Monday, March 30, 2009

Goal set

After facing up to my gain this week, my leader told me again that she wanted to call a paper in to do a story/pics of me and my mum. I said I'd like to hit goal first, so she's put my weightwatchers goal as 141lbs, the weight to be a bmi of 25 at my height. 21lbs to lose, and she'll be calling the paper in. My mum is 12.5lbs away from goal, having lost 28.5 already.

Stats as of today -
BMI - 28.7
Weight - 162 lbs, total of 60 gone forever. 21 til gold.


Had buggered up the week.

Only walked 15 miles last week, got to improve that, want 20+ a week.

I will do it this week, along with photo tracking and drinking my fluids.

1. Track everything you eat, and stick to your personal points allowance.
2. Drink plenty of fluids, 6-8 glasses each day.

week 31 - and a gain

Weight Tracking Summary
Your current weight : 11 st 8.0 lb
Weight change since last entry | +0 st 1.0 lb
Total weight change to date | -4 st 4.0 lb

So, you gained a little bit this week.

Is this what you expected? If so, today's a great day to make a fresh start. If you're stumped, talk with your Leader to assess your week and get advice on how you can make some changes to get back on track for next week.

Good luck in the coming week.

I went, got on those scales and took the news like a woman. =) First time to gain this year, just the 2nd time since starting 7 months ago. That's not bad, it's good to see that my effort is worthwhile, I'd be slapping on the weight all too easily otherwise.

Come home and planned todays food, drank my water and charged the camera ready to phototrack the week. All the more determined for a great loss this week, still 4lbs to lose for my Easter challenge, that's just within the limits of what I can manage.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

ready, camera, action!

Another day taking photos of everything before eating. Oddly enough this simple idea is doing the job. Binge week is over, all because I don't want to post pictures of too much junk! Just need to take the same desire to not have the food pasted here, turn it into willpower to stop putting it in my body.

Still, another day on points, plenty of activity and I ate and drank well. Going to take a peek at the scales tomorrow to see if those two telling pounds are planning to stick around to show me up on Monday, or whether they'll be let out early for good behaviour.

LOVED the bake mix we made tonight. Weight Watchers double choc brownie mix. Made up with light marg it's 10 points for the tray - with my extra light it was 8.5 points! Yummy, and splits into 8 decent sized portions. Very good value dessert with a scoop of frozen yoghurt for a total 5 points a serving. Back to Sainsburys to get more in the next few days!!

Friday, March 27, 2009


today was back as should be.

Checked the damage this morning - 163, so 2lbs on. Was prepared for worse. Hoping that I can pull it back to a STS for Monday.

Today I drank my water, photographed my food (with the exception of 1/2 tiffin Seth shared with me while we were out) and stuck to my points. A bit heavy on cereal bars, but went to shops and restocked my fruit bowl for tomorrow.

I like seeing all the food like this, makes it very easy to see what I could change to make my points work harder!

Looking forward to the weekend, always get more time to prepare interesting meals, am hungry now just pondering what to cook!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

change NOW not tomorrow.

Today began well enough. I avoided the accusatory glare from my scales as I got dressed this morning. Grabbed a glass of water and got on with emptying the dishwasher and loading the washing machine. I got the kids cleaned and dressed and made brekkie. The kitchen and bathroom clean, I grabbed myself some cereal and apple.

But then it all went downhill.. first my mum came and dropped off some toys for the kids - and a box of maple cereal bars!! Promptly ate 5 points worth. On top of my normal mum duties, I'm being run ragged by the babies. They are in the velcrobaby stage, teethy, learning to walk and very whiney. Feeding every 45mins and wanting me to hold them all the time. Totally normal, just a phase but Egads it drives me loopy!

So I ate way too much nutella spread on bread .. sigh.

Then the post came, with a timely reminder in the shape of my newest monthly pass. I looked at it with my new WI card too, both all clean and fresh and new. All my previous passes and original card a bit grubby, well worn. It's time for a fresh start NOW. My losses have been fine so far, but my head is still being controlled by a binge eater, not a healthy attitude. This ends now, the binge eater has had her reign, her card is full, her passes are expired..

Enough is enough. I am eating because I am cross, I get a feel good from the food but then feel extra angry at overeating. Needs to stop. Now.

I'm taking ideas from all over the blogasphere - going to drink a glass of water before I eat anything. Going to do a 5 mins housework job instead of grab food when I am stressing - the exercise will give me a break/boost and results will make me happier - to have clean house and not have mindlessly eaten junk would be fabby. Also going to photo all I eat, if nothing else the time taken to find my camera may limit the amount I can stuff in, lol.

Starting now, not tomorrow.. too many hours before then in which I could do further damage.

Dinner was a lovely low 3 point bangers and mash.
2 extra lean Sainsburys BGTY sausages (2.5)
fried (in frylight) onions (0)
1/2 butternut squash, mashed (0)
steamed carrots and mushrooms (0)
and 70ml gravy (0.5)

Totally yummy, filling and tasted so much better than any of the crud I'd been stuffing in the last few days. Going to do more cooking over the weekend, do a short sharp quickstart to limit damage for Monday, and keep up the photos until I am back on top of my crazy eating behaviour.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

history repeating

For the third week in a row I've bought in a food item that set me off on a stuff myself silly-athon. Self respect flung out the window, good intentions stuffed into the cupboard and my conscience gagged and tied up, I eat a ridiculous amount of high point food. Then, before I've finished swallowing I'm writing it up in my journal, docking points off the rest of the week. Repeat a few times over the course of days 2 and 3 each week.. you have my recipe for success *rolls eyes*

I manage to claw back enough so that I'm over by 2-3 points a day, and am doing plenty of exercise - and the twins are feeding a lot - so I am still losing 2lbs a week. Still, it feels silly, especially as my body is now free of chronic pain *unless* I have binged. Was in agony last night after scoffing bread all day. The wheat in my joints was awful, I felt like I was brewing a DVT in my thigh and my bones ached. Waking up this morning my skeleton felt hungover, creaky and painful.

