So, trying to work up the courage to get the tankini on and look at my reflection, I popped onto the mvm weightloss simulator and made up my 'before' as well as a current cyber-me.
OK, there's a marked difference. (Though the before me is in far better shape than I was at that weight....) There was no way I would ever bare more than my forearms at top weight. In the heat of summer I would wear tops that left my upper arms exposed and would feel horribly self aware all the time. My tummy, back and legs have been covered, always, except during a holiday at centre parcs in 2006, and during labour!
I would rather the physical discomfort of overdressing, than the other uncomfortable feelings that I would suffer if I was kind to myself in that way. Wearing a short sleeved top I would be aware of the size of my pale undertoned upper arms, wearing a smaller, more fitted top I would wonder how many people were looking at it clinging to my bulge in disgust. Hiding under a mobile tent I hoped to have done enough to earn their disinterest. I'd like to go back and tell myself to just get comfy. The last thing I should have worried about was what others might have thought. I can stop now though, and start treating myself as I deserve to be. Wearing what makes me most comfortable and happy, not apologising for my existence.
So spurred on by my virtual me, I got brave..
Not about to enter any pageants and I've still a way to go before I lose my flabby bits. That said I am pleasantly surprised seeing the state of me in the photo. Wouldn't bat an eye at seeing her in the local pool splashing about with her kids, so it looks like Seth will get the sessions he's after =) Another benefit for him from the weight loss.
Sam has bought me some size 12 summer-y stuff from H&M, 3/4 leggings and a halterneck top. I was unsure that I wanted to have so much skin bare, but now I'm looking forward to the next sunny day so I can soak up some Vitamin D somewhere other than my forearms and face!