Wednesday, May 20, 2009

ENOUGH!


Really. Time to whip the rate of weightloss, my diet, my attitude and my lazy arse back into shape.

I AM determined to do this. I know what I need to be doing to achieve my goals. I have high expectations, but I can easily meet them if I just do the plan. I know now when I'm about to binge/overeat, and there is a moment now where I am able to make the choice, it's not as automatic as it was. It's time to break the habit.

It will start with me stood in the kitchen, having just made a drink or snack for the kids, or finished a chore, and I'll automatically look around for my "treat". How messed up is my head that I have trained myself like a gundog to expect a titbit every time I complete a task?!?

Well done Joy, you cleaned something - stuff your face with as much bread and sugar as you can in the 90 seconds before the kids start strangling themselves for your attention
...

I found myself there yesterday, having already stretched my confused system by downing 3 slices of chocolate covered toast

As an aside, why I bother using thinly sliced malted loaf when I am topping it with Nutella I do not know.. in fact I'm not topping it at all, it's just there as an edible spoon. Perhaps on some level I am attempting to control my intake of the evil spread.. a thicker slice would allow me to have double the weight of the chocolate?!

.. so, already eaten at least half my days calories, with nothing good in my body.. by lunch I was scarfing bowl after bowl of high fibre cereal. By 2pm my head was hungry again and I was 5 points over for the day. Ugh.

Evening saw me stood in the kitchen, bagel in hand, mindlessly chewing away on the incredibly tasty, but totally unnecessary pile of food.

ENOUGH. If it means throwing it in the bin uneaten I have to stop myself putting these things into my mouth! For the next 5 days I am going to do "fast start" 18 points a day (should be 24 for breastfeeding mums) if I feel very hungry I will go up to 24, but after yesterday I really need to give my body a kick.

Come next Monday being back on 28 will feel like all my birthdays come at once.

8 comments:

  1. I would hardly describe your ass as lazy. After 180 CONSECUTIVE squats the other day I think your ass is best described as FIT. Try not to beat yourself up too much because you've done really well and just encountered a little bump in the road - my aunt in Northampton calls them sleeping policeman. ha-ha. Here in California we call them annoying. Anyway...all your talk of food is reminding me how much I love the english plain chocolate digestives. I could inhale a whole package right now. Hang in there!

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  2. Ok, I know the kids like it...but do you HAVE to have the nutella in the house? Get rid of it.
    Get healthy food in the house so your triggers just aren't there, and when you are 'munchy' then you'll have healthy choices.
    If they are 'unhealthy' things, then you'll be doing the kids a favour by getting rid of them too.

    You CAN do this. You KNOW you can!
    I have faith in you.
    *hugs tight*

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  3. A home without Nutella would be a very scary place to live with my 3yo ;)

    In all seriousness though, I did a week without having any of my trigger foods in, and I still managed to binge.

    I use Nutella a lot as an example because it is one of the foods I don't ever need to eat, isn't useful etc, etc - yet I still fall for it..

    and it's one of the few things my 3yo really loves to eat. (Other foods are apple, banana, mango, a variety of veg, pizza, chicken, beef, wholegrain bread and plain pancakes)

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  4. Does little one like anything else? Like jam or something spreadable?
    When I need a complete sugar hit, I nick a spoonful of jam out of the fridge! Hehe! not sure if it's any better, points wise, than nutella actually *think*....but I have banned myself from chocolate, and haven't touched any since September!!

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  5. Crap...
    I am so sorry if my comments came across the wrong way.
    You read my blog, you know I have sproglets too....I know what MY cupboards looked like when they were little.....and I know how hard it is to keep adult fingers away from those foods.

    I admire you so much. I wish I had the determination/will power when my little ones were so small. I'd have enjoyed their early years so much more if I'd got off my butt and did something about it, just as you have. *takes hat off to you*
    But I didn't, and it makes me sad.

    Your blog makes me smile so much when I read it.

    I didn't want my comments to come across as a negative, I just speak/type/send before I think sometimes.
    I apologize.

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  6. No! Don't apologise! You are right, of course. The best way to go forward would be to completely cut the triggers out. However with Mr fussy pants not being the worlds easiest eater, I do end up living with less than my ideal wrt his food choices.

    Is just another part of the giving over of self when mumming small ones I suppose, hope to learn the art of enjoying these foods in moderation like my boy can!

    And cyber hugs to you - yours is one I keep up with and enjoy. Always can relate to your blog. I am grateful to you for the time you spend on keeping up with me, and every comment you've made! =)

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  7. You can do it!!

    You're amazing for knowing what sort of things trigger you and recognizing those is about 90% of the battle :) At least I think so!

    Tonight I bought skinny cow pops to curb my craving for ALL OF THE ICE CREAM IN THE WORLD.

    ps. I'm down to 189.5 from 200lbs since April 6th. I was 229 when I had my daughter & I'm feeling pretty good about myself!

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