Thursday, June 04, 2009

the one with the unflattering photo

since reaching my target for Easter, and receiving loads of comments on my then 65lb loss, the urgency of the previous 7 months has been lost. Spent the last few weeks chasing the same few lbs up and down.

I haven't felt the same need to be losing weight. I want to, I know that pound for pound the next 30 matter as much as the 70 already gone, in terms of my self confidence and health. Just the lack of external motivation seems to have given me excuse enough to slack off. No longer am I worrying about others judging my size, or about fitting into regular clothing. I feel normal and healthy. Feedback I get is termed in such a way as supposes I have completed my journey, that wanting to lose more might be excessive, that I can relax now.

I know I am not finished yet, but I have foolishly relaxed my efforts and am reaping the rewards. Maintenance.

That is not where I need to be, not yet. I still have 1/3 of my journey to make before I get to that stage. My motivations have changed. I have achieved many of the goals I had in mind when I started out in September, so they can't be what I think of when I need a mental boost to stick to points/get moving/not jam something calorie dense down my neck.

Looking quickly at my targets and goals list, I have plenty left to aim for. My challenges, the race for life next month, fitting into the lush clothes I have waiting in my wardrobe, a healthy BMI.. all these things really matter to me. I need to set myself new deadlines and strive to reach them, it works well for me. I have gotten a bit washy about them since not quite making the 5 stone by the girls birthday (but I did it for Seths 2 weeks later!).

When I started I wanted to lose weight to be able to fit into some of my clothing, I was too big for all of it and was uncomfortably wedging myself into Sams jeans.
I wanted to be able to sit in a booth at a restaurant, something I had newly discovered I couldn't do, and left without ordering lunch after bursting into tears of frustration.
I wanted to be able to take my kids into town and back without aching, and sweating.
I wanted to stay awake in the day, not fall asleep leaving my small children unobserved.
I wanted to sleep well at night, not wake up in agony, stiff muscles and still tired out from a night of snoring and apnea.
I wanted to be able to wear my wedding rings.
I wanted to weigh 100something lbs, not 100something kilos.
I wanted to get into a lift and not be totting up the combined weight of everyone, worrying I would stop the thing moving.
I wanted my children to have memories of me as a happy healthy mum. Not have to rely on memories to know me because I wasn't around.
I wanted to enjoy being active, to chase the kids, to run and play with them.
I wanted to fit between my babies in the car.
I wanted my husband to be proud of me, and not have to worry about my health or wellbeing.
I wanted to have extra cash to spend, not extra flab to show how I wasted our money on fast food.
I wanted to look back on photos and smile, enjoying who I was, not feeling ashamed or depressed.

Now that I've lost 70lbs my reasons have changed.

My rings and clothes fit, in fact they are too big now, and I need to shop/have them adjusted. I fit easily into car seats between my kids, get into lifts without thinking twice about weight limits, and have enough room that I can nurse my babies in booth/train seats easily. I am sleeping better than I have in years, and have more than enough energy to get through the days of activity with my brood. I feel more than able to take the boys to their rugby classes and keep up. My number on the scale no longer seems like a scary mountain I have to climb, just a hill that might get me a bit breathless!

I look back at photos now, and am beginning to enjoy what I see. I look like me again, I can begin to see someone with some confidence looking back at me. It is good. This week, for Seths birthday we went out; to a park, for a picnic and to the farm. As usual there was a lot of photo taking - looking through the photos I saw a few less than flattering ones, that really made me smile. Partly because I am happy in them, enjoying celebrating my boy. But also because I can see in these photos I do still have a way to go. All the comments I heard this weekend about not needing to lose more, or having lost plenty now were made by overweight/obese family members, but I stupidly had started to wonder if they were right. Maybe I was expecting too much, maybe I should just enjoy that caramel slice, those sausage rolls.. after all I had done *so* well... GAH!

That evening as I uploaded the photos I came across a few unflattering, but fantastic as far as being an incentive for weightloss, ones of me. This chick still has poundage to shift! Bloated waistline, extra weight around her thighs and upper arms. How much would she benefit from just a couple stone fat loss? LOADS! Her weight would be middle of healthy BMI, her waist hip ratio far better, and all her fabby clothes would fit again, whoop.

So, I am 5lbs away from my 75lb certificate, another 1lb til my 4th 10% is reached and then just 5lbs again until my goal for gold membership, and a BMI of 25. I had set my next 'dated' goal - to reach 141lbs and gold membership for when my current monthly pass runs out - July 2nd. I am going to push myself to do this.

I've just switched my subscription from monthly pass to 3 months of e-source. If I hit goal by renewal date then I'm saving 12.95 a month, but if I haven't hit 141 by July 2nd then I'll have to hand cash over at the meeting, instead of flashing my pass.. and won't have the spare coins to treat myself by getting a box of yummy WW bars in return. Eek. I don't want to be wasting that cash by eating crappy food between WIs. Interested to see if I can make this carrot-stick approach work.

3 comments:

  1. awesome plan way to look back in order to move forward

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  2. An inspiring and thought-provoking entry. Thank you.

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  3. Glad you have got your mojo back.
    GO YOU!!

    I had to re-assess my goals in the past week or so....I was aware of...erm...kind of 'stagnating'....if that makes sense.

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