Thursday, March 12, 2009

Thinking slim

I can feel it is happening, right now. I am wobbling between old habits and the new, healthy, intuitive machine of body&brain that I will be.

Binge eating, over eating, no exercise, carbonated/hot drinks, chocolate/caramel/cakes as a major part of my calorific intake of a day.. all things that I have struggled to want to let go of.

I have stuck to points, so daily overeating was first to stop. Binge eating is something that I know a healthy slim person ought not be doing, but I struggled to believe that the desire to binge was something I wanted to lose.. I was happy with the idea of binging on WI day, then docking my points over the rest of the week, and it worked! I lost weight anyway.

Course, as my points allowance has gotten smaller (yay! and *sob*) it wasn't so easy to keep up.. the 6 days post binge I started to feel too hungry, deprived and annoyed at silly amount of eating I had done on the first day. I also began to realise that the extra points for breastfeeding weren't a "bonus" but truly necessary. The babies would be fretful on a day when I ate less, a day like that would lead to me being cranky and snappy with low blood sugar - so I imagine they felt similarly!!

A big motivator fora me has been the kids. As well as being healthy to care for them, I want to instill healthy attitudes about weight and food in their minds. and give their bodies good foods from the start. I need to be modelling good food behaviours. It's all good that my children will eat fruit, veg, lean meats and whole grains as they see me doing.. but if they are watching me and see me get excited about chocolate and cake - which food are they going to believe is *better*? Which is *preferable*? Which food will they grab for when they want a snack? I have to eat well to nourish all of my children properly - not just the two I'm providing milk for!!

I am finding that I am enjoying the good nutritionally high valued foods more and more. I really savour each mouthful I am eating and feeling done without looking for something sweet and stodgy to fill up in after.

Really hit home on Tuesday. I'd walked to the shops with the kids and got absolutely soaked on the way back. Getting in and unpacking the bags I could tell the twins wanted feeding, so looked for some thing quick to grab before sitting down with them. Foolishly, I had bought 2 packs of GoAhead! caramel bars.. I have a huge weakness fr caramel, cannot get enough.. and something about the "healthy" image McVities have tried to market with the GA range had me naively believing that shovelling caramel, chocolate and biscuit down my gullet wouldn't matter, cos they'd put it in the right wrapper.. (yeah, you really had to want to believe it.) I pushed 32 points of the stuff into my body in under 4 minutes. How I managed to get enough oxygen up into my brain I don't know (although I bet I have grounds for not being of sound mind there..) My throat hurt, my nose was tchy, I felt wired and zingy and not in a good/useful way.

After docking 4 points a day from the 5 days left before WI I had enough eft to eat a dinner of butternut squash mash and parsnip chips with mixed veg... which I enjoyed more, left me feeling well and was a whooping 2 points. My kids were all sat munching their dinners, and at that moment I really got it. I cannot allow these other substances in my home *and* I'm not missing out on anything anyway! Why can I not love and protect my body the way I do my kids?

So - back to basics re: thinking slim. I am not going to act fat. Plenty of fluids. Fruit and veg til it's coming out my ears. Good, lean sources of protein. Keeping active.

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