So why am I doing it? sigh. Answers on a postcard. Felt like Shirley Bassey was mocking me earlier, half laughing half singing 'history repeating" on my CD player as I munched a box of tracker bars.

I have to pull this week back. I have a shiny new card for my meeting next week as my original is now all full. I can't have a gain as my first recorded WI on it! Also got a note in the post today from my leader, can't very well turn up to talk about my fantasticness and set my goal if I'm pootling off the wrong way! (I know I "could", but it would feel a lot better to go as the slimmer me!)

Dear Joy, Congratulations on reaching another 10% How fantastic is that 61lb total. Well done. Come to me next week to weigh so we can decide on your final target.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

brain building wonder product - free (well, cheap) from a tap near you

Water makes up 50 to 70 per cent of an adult's total body weight and, without regular top-ups, our body's survival time is limited to a matter of days.

Water's essential for the body's growth and maintenance, as it's involved in a number of processes. For example, it helps get rid of waste and regulates temperature, and it provides a medium for biological reactions to occur in the body.

Water's lost from the body through urine and sweat, and must be replaced through the diet. If you don't consume enough you can become dehydrated, causing symptoms such as headaches, tiredness and loss of concentration. Chronic dehydration can contribute to a number of health problems such as constipation and kidney stones.

The body gets its fluid from three sources:

  • Drinks, either plain water or as part of other beverages including tea, coffee and squash
  • Solid foods, especially fruit and vegetables (even foods such as bread and cheese provide small amounts of fluid)
  • As a by-product of chemical reactions within the body
Most healthy adults need between one and a half to three litres a day, so aim to drink six to eight medium glasses of fluid daily. Beverages such as tea, coffee and fruit juices count towards fluid intake, and may bring with them other nutrients or benefits.

You may require more fluid if you're very physically active or during periods of hot weather.

BBC health

The "fact" that a person should consume eight glasses of water per day cannot be traced back to a scientific source.

An original recommendation for water intake in 1945 by the
Food and Nutrition Board of the National Research Council read: "An ordinary standard for diverse persons is 1 milliliter for each calorie of food. Most of this quantity is contained in prepared foods."[29] The latest dietary reference intake report by the United States National Research Council in general recommended (including food sources): 2.7 liters of water total for women and 3.7 liters for men.[30] Specifically, pregnant and breastfeeding women need additional fluids to stay hydrated. According to the Institute of Medicine—who recommend that, on average, women consume 2.2 litres and men 3.0 litres—this is recommended to be 2.4 litres (approx. 9 cups) for pregnant women and 3 litres (approx. 12.5 cups) for breastfeeding women since an especially large amount of fluid is lost during nursing.[31] Also noted is that normally, about 20 percent of water intake comes from food, while the rest comes from drinking water and beverages (caffeinated included). Water is excreted from the body in multiple forms; through urine and feces, through sweating, and by exhalation of water vapor in the breath. With physical exertion and heat exposure, water loss will increase and daily fluid needs may increase as well.

So according to the institute of medicine, I ought to be swigging back 3 litres daily, maybe even more as I'm tandem feeding! In the early weeks I was very conscientious and drank near 4litres a day (replacing fluid after I lost 3L of blood in labour, I was anaemic and very aware I was needing to be well hydrated while building supply, made drinking my water super important to me).

After a successful 6 months using Weightwatchers, I've decided to go back to basics, to tweak where I need to, to get the best out of the plan, both in terms of easy weightloss and retraining my mind and introducing healthy habits. Identifying 5 key components of the Discover plan and implementing them one by one. Last week was step 1 - calculating my personal weightwatchers daily points allowance and tracking everything that I ate and drank, I'm going to add to that this week with step 2 - Drink plenty of fluids, 6-8 glasses each day.

I flung a Brita Filter in my trolley today - going to keep it in the fridge and make sure I drink the 2 litre capacity eah day. It's all ready to go, filter prepared. Hoping to kickstart my sluggish system and be feeling good once I am properly hydrated!!

Monday, March 23, 2009

week 30

Another 2lbs loss this week, meaning I have reached my personal goal for the 5+ board Easter Challenge. Am aiming for another 3lbs over the next fortnight, taking me to a total of 25lbs off over the challenge.

Stats as of today -
BMI - 28.5
Weight - 161 lbs, total of 61 gone forever.


Had buggered up sticking to my daily 29 points by the first day, then after a sickness bug and a silly visit to M&S Simply Food once I felt better.. I totally missed sticking to 203 points over the course of the week. I did only go over by about 20, and probably used those keeping sick babies fed as they were off their food and nursing a lot.

Also walked 23miles last week, got to help. =)

I will do it this week, along with tracking and drinking my fluids.

