174lb today - BMI of 30.8 - got another 2lbs to go until I'm 50lb off of startweight.

Minigoal for the WI after valentines day (16th feb) is to lose 50lbs. Will mean I'm getting into the 20s for BMI. "Obese" no more.. just "overweight". sounds like a lovely gift to me, cheap too.