Friday, July 31, 2009

Oh crappity crap..

Jumped on the scales to fully assess the damage. I knew it would be bad, but yikes.

11st 6.5lb. 160.5lb. A gain of 12.5lbs!!

OK, lots and lots of water and moving and fresh foods. Going to zap this wheaty bulge back off pronto.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


I clamber back onto the wagon, flushed and struggling to catch my breath.. hoping somehow that no-one noticed me slip off .. an awkward moment as I attempt to squish myself back into the space vacated just days ago, surely the week of eating can't have been THAT bad? Skinny gold0member neighbour moves up the bench, with a raised eyebrow at my sheepish expression, before motioning to me to sit down. A friendly newbie finds it in their heart to help me out, and mimes wiping at their mouth - oops, no wonder skinny next door is still glaring daggers..

Already having to put up with my flabby, sweaty mess of a body sat practically onto her knee - the evidence of my crimes are not only apparent in my bloated waistline, but are literally still splashed across my face. After wiping the chocolate spread from my cheek, I fish some wipes out of my bag, rustling wrappers as I go, and frantically swab at the syrup on my jeans.

Once cleaned up I sit back and attempt to regain my calm composure . The wagon is still moving, my work is not all undone. A few days hanging out with old friends at 150 doesn't mean I'll wake up in 220, just means I won't get the financial benefits of living at 140, or see the sights of 130, or feel the thrill of reaching 120, my dream neighbourhood. The journey is still ongoing, my ticket valid. I can make stops along the way.

What went wrong? I ate wheat. A total accident, and one I only worked out days after the fact. It was a teeny tiny amount, but Oh My Granola, the repercussions...

Last week I attended 4 events with party eats, 1 BBQ and 3 picnics. Picnic 1 on Monday was OK. I ate my pointed goodies and was happy as Larry on Prozac. Wednesday was a teddy bears picnic at playgroup. I was stuck as nearly everything was wheat-y. Managed to make a small plate with cucumber, strawberries, cheese and a Jordans oat bar. That evening I craved food, though I was already over points.. my tummy grumbled all night, and the net morning I felt bloated but ravenous. Thursday and Friday I struggled to stay on track. I felt like I had an upset stomach and wanted to eat and eat.

Saturday we had a picnic with friends. Overate badly. Sunday we went to a BBQ. I abstained from anything wheat-y. Plumping for salad and potatoes. Got home and overate. Monday I skipped WI, it was tipping it down, but I couldn't pretend to be any less than thrilled not to go. Yesterday I went over points, as I did today. 2pm this afternoon I reach to get a Jordans oat bar, and note the new packaging on this box, like the one I ate at the tots picnic last Wednesday.. hang on.. it contains wheat bran?? Eh? Check the old bars.. nope, no wheat.. ohhhh %&*%$ that explains that then. About 10grams of wheat last week, and the new regime crumbled.

Well, back on the horse now.. onwards and downwards = and no more hiding and scoffing.

Am probably back over 155 now. Definately not going to hit goal for Monday, unless I chop off a limb. Am thinking it would not work well, long term.

Still, my goal is to get back on track. Get weighed on Monday and then use the remaining 3 weeks til my anniversary to work my arse off to reach gold, and fit that dress.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

never mind muscles of steel..

mine are going for lead. Midweek check in showed a 1/2lb loss, I assume once my muscles get used to the 30DS they'll stop retaining water. To have a loss of 3-4lbs next week I need to really stay on target with both the workouts and my diet.. and very importantly, up my H2O intake.

After shredding twice yesterday, I woke up sore, like I felt after doing my initial test for the 200squats. Still managed to take advantage of my mum turning up offering to walk the girls for thirty minutes.

The first circuit is the killer. Once I'd pushed through it each time yesterday everything did just seem to get easier. Today, despite the soreness, the circuit wasn't as rough. Not easy (yet) but easier. Wasn't needing to modify any of the moves, and felt my body take to some of the strength moves less stiffly than yesterday too.