1. Track everything you eat, and stick to your personal points allowance.
2. Drink plenty of fluids, 6-8 glasses each day.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Apples, Pears..and Chilli

After two weeks of walking an average 3 miles a day I'm noticing more and more that I don't feel unfit. I know I am still heavy, and want to drop these next 40lbs as badly as I did the first 60, but I am pleased that my fears for my health are less immediate.

I am not in chronic pain any more, the SPD that had me yelping in pain as I rolled out of bed every morning has *finally* cleared up and my joints feel like they belong in a 25 year old body, not a 75 year old one. Heart rate and blood pressure are back where they belong. My breathing is normal - where I had been flushed and gasping for breath if I took a flight of stairs too fast. I can not only keep up with my kids, I can outrun them, I'm enjoying time playing with them, not falling asleep under napping babies because my body is struggling to keep up.

Still, using all 3 methods of measuring health by weight, I am still going to see more benefit to my health! Fantastic =)

My BMI is now well into the overweight range at 28.5, another 20lbs off being "normal" (I'm 75% of the way)

BMI alone is not a good guide to who is at most risk of diabetes and cardiovascular disease.

A waist circumference greater than 80cm (32in) for women and 94cm (37in) for men indicates increased risk, while a measurement of more than 88cm (35in) for women and 102cm (40in) for men is particularly worrying.

My waist measurement is 33" just an inch away from being in the safe zone. It was almost 15" over the "particularly worrying" measurement just 7 months ago.

An even better measurement of risk may be the ratio of your waist circumference (the narrowest point on your abdomen) to your hip circumference (the widest point).

A ratio of more than 1.0 for a man (in other words your waist is bigger than your hips) or 0.8 for a woman means you urgently need to reduce your weight and increase your levels of exercise.

My ratio at top weight was 0.98 (!!!) losing just 10% of my body weight changed my shape to a ratio of 0.89

My ratio now is 0.80 - right on the edge of ok, but the right side of the line.

I've gone from being a (sausage) apple to a pear. While both fruits taste great and eating a variety of fruit is generally seen as a good thing, apparently we all ought to be quite a bit more fussy about which we are shaped like.

The higher a BMI the more likely you are to be an 'apple' shape. This means you will probably store excess fat deep below the skin in the stomach area, which will increase your risk of serious conditions such as heart disease, raised blood pressure, Type 2 diabetes and some types of cancer. Your health is likely to be at risk.

A "normal" BMI means you will probably have a healthy 'pear' shape, which is a healthy shape. With this type of body shape, any excess fat is stored under the skin around the bottom, hips and thighs, which is less harmful to health than having an apple shape.

Those with low BMI will probably have a tall thin 'chilli' type of shape. When peppers gain weight, it's usually around the middle, putting them at an increased risk for heart disease and diabetes. You can help to create curves and definition by building muscle.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

camera shy

If I could go back to when I was at top weight I'd take so many pictures. Chase my formerly fat arse around snapping shots until it was fat no longer. Between swilling buckets and disinfecting small people these past 3 days, I've spent far too much of my precious "free time" looking through the files on my computer for evidence of my former morbidly obese state.

For the last few weeks at WW the leader and her scales helper types have been asking for my "before" pictures. While I have photos of me at heaviest, they don't really show the full extent of the weight I was carrying. The most unflattering photos were promptly sent to the recycling bin, ones that survive are dark or partial shots. The majority have me using the typical fat girl camouflage trick - posing with a "prop"- 90% of the time I'm using a child, or two.

A few I found in the archived folders from 2007 show the weight truthfully, not pulling any punches. A picture Sam took of me sleeping makes me wince as I recall how the fat around my neck/shoulders pushed my head up at an odd angle. I was never fully able to get comfortable while sleeping, it also made breathing difficult - not a good thing.

Another picture from 2007 caught the full effect of what having a BMI of over 40 did to my face. Most pictures that caught me straight on were thrown to my virtual bin as soon as they were done uploading, but the one on the right was smuggled into the saved stack (probably as I looked away from the screen to grab my next spoonful of Ben & Jerrys..)

Finding a solitary picture to give a true representation of me at 220+lbs is something I don't know that I can do without a time machine. A part of me was all too aware of how overweight I was, and did all she could to prevent the other part of my mind from being allowed to see the truth. Seemed somehow safer and easier to stay in denial. The fear when I would see a camera was intense, especially if I knew I would not have control of editing the pictures taken. The amount of times some thoughtful soul sent me a copy of a photo they took - one they obviously thought looked flattering, but that set me off on a binge.. ugh. Hated myself for being so big, hated the camera for being in focus. I had learnt to photograph myself well enough that I looked fat, but not dangerously so. Oh, I'd admit to being "fat" but would maintain I was a size 18, though I couldn't even pull up my size 18 maternity trousers over by bloated figure.

Then there was video footage. Now, I would still be using my fat chick camo of a baby or two, and several long pieces of cloth (most always a video of me would be a tute in carrying a baby using a wrap, my love of babywearing overruled my desire to hide my body I guess) but you can still see the shape of me. More than that though, the way I have to move with 16 stone on my 5'2" frame, and the shortness of breath as I talk during the low impact activity is so telling.

The difference in how I feel now is amazing. As far as non scale victories go, this is a big un, I want to take photos now. I am happy with what I see, and don't feel shame. I know I still have a decent amount to lose, but looking at pics of my current weight I feel normal, and for the first time I am digging being "normal"!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

only myself to blame

After saying those words for the 5th time before 9am today, I suddenly felt a lot better. Not difficult seeing as I had thrown up 6 times in the 2 hours I had been up, and was struggling to keep control of "the other end"...

