Thursday, April 30, 2009

11am and I'm ready for bed

I'm so tired, been feeling a bit off for a few days, and had no voice since Sunday morning. Today I woke up ready for bed. I have no reserves left, feel completely touched out and just want to be left alone to veg about really. Thankfully the kids are all OK, a bit snotty but otherwise well enough for now. Seth is more bothered with making me talk about Thomas the tank engine than anything else.. so we just have to muddle through until I feel right again I suppose.

I am not really sick, but am really hating feeling like this - and I know why. This is how I felt every. single. day. at 220lbs+ Every question from my 3yr old smashes my foggied brain. Every spilt drink, dirty nappy, bruised knee requires me to move my tired aching body about. Just as I get comfy feeding the girls, the boys will begin screaming at each other and demanding I referee. On the rare occasion I start a chore or am in the middle of doing something for me (like a loo trip, or making a drink/snack - oh the luxuries of motherhood!) someone else will pipe up with another job for me to do "drink please" "I hurt" "... *bang* ..sob" Argh.

Rather than resorting to locking myself away and screaming into a pillow (which would be my first choice, but leaves children unattended and likely to "create" further issues for me to get het up over) I would eat. Grab a chocolate bar and stuff the anger down with it. Gulp down some coke and burn my throat with the fizz, instead of the yelling I wanted to do. Get a handful (or two) of caramel bites and focus on the sweet taste rather than feel overwhelmed at the amount to be done today.

I can't do that anymore, it doesn't help. It propagates the sickness rather than treats it. It doesn't even relieve the symptoms, just stalls the awareness of them.

So, today, feeling ill but a whole heap better than I did every day 70lbs ago I decided I would eat something "comforting", but also good for my body. I got the kids involved in playing with their toy garage, chucked the disney Cars dvd on, and got into the kitchen.

Today is blackberry day, I had intended to eat them late this afternoon, as a "pudding" .. but I figured I'd treat myself to pudding for brunch!

The label had suggested to blend them with milk and ice cream.. boring, too many points for a drink, and would mean I missed out trying the texture really. Stewed blackberries sounded lovely, but needed to much time for me to be tempted.
or why not just... serve with hot custard, or add a generous handful to sponge mixture to make moist blackberry muffins.

Oh, OK. That sounds perfect! Made 12 cupcakes, 4 of them with blackberries, then while the halflings devoured theirs I heated through some low fat custard and the remaining berries and served myself a really comforting plate of food.. 8 points!! Worth every one and very filling.

Another thumbs up, blood sugar and peace is restored.


  1. OMG you totally got me with the food to feed the parenting stress. and the constant need to haul my fat ass to the next mess...

  2. You're making my mouth water!!