Am sat here typing, and I ache! Have really pushed today. As well as the shred, I took the kids down to the playground and park. It's at the bottom of a mile long hill. We live at the top. I pushed Kai and our stuff in the buggy (combined weight 60lbs) and carried the girls (40lbs) down and up again.. had also distracted myself earlier from the remains in the bottom of the Nutella jar by testing my thighs and doing 200 squats. Been 6/7 weeks since the final test for the challenge, but the muscles have kept getting stronger. Can feel the soreness all over, most excitingly in my abs *that means that they must exist!*

Food today:

  • oatibix with skim milk
  • grapes
  • nutella on ryvita
  • eggs and salad
  • strawberries, choc coated rice and yogurt
  • pate and cucumber on crispbread
  • dried fruit mix and meringue
  • ready salted french fries
  • greek yoghurt with honey and pecans
Bit of a sweet day, but am on points, so will let myself off

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

you are well on your way to being shredded...

does she have to say it with such sadistic glee? Have to admit, was a huge relief to hear that sentence, allowing me to melt into a heaving, sweaty mess of a person-puddle on the floor. For the 20 minutes prior I had been following her commands, pushing myself harder than I have done since I last gave birth.

A mother of 4 should not be scared of a 20 minute workout. If I repeat that often enough I may begin to believe it.

Unable to wait, patience never my strong point, I re-juggled my planned challenges.. to be honest I am a bit burned out with the pushups challenge, while I am determined to complete it, week 4 seemed a good place to break.

I have 31 days until my anniversary. I want to drop at least another 15lbs by then, and get into the dress. The shred seems the obvious method of achieving that goal. Plus I want to join Solveig as she shreds. Misery loves company.

So, when my mum offered to take the twins for 45mins this morning, I knew it was time to bite the bullet and rip open that DVD. Lately it's been everywhere - in my twitter and facebook feeds, on my blog reader, and the reason? It kicks arse, takes just 20mins and really works!
The DVD has 3 workouts, in 'levels', each harder than the last. Workouts about 20 minutes, and contain three 6 minute long circuits. Each circuit is 3 minutes of strength, 2 minutes of cardio, and 1 minute of ab work. Jillian says to shred daily for the best results, 10 days at each level.

Between now and 22nd August I will shred 30 times. I intend to shred daily, and move up the levels as suggested.. I'll need to get strong fast!

I really pushed myself in order to complete the workout, boy! I am fairly active but this pushes you to really give everything you can. Knowing that it was just 20 minutes, I kept going. After circuit 1 I didn't know if I had it in me to complete. I hadn't needed to modify the moves too much.. my strength is fine but my endurance is poor! Too used to being able to sit under feeding twins I feel? In any case I made myself forge on. Circuit 2 was alright. The 3rd, though hard, was almost enjoyable. I believed Jillian when she told me that the burn was good, that my body was adjusting. She was so motivational, pulling me through, I almost felt bad for having sworn at her minutes earlier. The cooldown stretches were like heaven. Then came the torrential rain-sweat. A quick shower and cool water later, and I was very pleased to be started.

Having gotten onto it, I want to catch up with Sol, so this evening I shredded again. I sweated the same, I swore more, I modified less. These are good changes I feel!

Shred 2/30 completed.

Food today:
  • Oat and fruit pancakes with jam
  • greek yoghurt with raspberrys
  • choccy buttons
  • ryvita and nutella
  • strawberries
  • egg and cheese with salad
  • ryvita and pate (yay found a wheat free one) and cucumber

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


Finally got hold of a copy of Jillian Michaels' 30 day shred, though my DVD player being region 2 only - I will have to use my laptop.

My mate Solveig has just started blogging her weightloss, she's down 17lbs already! Last night she began the shred, and I'm green with envy. Will have to start this soon, had wanted to start today and be shred buddies, but after 10minutes and having hollered at the kids several times to not lie in front of my feet/jump on my back/play with the laptop I gave in. Will need Sam to take the kids to play in the garden each evening to do it, they always want to join in if I exercise at home.. cute for about 20 seconds, then very annoying. So once I have my challenges done, I will move onto the shred.

Have just over a month between our wedding anniversary and my birthday, so am planning to do the shred then, as new incentive once I am easily able to fit back into my dress!! Meanwhile I am looking forward to hearing about how Sol finds it. The promise of 20lbs in a month has my unwavering attention.

Food for today:
  • porridge
  • grapes and strawberries
  • scrambled egg and cottage cheese with pork stirfry (carrots, corn, peas, peppers, beans and onion)
  • oat and blueberry pudding with blackcurrant jam
  • gluten free, dairy free, egg free tiffin (a tray of it, was delicious!)
  • raspberries and vanilla yoghurt.
  • 3 milk choc buttons and 4 dried strawberries.