Only have myself to blame for the current state of my gut, brought on by eating unnecessary (and it would seem, unhygenic) food that I have only myself to blame for buying. Only myself to blame for not being able to go out and enjoy the beautiful weather or eat anything at all without being ill...

but it is A Good Thing. The only person getting in my way of a slim healthy existence is me. If I can change anyones attitude, thinking and behaviour, it's going to be my own!

Not trying to hinge the reasons behind my weight gain and then eating enough to maintain that size on anything other than my own faulty behaviours is something that I have found a bit scary. I want to believe there was a good reason, that I couldn't help it, that it wasn't my fault.. Somewhere in my mind I am sure I believed that if I didn't *deserve* to be obese, then it wouldn't really matter.. the world would somehow not see the extra fat and I could carry on without worrying. (mm, yeah)

Slowly, the fog has lifted, and I am fully aware that I gained weight because I put too many calories into my body, I got and stayed obese because I continued to put too many calories into my body. There may well have been circumstances that I felt were pushing me to do it, but the decision to eat as a response was mine. My choice. My action.

Does not make me a bad person, I don't deserve to be obese. Sure, the reasons for what I did do matter, but only to me. I am accountable to myself before anyone else on this earth.

What matters most is that I am not hanging how I feel about myself as a person on what I have put past my lips in the last X amount of time, or the label in my jeans, or the number on the scales of a morning. Sure I can feel pleased, or frustrated, or want to see change.. but these feelings ought not shape who I think I am!

So, no more *blaming* myself. I accept responsibility for my own health (including my weight) and will take pleasure in the positive changes I am seeing.. and nothing more than lessons from the times where my decisions prove to be unwise!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

a family affair..

feeling a bit proud of my tribe really. It's not just me shedding the lbs, though my BMI was the highest, my mum and more recently darling hubby have been working out their own demons with food, and have achieved fabby weightloss.

Today my mum went to her Rosemary Conley class and WI showed she'd reached her lowest weight in over 6 years! Whoop! Go mum. =) She had done fantastically on a low GI/anti candida diet when I was a teen, hitting goal and maintaining wonderfully. Then she went back to college, and long hours being studious and munching minstrels lead to a significant gain of a couple stones. She has been chasing them since before I got married. In 2008 she nearly reached her current weight, but gained almost 2 stone again when staying with me after I had the twins. Damn stress eating. Back to weightwatchers just before I did last September, and she's now achieved her 10% there, and joined Rosemary Conley now to follow the low GI diet which works so well for her. She's just under 20lbs to get to goal, and her BMI has dropped from 31.3 to 27.4 !!

My fantastic supportive hubby had used weightwatchers before we had kids, with great success. He's a tall bloke, hovering with his head in the clouds at 6' 5". Each time I've gained weight post baby, so has he. Seeing his weight creep up even further after successfully controlling his colitis with meds for the last year, he started recording his weight and making small alterations to his eating habits in late January. He's aware of watching calories and sat fat, and has dropped soda drinks and cut out sugar in drinks and snacks. In 2 months he has dropped from his highest weight of 275lbs by 20lbs and changed his BMI of 32.6 to 30.2.

I'm so proud of them both. =)

What a difference 6 months makes..

<---- Mid Sept 08, I had already dropped nearly a stone, was hanging just around 210lbs here, nowhere near my biggest, but sadly still believed the babies hid the excess blubber!

Taken today, Mid March in the low 160s.. under no illusion about babies distracting from my shape! But happy to be "well covered" and on my way to slim as well as fit =) ---->

Has been a lovely few days.. sunshine and the beginning of warmness, Spring is well and truly here! Lots of walks without bundling on scarves and hats and gloves, and frantically searching for umbrellas. We've walked 13 miles in the last 3 days, and though I've eaten more than my 29 points each day, I'm on track to stick to my 203 over the week =)

Oh, and I survived my first ever filling at the dentist. Another part of self care that I had neglected for the best part of the last 4 years. Glad that my brushing was good enough to keep most of the teeth healthy!

Monday, March 16, 2009

week 29

and it was a very reasonable 2lbs loss at WI this morning, so why did I pout? 'Cos I wanted 3lb darn it!! Really, in all seriousness I am of course thrilled that those 2lbs are melted off forever, but to be so tantalisingly close to my Easter goal is frustrating. Especially as I could have made it had I not messed around with those caramels mid week. Ah well, lesson learned.. (again.)

stats as of today -
BMI - 28.9
Weight - 163 lbs, total of 59 gone forever.

So, this week I am down to 29 points a day, going to keep up my daily movement of my lardy arse and hope to see that lb off at the scales next week (and then some).


a few hours later, and I have had a *lovely* day. Already buggered up sticking to 29 points every day this week, going for the 203 points over the course of the week.

Unless I can pretend the delicious serving of pancakes and Ben and Jerrys low fat (hah!) frozen yogurt didn't actually happen today.. No, that happened next Sunday, Mothers Day treat don't you know - 'tis how my food journal tells the story anyway. The look of stupified happiness on my bloated mug is just cause I Love Mondays That Much. =)

Sunshine, beautiful warm fresh Spring sunshine. A clean kitchen, babies ready for an outing, sleeping toddler in his pushchair and nearly 4 year old wanting to be outside. My mum phones to ask if we fancy a walk. Do we!!

Lovely stroll over to the garden centre, a quick stop for a drink (good girl has water) and a cake (just a 4 point slice.. that can be lunch, surely!?) then stop off at Sainsburys to see if they had any frozen yoghurt - have been plotting this particular splurge for nearly a week now.

Plenty of happy hormones released through the sunshine, a few more by the 150g of B&Js (low fat my bum, 6g saturates in that helping!) I have half a point left, which is going to be a handful of grapes to sweeten my evening. Sticking to 29 a day (21 on Sunday - wink, wink) should be doable, and take me to my goal of 162 or under next week.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

number crunching

.. ready for this week: 1. Track everything you eat, and stick to your personal points allowance.

Thought a good start would be making sure I've got my current allowance right. Daily points allowance should be between 16-40, and is dependant on age, sex, weight and activity level.

Weightwatchers daily points allowance quiz:

Are you:
(3) Female
(9) Male

How old are you?
(5) 16-20
(4) 21-35
(3) 36-50
(2) 51-65
(1) over 65

How many stones do you weigh? (11)
ignore the lb, so 12st 4 = 12 and 11st 13 = 11

How tall are you?
(1) Under 5ft 4"
(2) 5ft 4" +

In your daily life, are you:
(0) sitting down most of the time *
(2) occasionally sitting, mainly standing
(4) walking most of the time
(6) doing physically hard work most of the time
* though I am fairly active, I do spend a great deal of time sat feeding the girls, and I'm getting extra points for the calories used then anyway - so I have always counted myself as sedentary in this part of the quiz.

If you are breastfeeding:
add (10) if your baby is receiving breastmilk exclusively.
add (5) if you are feeding a baby who is eating solids too.
(10) as I have 2 breastfed babies who are aso eating solid foods.

total points = 29 points a day.

When I started Weightwatchers my total came to 43! Despite the literature all saying that the maximum points ought only ever be 40, my leader and I agreed that breastfeeding twins made things different, and maintaining my supply was the priority. I went away the first week on 43 points, with the agreement that I could lower my daily allowance if weight didn't shift.

With 8lbs off the first week, and my first stone lost within 3 weeks, it was obvious that for my particular circumstances, the rule of *never less than 16, never more than 40* was not going to be followed. In fact I was on over 40 points for the first 4months, until the girls started eating solid foods. In this time I successfully lost almost 40lbs. The introduction of solid food to the twins' diets happened around the same time as I hit the 12 stones, meaning I jumped from 41 points to 30 inside a fortnight.. killer.

So, into the 20s now, and I need every one. Have been struggling to stick to 30 a day, so will be a real discipline to make sure I eat exactly 29 points every day this week. But I *will* do it.

Filling foods are my friends!!

Saturday, March 14, 2009

sneaky peek..

this morning put me at 163lbs, 2lb off this week. Whoop. Feeling cheered and motivated for a well behaved weekend by that result. =)

Very possible that I can get that last lb off too, to get to my Easter challenge goal of 162lbs. That would be awesome.

Weekends are good for earning activity points. I take Malachi to his Rugbytots class on a Saturday afternoon, an hour of running about after/with him in the sports centre, and moving his nearly 40lb frame about. Sundays we go to church, the walk is 3 miles there and back, and down and up a very steep hill, all while pushing 80lbs of kid&buggy, and carrying another 40lbs of babies.. should burn my extra lb just doing these activities!!

Friday, March 13, 2009

Got that Friday feeling...

and I am so ready for the weekend. Red Nose Day has put far too much cake temptation my way - am winning the willpower battle for now though!

Almost feel that I just want to get this week done. To weigh in on Monday, hoping to see a loss (even after the caramel binge) and get started on my "back to basics" month..

Planning a sneaky peek tomorrow, as all I am thinking about is whether my damage limitation has been enough. I like to know what's going on. I'm just so, *so* ready to put a line under the mad binge eating and start with fresh approach/perspective. I know being on a "clean, new" week will help me to get my mind into the right place. I've 3lbs to lose for my Easter goal, and would love to shed a few more too ready for going back for a visit to Leicester. I was over 200lbs last time I saw anyone there, and a few haven't seen me since I was at my heaviest. Want my hard work to have as big an impact as possible. =)

Monday 2 miles
Tuesday 3 miles
Wednesday 4 miles
Thursday 2 miles
Friday 3.5 miles

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Six months in.. revising the plan

28 weeks in and it has jogged along relatively easily, nearly 10lbs off a month - great. My personality and weightwatchers are a good combo. Still, I keep catching myself wondering when my streak of luck will run out, and it'll stop 'working'. I'm not able to really have faith that I deserve this weight loss, that it's for real, that I will be healthy and free of the flab. I still see myself as a massively obese woman with horrible diet choices and no exercise.

Sam caught me getting dressed this morning and, laughingly, asked me what I was doing. "Putting on my jeans" (he looks pointedly at the waistband) "would you like a belt? They are falling off you." I look down and pull at the extra 4-5 inches of material gaping open "mmm, I guess they are a bit loose, but the only other clean jeans that fit are a 14... I'm not that skinny"

.. and there it is. I've been stuck truly seeing myself as too fat to get back into regular sized clothing. Horribly aware of the band of flab and stretched skin left as a reminder of my pregnancies and very conscious of the risk of it spilling over too-tight trousers ("muffin top")
On dear hubbys insistence, and his loan of a mens jumper to wear, I went out in the size 14s. I survived, I got to live a few hours without yanking wayward jeans up, and no-one screamed and ran in disgust.