(heavy on the oats to try and stabilise my poor gut after yesterdays day of fructose and sucrose!)

Monday, July 20, 2009

just another manic Monday..

That was a fun, exhausting, hard, relaxing day of hectic activity. After weighing in this morning we went back home and got the youngest 3 to nap while sorting emails and giving Seth input on what to pack for our picnic in London.

As we were leaving the hospital calls with details of Kai's appointment with his therapist. She sounded nice enough. First visit in 2 weeks time. Phew.

Dropped Malachi at my mums (as well as needing his therapy, he would need to be in the buggy for travelling, hate doing that across London, and he wouldn't have been able to join in playing, so he got an afternoon being spoilt with Nana) and got to our train. The twins sat with Seth munching grapes and chattering about Big Ben. Finally we got to the picnic at about 2pm, after a good trip through to Westminster, and a few minutes gazing at Big Ben and Westminster Palace. First time Seth has seen them other than on Doctor Who - he was very impressed!

Had a great time at the picnic. Was really lovely to meet, in the flesh, people I've been chatting with since Seth was new. To see so many happy babies and their mums all together 'in real life' was heart-cockle warming. To have a couple of MPs come and talk with us about why we were there was brilliant too, of course. Got to play with little babies, and tweak a few slings, which is always an easy way to make me happy on a day out. The girls were in flirty mode, parking themselves on laps and attempting to feed an MP their snacks, occasionally returning to nurse/for a photo op. Seth had a blast running about with the other older kids, playing bad guys and 'arresting' people - I blame it on the many, many police about as we walked past the houses of Parliament. He had an upset tummy on the way home. Meant having to drag him through Westminster and the tube, which was pretty awful, but he was better once he cleared his system (TMI warning too late there) and we had a pleasant mooch home. Still, he reckons he had fun, wants to go back tomorrow.

Got home and tallied up the points (I really ate silly food today) to discover I had 1 left. So I made a veggie stirfry, and finished in time for Sam to get in and give me the news that he's got a promotion. Yays. A 10% pay rise, uncapped commission and move to team leader on his 12month mark in the company. Fantastic news. 4 months to go. Am very proud of him.

Today's food *ahem*

  • Snickers bar
  • almonds, cranberries and strawberries mix
  • HUGE punnet of grapes
  • chocolate covered raisins
  • yoghurt covered strawberries
  • Vegetable stirfry
Chocolate, fruit, nuts, fruit, fruit, chocolate, fruit, yoghurt, fruit, veggies... my belly is happy and a bit sore..

week 47 - sooo close, still smiling

Was not-so-secretly hoping for a mega loss this week, and to get to 75lbs off. I got 1 of the 2.

3.5lbs off at the scales. Meaning I'm back to 148lbs for the first time since July 2004. 5 years of flab melted away. Fabulous.

Another wobbly 1lb would have gotten me to my 75lbs, but I am really chuffed with what I have managed this week. To lose 3.5lbs even though I did eat an extra 28 points over the week is awesome. On top of the growth spurt, the girls are teething, and ramping up on their feeds. I have been extra hungry. Still, 4 extra points a day and a significant loss. I'll take it gladly. Also chuffed that cutting out the wheat has given me the boost I was hoping for.

Stats as of today -
BMI - 26.2
Weight - 148lbs, total of 74 gone forever. 7 til gold.

So, gunning for a repeat this week. Have a couple of goals in grasping distance.
  • 1lb until 75lbs certificate
  • 2lb for my 4th 10%
And if I can maintain this rate of loss for the next 2 weeks, I will reach goal for the first week in August as hoped. Had a Mars Snicker bar to celebrate - 7 points!!

Going to Westminster for a picnic in the shadow of the houses of parliament this afternoon. Am planning to stay OP and enjoy sitting in the sun in the city (after walking in the rain yesterday).

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Race for Life

Done! Whew - the walk itself was fab. The girls both caught a nap while I walked around Hyde Park, and we made it around inside the 1 hour we were hoping for.

Was a busy event, 13,000 women taking part. Meant to begin at 11am, runners didn't set off until 11.15, and we walkers finally crossed the start line at 11.55am! Pleased to have taken part - even though the babies were hard work on the train/bus journey.. stoopid Sunday timetables meant we were tired by the time we got back home at 4. Worked out with all the getting there and back included I had done over 10k, the easier 5k being the race!