So, I figure it's time now to really look at what I'm up to, and base how I see myelf upon what changes I've made, rather than choices I was making over 6 months ago.

The weightwatchers discover plan is simple, follow it and you can expect a steady rate of weight loss.
1. Track everything you eat, and stick to your personal points allowance.
2. Drink plenty of fluids, 6-8 glasses each day.
3. A portion of calcium each day.
4. 5 portions of fruit and veg a day.
5. Be more active. Weightwatchers recommends working towards activity levels earning 28 bonus points a week.
Nursing mums need more nutrients, so please follow these guidelines:
Increase water to 8 glasses, dairy to 3 portions and fruit & vegetables to 8 portions. Fit in 3 teaspoons of healthy oils each day to ensure that you are getting the essential oils that you and your baby need. Remember to re-take the Personal POINTS Quiz when you start or stop breast-feeding.

So, following the likes of Bryher (just love looking back over her last 14 months journey) I will be focusing in one one of these areas each week for the next month.. aiming to build on each week to a successful whole. I don't do too badly anyway, though regularly go over by a few points on a day and dock it off others.. who am I kidding, I always do that.. figure that I'll work on balance and make sure that I am at my weekly total allowance. Fluids, I think I manage the 6 glasses, need to ramp up to the recommended 8. 3 portions of dairy, one I am slacking on to be honest. I eat loads of fruit and veg now and my exercise levels are better.. so already feeling a bit prouder of myself than I was at the start of this entry..

Monday 2 miles
Tuesday 3 miles
Wednesday 4 miles
Thursday 2 miles

Thinking slim

I can feel it is happening, right now. I am wobbling between old habits and the new, healthy, intuitive machine of body&brain that I will be.

Binge eating, over eating, no exercise, carbonated/hot drinks, chocolate/caramel/cakes as a major part of my calorific intake of a day.. all things that I have struggled to want to let go of.

I have stuck to points, so daily overeating was first to stop. Binge eating is something that I know a healthy slim person ought not be doing, but I struggled to believe that the desire to binge was something I wanted to lose.. I was happy with the idea of binging on WI day, then docking my points over the rest of the week, and it worked! I lost weight anyway.

Course, as my points allowance has gotten smaller (yay! and *sob*) it wasn't so easy to keep up.. the 6 days post binge I started to feel too hungry, deprived and annoyed at silly amount of eating I had done on the first day. I also began to realise that the extra points for breastfeeding weren't a "bonus" but truly necessary. The babies would be fretful on a day when I ate less, a day like that would lead to me being cranky and snappy with low blood sugar - so I imagine they felt similarly!!

A big motivator fora me has been the kids. As well as being healthy to care for them, I want to instill healthy attitudes about weight and food in their minds. and give their bodies good foods from the start. I need to be modelling good food behaviours. It's all good that my children will eat fruit, veg, lean meats and whole grains as they see me doing.. but if they are watching me and see me get excited about chocolate and cake - which food are they going to believe is *better*? Which is *preferable*? Which food will they grab for when they want a snack? I have to eat well to nourish all of my children properly - not just the two I'm providing milk for!!

I am finding that I am enjoying the good nutritionally high valued foods more and more. I really savour each mouthful I am eating and feeling done without looking for something sweet and stodgy to fill up in after.

Really hit home on Tuesday. I'd walked to the shops with the kids and got absolutely soaked on the way back. Getting in and unpacking the bags I could tell the twins wanted feeding, so looked for some thing quick to grab before sitting down with them. Foolishly, I had bought 2 packs of GoAhead! caramel bars.. I have a huge weakness fr caramel, cannot get enough.. and something about the "healthy" image McVities have tried to market with the GA range had me naively believing that shovelling caramel, chocolate and biscuit down my gullet wouldn't matter, cos they'd put it in the right wrapper.. (yeah, you really had to want to believe it.) I pushed 32 points of the stuff into my body in under 4 minutes. How I managed to get enough oxygen up into my brain I don't know (although I bet I have grounds for not being of sound mind there..) My throat hurt, my nose was tchy, I felt wired and zingy and not in a good/useful way.

After docking 4 points a day from the 5 days left before WI I had enough eft to eat a dinner of butternut squash mash and parsnip chips with mixed veg... which I enjoyed more, left me feeling well and was a whooping 2 points. My kids were all sat munching their dinners, and at that moment I really got it. I cannot allow these other substances in my home *and* I'm not missing out on anything anyway! Why can I not love and protect my body the way I do my kids?

So - back to basics re: thinking slim. I am not going to act fat. Plenty of fluids. Fruit and veg til it's coming out my ears. Good, lean sources of protein. Keeping active.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

This ought to be easy...

after blogging about it, I gathered up the halflings, chucked clean clothing on us all (small people need far too many wardrobe changes IMO) and out the door to a beautiful bright fresh spring afternoon. Nothing urgent to do, so walked as the mood took us.

Seth, nearly 4, is now beginning to appreciate the changing seasons. I was gutted to not have my camera as he splashed through a puddle, huge grin on his face and a broken crocus in hand. After winding across the green talking about the life cycle of the trees and flowers we decided to mooch on to Sainsburys, about a mile and a half away for (more) butternut squash, parsnips and apples. Then out to the library and finally popped into the local co-op/pharmacy to pick up the babies first toothbrushes.