Plan to run it next year - minus the baby weights!

Food today has been good:

  • strawberries, puffed rice and natural yoghurt
  • granola bar
  • roast chicken and vegetables (parsnips, carrots, swede, cauliflower and broccoli)
  • ryvita, cream cheese and cucumber
  • greek yoghurt and honey

Saturday, July 18, 2009


no.. not a bad day, quite a good one in fact. OP, eaten well, moved lots, all happy. Ready for race for life in just under 14 hours time.

Sure that I am going to see great results come Monday at WI.. just as I can see them now.. in my pants.

For all the changing of clothes, I am still in the same underwear as I was at the start. Size 18-20, stretched (and I think, maternity) pants. They used to be really too tight, and uncomfortable. If I moved too much they would cut me. Being in denial, it didn't cross my mind that I needed a bigger size. Outrageous thought! I assumed it was just the elastic. Well, yes, it was.. the too small elastic.

Now they are silly big, they sag like I've been swimming, and bunch up out the back of my trousers.. was totally unaware until Sam, giggling, pointed this out to me. Task for next week - underwear shopping.. ohh lala!

Been out 12 hours today.. ate a big brekkie before going to rugby, and then took snack pots and a lunch with me to the inlaws this afternoon, while avoiding a minefield of very tempting, very naughty food. Thought I was happy with the willpower yesterday.. today I was superwillpowermama!

Food today:
  • oatibix and skimmed milk
  • plain ryvita and honey
  • macadamia nuts and cranberry mix
  • vanilla fat free yoghurt with strawberries and meringue
  • fish and vegetable stir fry
  • 0% fat Greek yoghurt with maple syrup
  • ready salted french fries

Food I really wanted, but pretended to ignore, focusing on disguising that I was drooling while watching my family eat it - not all of it had wheat.. some I just made the choice not to eat those empty cals - yay yay!
  • crumpets with jam
  • honey on toast
  • pizza
  • pasta
  • sausage rolls
  • pate on toast
  • garlic bread
  • cadbury's chocolate fingers
  • crisps
  • vanilla ice cream
  • chocolate ice cream
  • chocolate sauce
  • iced gems
  • brownies
  • ham

week 4 - hitting 100+ in a session now

week 4

Day 1
set 1
set 2
set 3
set 4
set 5
max (at least 25)

Am still sulking about my injured shins, but it hasn't stopped me doing my push ups. Did 26 at the max again today.. a couple more and I would have hit that 100 for the day. 98 completed today, arms all wobbled out.

Day 2
set 1
set 2
set 3
set 4
set 5
max (at least 28)

Day 2 was OK. Though oddly my elbows are on fire. Think it's inflammation, and more to do with my crappy eating than anything, but pushups were making it flare. Bit stupid of me to expect my body to get stronger by pushing and pushing, but refusing to fuel it properly. Anyway, 113 today. Needed to stop a few times to get my arms to recover though..

Day 3
set 1
set 2
set 3
set 4
set 5
max (at least 33)

Crap. This took 5 attempts to complete. Not good. I really feel I am pushing against a brick wall. My back hurts too much to complete more than about 25 before I collapse in an achey heap. Really feel wheat is to blame. Hoping that once it is out of my system the inflammation will subside and I can really strengthen up the muscles in the areas that are weakened by arthritis. Day 3 saw 130, but certainly not in those sets! (More like 7 sets of 20)

week 4 complete - 341 for the week.

Friday, July 17, 2009

wearing size 'S'

Bought myself a nursing top from H&M a couple of weeks back. They are a bit pricey for a basic top, so I have always made do with my normal clothes, and worn a belly band underneath to hide my jiggly tummy when feeding the girls. As the weather has gotten warmer, and my belly less jiggly, I have not been bothering with the bands so much.. preferring to wear a strappy top and shirt, or just feed one at a time, to avoid exposing my midriff.

Last Saturday I had gone out wearing a completely useless top, as far as feeding was concerned. We popped into H&M to get the girls some new trousers, ans I spotted the top I had been eyeing.. there was a small and a medium left. Sam picked up the small, not batting an eye and paid for it, sure it would fit. I was not so optimistic, but agreed that it would get used at some point soon.