Got back and noted we'd been out, and moving, for 3 hours.. felt like a fairly average walk, was thirsty but nor flagging.. so I guess on the exercise front we're quite alright as we are! So, walked a distance of 4 miles (not counting the wndering around at the green/in shops) totally forgot the pedometer, will try again tomorrow! The 5k RFL in 4 months ought to be fine .. although the girls will be a little bigger.

Monday 2 miles
Tuesday 3 miles
Wednesday 4 miles

Get moving..

On a kick, now I'm getting close to my first start weight (how odd is that to type??!) of 11st 3lb - I remember being active every day was very important in getting a result at the scales each week.

I'm a fairly active person anyway, but find that if I get out of the house each day my mental wellbeing is so much better than if I've stayed in. Being cooped up all day with 4 kids aged 3 and under is not good for stress levels! Getting everyone ready to go takes some doing, but after 15mins walk I feel great. Seth is always better for a walk too, and the younger three enjoy the fresh air and change of scene.

SO. I am going to start getting us all out every day for a decent walk, even if it's just to walk the roads for a couple of miles. Going to use MapMyRun to work out how far we've walked of a week, and I've found my pedometer, will be interested to see if I am doing the recommended 10K steps a day.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Some use fish, or poultry, some even their cats. I use my children..

.. not to worry, it's not as an ingredient for some bizarre cannibalistic recipe "the weightwatchers way"! This weeks weigh in showed a loss of 57lbs. As I've lost such a great amount I wanted to find a way to visualise how far I've come.

I have enjoyed Bryher's posts with images, thrown up by Google, of fish (and more recently celebs!) equalling her weight loss so far. Another blogger, Steph has used a rooster.. a forumite at WWonline has noted the 20lb she lost was equal to her pet cats.. I have a rather lovely (grin) brood of small children, whose weights I am often lugging about, so it really does help me realise just how much excess flab I've shifted.

The extra weight I have put down forever is now the equivalent of my 39lb 2 year old and one of my 18lb 10month olds!

Monday, March 09, 2009

Toffee pancakes - 2 points

Since I introduced my brood to pancakes a couple of weeks ago, I've been presented with little boys bearing flour and a whisk on a fair few occasions! VERY happy to oblige, but not to thrilled at eating a third of my daily points in batter and sweet sauces every other day, I decided to mess about with the ingredients a bit.

Instead of milk and an egg, I am using water and egg white. Substituting nutella spread for toffee sauce also cut the points values. Two small pancakes made with nutella two weeks ago were pointed at 12 a portion. Today's offering was low points, and very scrummy!

100g plain flour
8 fl oz water
1-2 egg whites
(makes 8 pancakes)
60g toffee sauce

drizzle 15g toffee sauce over 2 pancakes = 2 points.

Looking forward to being asked for these for snacks tomorrow morning!!

week 28 - 4 stones off!

Whoop! Growth spurting they were, as this week saw another loss at the scales. I was really hoping to reach my 4th stone today at 166lbs, 11st 12lb is also the weight I remember being at my appointment with the midwife in Autumn 2004 when I was 2 months pregnant with Seth - so hitting it again would mean closing the door on my pregnancy gain from all 4 kids!

I was thrilled this morning when took a sneaky peek, my scales said 165lbs! The big official scales confirmed it, another 3lbs off this week, just what I needed to see after a slog of a week.

So, that's my eighth silver 7, and BMI is now around 29!

You lost another 7lb!

You lost another 7lb! Great job. You've got momentum going. Here are some ideas to keep you rolling. Don't forget to share your success with your Leader.

See you next week!

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Goals and targets

******************EDIT JULY 2010************************

Have scrubbed the goals board clean, and using new dates so I can look forward rather than continually looking back and feeling like a muppet!

So yeah, some of these goals I had achieved last year. But I'm putting in the effort now, and deserve to acknowledge the work now, just as I did then. Without having the voice niggling at me about how much time I wasted. I *know* I messed up, but I'm done beating myself up, it doesn't burn enough calories...


I have yet to set an official goal weight with weightwatchers, but I guess I'll set it at 138lb (9st12lb) exactly 6 stone off my starting weight, and 3lbs under the top range of healthy BMI for my height. Still, my *ultimate* weight goal is to reach 122lbs (8st 10lbs) which is what I weighed just after my wedding, and I felt so well at that time. I've had 4 kids since, so I don't know if that will still be the case, but it would be incredibly satisfying to know I'd managed 100 lbs loss!

I've picked out loads of mini goals to break it down into manageable chunks, and keep me motivated along the way. Italics are the target dates I'm hoping to achieve each goal at. Coloured = completed, and link to relevant blog entries where I've made them! I have weight, fitness and size/NSV goals.