Today I wore it, fits perfectly and so nice to be able to feed both girls without tugging away at my hem! Wow, a small! Also wore my new pair of sugar knee highs (making the most of the rainy weather - at least I can enjoy boots) and after having to yank them up to re-tie realised what a NSV that was - not only can I get the things up over my legs - they are big enough to fall down unless adjusted! No excess calf flab holding them up! Yay.

Food today:
  • oatibix and skimmed milk
  • plain ryvita and honey
  • tuna napolitana (no pasta for me) with mushrooms, onion, peas, corn, pepper, carrots and broccoli
  • 0% fat Greek yoghurt with honey and pecans
  • small portion of chip shop chips and ketchup
  • handful of strawberries

Food I really wanted, but lovingly dished up to my family without eating any, cos it had wheat:

  • crumpets with jam
  • honey on toast
  • cocktail sausages
  • pasta
  • ice cream
  • ardennes pate *sob*
  • chicken nuggets
  • proper chip shop burger
  • battered cod *tummy rumble*
  • strawberries and cream on scones with jam *wails*
I am proud of me today. I am a little hungry, but will grab some fruit in a bit. Busy weekend ahead now. I really want to stay on track and see a fantastic result on Monday.

WHat *do* you EAT?

Over the last week, as I've turned down biscuits at playgroup, explained why I wouldn't be eating the scones and cream teas, emailing friends about not worrying about needing specialty stuff for me for an upcoming BBQ and blogging about the greatness of week 1 wheat free - the subject of what I can eat has been one that has come up frequently.

The idea of not eating anything containing wheat sends some into a mild panic (I was one of them).. "no bread? no flour? no PASTA?" "What on earth *can* you eat?" "Must get very boring/be very difficult" "It's in WHAT? HTF are you meant to avoid it when it's in so many foods??"

I have been amazed at the amount of foods (mostly, and not by coincidence I'm sure, in the foods I 'prefer') that contain wheat. Picking up my favourite chocolate bar - a galaxy caramel - I see wheat listed in the ingredients. Sam is once again free to have his favorite ice cream in the freezer, as it contains wheat, and so is safe from my gut, under strict orders from my resolute brain.

Sausages, burgers, kievs etc - all not allowed. Meaning I am forced to eat more poultry, lean meats, beans and *shock* fish for protein. I have eaten more variety this week than in the 3 months previous.. so cutting wheat has certainly not been boring. Neither has it been difficult. We are lucky to have *so* much variety available to us now, there's no reason to need to eat wheat. The supermarkets have loads of gluten free products in their free from ranges now. While expensive, they can be useful on days (like Monday this week) when you just *have* to have a bun, or pitta, or cake slice..

So far in the Sainsburys free from range I have tried the caramel slices, chocolate tiffins, hot cross buns, and pitta breads..

Caramel slices felt heavy, too dry, and just didn't quite crumble the way I wanted. Oh, and they were 3.5 points per teeny sliver... sooo not worth it. Though, really they probably tasted close to the real thing - my tastes have changed.

The tiffins were fab. Again a bit more crumbly than crisp, but not too dry, and rich enough to seem very naughty and treatlike.

The hot cross buns again were heavy and drier than usual ones. I sliced them into 4 layers, rather than 2, before spreading them, so they weren't *as* dry. Better to treat them as toasted fruity scones than buns.. with that my head was fooled and I was happy.

The pitta breads are great. Dryer than normal, again.. but fling a bit of water at them and once toasted and filled they did the trick.

So you can continue to eat those things if you really want to.. but there's plenty of other foods to eat anyway. I'll start to outline my daily foods when I blog, so anyone interested can get an idea of the possibilities. At the same time, I'm very open to receiving any ideas/recipes to try!

Yesterdays food:

  • Strawberries and kiwi with 0% Greek yoghurt.
  • 2 oatibix and skimmed milk.
  • almonds, cranberries and raisins.
  • tuna in sauce and stir fry vegetables.
  • chocolate coated rice with raspberry yoghurt.
  • honey cashews and apple slices.
  • pumpkin seed ryvita with chicken and salad.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

How much difference a (wheat free) week makes...

Last week I was so bloated I could barely do up my trousers, was glad of my too big ones still hanging about. Too much wheat had gained me back any weight I'd lost in the previous 3 months, I was 162lbs again. Thursday at 5pm I scarfed down a batch of blueberry muffins as I said a fond (if foolish) farewell to the wheat.

Forward to today and at 5pm, after eating my dinner I am on my scales 151 - a loss of 11lbs in 1 week!

After buying some of Sainsburys size 12 jeans last week, to tide me over from my 14 wardrobe until I can fit the many size 10 trousers I have waiting, they are already a bit loose. I decided to grab a pair of 10s, as a motivator to shrink into (plus their sizes are generous, so I'd fit these before my other bits). Tried them on to see how far I had to go - and I can do them up. I need to lose an inch or too from my tum still - have a mini muffin effect at the moment, and they feel tight, but honestly, they are as tight as the 12s are loose.. I'm close!! Wow. A 10 UK/US 8 !!

midweek check in time

and I've lost 2lb since Monday. Which means, finally, that my weight has left the 150s! 149.5lbs this morning. Just need another 2.5lb for Monday morning to hit my target of 75lbs off.

Sam is off for the rest of the week, and we've a busy weekend, so I should burn lots and not have reason to munch out of boredom, yay!

Stats as of today -
BMI - 26.5
Weight - 149.5 lbs, total of 72.5 gone forever. 8.5 til gold.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

wheat free pancakes - YUM

Today when Sam got home at 6.30 as usual, I was stuck under the late-to-nap twins. We'd been out all afternoon and they'd fought sleep until after I had made the kids tea, but went into meltdown before I had the chance to sort myself. Had prepared Sam's meal earlier, so he was happily eating while I sat fidgeting, trying to speed up the nursing session.

7pm and I'm in the kitchen, having plenty of points left and fancying something sweet, but filling, I remembered the wheat free pancake recipe Andrea left me last week. After googling for help with translating the measures into English, I was off.

Diet Pancake Recipe - from the South Beach diet.
* ½ cup (75g rolled oats) Old Fashioned oatmeal (not instant)

* ¼ cup (50g) low fat cottage cheese

* 4 egg whites

* 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

* ¼ teaspoon cinnamon (I use more)

* ¼ teaspoon nutmeg

* 1-2 packets splenda

* a handful blueberries or whatever fruit you want.

Process all ingredients except fruit in a blender until smooth. Add fruit and spray a non stick pan or skillet with cooking spray. Add batter and cook over medium heat until both sides are lightly browned.

'Cos I had the points free, I used 25g of dried, sweetened blueberries *and* drizzled 20g honey over the top =)

Result was a very yummy treat, 6.5 points and scrummy. Tasted like a mix between pancakes, and oatmeal and raisin cookies.

100 hours

until the Hyde Park race for life on Sunday. Looking forward to it, especially now that walking doesn't jar my shins anymore!

MySpace Countdowns

Entered back when they were just 9 months old, and was wearing them every day.. now they are 14 months, and (thankfully) I still carry them together whenever we got out (unless it's with my mum, usually then 1 twin gets a buggy ride!) Seemed ages in the future when our pack came through - but here I am, 21lbs lighter, and ready to race (or at least walk quite fast!)

Nearly halfway to raising my goal of £200 for Cancer Research too.

Monday, July 13, 2009

withdrawal hits..

ooh there were signs it was coming but I wanted to pretend it wouldn't happen. Have felt mildly irritated and waiting on a headache since Saturday evening, and today after lunch I dozed off while the girls nursed/napped. Has been ages since feeding the girls made me fall asleep, and I woke feeling refreshed (which was weird and nice all at once). It was a lie. Halfway to Sainsbury's I suddenly felt shattered, fluey and achey. My head was pounding, I was sweating and felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack, except it was all physical, emotionally I felt OK.

Quite obviously die off! I found the water aisle and chugged down 2 bottles while shopping, managed to get everything (and found a great pair of jeans - had been moaning about not having any fitting jeans now) and paid and got back to meet Sam on time.

Monday is chippy night - I had bought a chicken instead of the battered fish, so once we collected our chips we sat on the field near our home and had our evening nosh. I felt so rough, managed a 1/2 portion of chips but couldn't face the chicken. Kept chugging water while my head was beating angry rhythms and I felt queasy but like I was starving. The wheat toxins were not happy to be evicted!

Am now 4 days and 5 hours out - 101 hours since wheat went into my body. I did not give in. Feel better now, 2 litres of h2o and a galaxy bar later (though not my fave galaxy caramel - it has wheat, boo!)

week 46 - 128 points over for the week.