7lbs off - 10/09/08

first stone off - 26/09/08

10% goal (200lbs) - June 30th 2010
25lbs off - June 30th 2010 - equivalent weight of a daughter.
second stone off (194) - July 7th
third stone (180) 
lose equivalent of a rhino - (179)
20% off (178)
50lbs off *halfway* (172)
lose the weight of eldest child or the twins combined!! (170)
fourth stone (168)
30% goal (156)
smallest boy and smallest girl (-154 ish)
fifth stone (152)
75 lbs off (147)
biggest boy and biggest girl (- 145ish)
WW goal for gold membership (140) 
sixth stone (138) 
40% goal (134)
wedding dress weight (as of final fitting) (129)
lose weight of both twins and the rhino -127ish
lose weight of both rhino and the big un -125ish
seventh stone (124)
45% goal (123) 
goal 100lbs off

Upstairs without getting breathless - 10/08
Not falling asleep in the day - 12/09
Resting pulse in normal range - 02/09
Able to get all 4 kids up the hill by myself - 04/03/09
Take Malachi to rugbytots (an hour spent running after him) - 28/02/09
Wii piggy Bronze
Wii piggy Silver
Wii piggy Gold
Race for life 5k under an hour - July 19th 2009
Race for Life 5k under 50mins - July 18th 2010
BMI overweight, not obese 
BMI "healthy"
Run 20 minutes straight 
Complete C25K
Complete B210K
200 squats - 02/06/09
100 press ups
200 sit ups
complete 30 day shred

Clothes/size goals:
Out of maternity wear/hubbys fat clothes. 11/08
Into size 18 - clothes last worn in 2005. 12/08
Into size 16 jeans, bought after having Seth but never fit. 02/09
Into size 14 - back to pre-pregnancy size. 03/09
Into size 12 - bag of new clothes for me when I do 06/09

Out of joggers and back into 16s - July 2010

size 14 - yay I have more than one pair of trousers again
size 12 - it's like I have a wardrobe or something!
size 10, the clothes I adore 
Back into my wedding dress

Waist under 40"- July 2010
Waist under 32" (no longer "high risk" for diabetes)
Waist in the 20s
Waist-to-hip ratio <0.8> 
Waist-to-hip ratio <0.7>
Hips under 40" 

Ack.. too hungry

I don't know whether the babies are needing an extra 10 points a day, or whether it's just me being a glutton, but I'm finding sticking to my (already decent amount of) 30 points every day. I am just SO hungry. I'm mostly making good choices, using filling foods, eating lots of grains, fruit and veg and protein at each meal, but within an hour I'm growly-bellied again.

Determined to see the scales display *11* st something tomorrow, but a tad worried that the extra (50??!) points I've consumed this week will tell tales on me. =( It is very possible that the girls are doing a 9-10month growth spurting and needing up to an extra 10points a day, in which case I ought to have a loss - just don't want to get my hopes up.

Too scared to have a sneaky peek in case it tells me bad news and I pig out in pity for myself, lol.

Think maybe I need to change how I'm using the points, make soups/other low point fillers between meals - up to now I've been able to snack without being careful with my allowance, starting at 43 points I had plenty to play with. Now I am on 29, still a decent amount, but without changing my mindset I am falling into eating patterns which mean I only have a couple points left for dinner/evening snacking.

Also being more strict with myself about activity. I walk a lot anyway, but am pushing to do "extra exercise" 3 times a week. This week, on top of looking after the brood and usual walking to the shops/park/outings I have taken Malachi to his Rugbytots class, and run around with him for the hour. I've walked twice down to the village at the bottom of our hill and back again (a 2mile walk and *very* steep) with 50lbs to push in the buggy, and carrying the 40lbs weight of the twins. We also have been for a 2 hour walk in the sunshine to the garden centre. I'm going to be recording how many miles I'm walking each week now, (using MapMyRun) and as the babies get bigger, hopefully get to go out for a run in the evening a few times a week.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

bye bye plus sizes..

.. hello scary amount of newly shoppable clothing!

After going through my wardrobe and pulling out all my size 18+ clothes I felt good. I had trousers to wear that were bought new 3 years ago, and looked forward to trying them on.

The first pair were a bit too baggy, another pair sagged horribly. A third pair fit well enough and so I wore them to the farm. Today I wore the fourth pair. And spent all day long pulling my trousers up!!

Seems that I have skipped by becoming a size 16 and gone straight to a 14. Actually, a 15 would be good, to avoid muffin top effect when I'm sat feeding the babies... upon getting home this evening I pulled out the trousers I last wore before going into maternity wear when pregnant with my eldest child. They are topshop 14 jeans. Really did not expect to get them up, never mind fastened, although I am the same weight as I was when last wearing them..

4.5 years ago (left) today (right)

A size 14!! Amazing. Am really spurred on by this (as well as by being bought new size 14-16 tops by proud hubby) Aiming for 2lbs off this week, to hit 4 stone off in 6months and get back to my official pre-pregnancy weight. Then it's just the regular "eats too much" flab that I have got to lose!

Monday, March 02, 2009

week 27 - last time in "the 12s"

weighed in at 12 stone on the nose today, half a lb lost over the week (not bad at all considering silly amounts of pancakes consumed!)

So, it's spring, I am on track for being at 11st 8lb for the end of the Easter challenge, have almost lost the weight I've carried since being a few weeks pregnant with Seth in 2004 and am more than halfway to goal. By the time the long nights are drawing back in I shall be at a very different stage in my journey - maintenance.

I am excited, it's really hit me that this is for real.. the changing shape, the new-found energy, the clothes that fit comfortably.. it's all just going to get better. I won't be struggling to cover over my bulge this summer, while sweating under a silly-big top.

Sam had taken two days off work, and today we went to the farm, soft play and out for a meal. I had desert, and went over my points, but am letting myself off as we were walking around all day, and this is meant to be long term - I'm gonna eat out and have treats with my kids. =)

Hubby, spurred on by my shrinking form, has been quietly watching his eating habits for 6 weeks and dropped from 275lbs to 262lbs. Now he's told me, spring is here and he intends to be back to goal for Autumn, around 205lbs. I'm really thrilled he's pushing himself, and look forward to a healthy anniversary photo!