I have 28 a day, or 196 a week. Last week I ate 324. That's 46 a day, even more than I was eating when I began pointing, weighing 16 stone and exclusively breastfeeding 3 month old twins.

Last week I was confused to gain 1lb after being on track. This week I am confused again, after eating an extra 18 points a day, and losing 0.5lb.

Stats as of today -
BMI - 26.8
Weight - 151.5 lbs, total of 70.5 gone forever. 10.5 til gold.

Really, it's explainable. I'm not going to think that I can get away with eating so much and losing! Since I had a weird gain the week before, which was bound to be water weight, it's expected to see a decent loss the week after. Added to that, I have stopped eating wheat. Once before I cut bread out of my diet for a week when using Weight Watchers, back in 2004. I lost 5lbs in that week, after months of 0.5/1lb losses. So cutting the wheat out was bound to mean a big loss, regardless of my silliness earlier in the week.

*and* I wasn't eating 46 points a day, all the overeating was done in the front half of the week, weight was up to 162 by Thursday, and back to 151.5 today - so this week really saw a gain of 10lbs, followed by a loss of 10.5lbs. - Kinda don't mind my class not knowing that though!

So, onwards and downwards - breaking up with wheat is working well for me, and I am excited to get my 75lbs (come on, please!!) this week. 4.5lbs to go - my (slightly less) bloated bod will thank me.

measuring up...

hoping this'll give me some good news this morning - am not expecting to be thrilled at weigh in..

Another new tracker was started this week. Time to take more measurements. There was a lot more difference in these numbers than I was expecting, yay!

START week 4
week 12
BUST 50" 49" 46"
WAIST 48" 41" 40"
HIPS 49" 46" 45"
15" 14" 13.5"
THIGH 29" 27" 26"

week 24
week 33
week 45
BUST 44" 42" 39"
WAIST 36" 32" 30.5"
HIPS 42" 39" 38.5"
12" 12" 11.5"
THIGH 24" 22" 21"

My thigh shows a loss of 8 inches, and my upper arm 3.5 - that means nearly 2 foot of flab has been melted from my limbs!!
Then there's 11 inches from my bust, taking me from a 44E (with the back really tight..) to a 36D.
Another 10.5 inches from my hips, making fitting in seats a lot less of a challenge. The area over my incision has gone from 51" to 37" meaning it now doesn't jut out over my hips, making my trousered form look a lot more aesthetically pleasing.

The biggest change though, is in my waist. From a wobbly 48" to a more regular, if a little tubby 30.5" Sooo close to being back in the 20's, and well under the barrier of 32" cited as being the maximum 'safe' measurement for women. I am now counted as not being at any extra risk of diabetes because of my waist size. *grin*

My waist-hip ratio has gone from 0.98 to 0.79 taking me from high risk to low risk.

I am (as of last weigh in) just 11lbs from a "healthy" BMI, at which point I will be in the 'normal/healthy/safe/low risk' category for each of the usual checks for weight/size related health stuffs. Yays!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Another good day - but will it be enough?

Have had 21 points today, eating when hungry and not being too careful, still I am 7 under my allowance! Had Greek yoghurt with walnuts and honey for breakfast (5.5) a 3 bean and tuna salad for lunch (4.5) some coco pops with raspberry yoghurt for dessert (4.5) Teatime I had a big bowl of oats with raspberries and apple (6) and butternut squash chips with a dollop of salad cream (0.5)

Still finding skipping the wheat to be fine. Crumpets, toast and wheat flakes avoided at breakfast. Pain au chocolat, maltesers and crisps ignored at lunch. Watched Sam as he ate 2 bowls of Lyle's golden syrup ice cream without flinching, and did not help the kids eat through their toffee cereal bars which they devoured after eating the sandwiches I had made (but not eaten!)... All good. =)

Still though, even with the last few days strategy, I am over by anywhere between 70-90 for the week. Depending on how much the babies have been feeding (think they are growth spurting again) I could break even, doubt it though - if I manage a sts I will be very pleased.

Find out tomorrow morning - then I am really excited about this next week and the way my system is responding to being free from wheat!

Saturday, July 11, 2009

dear donuts, we're through.

not satisfied with torturing my body by suddenly withholding wheat (53 hours now) I went and paid a stranger to poke holes in my face. Been ages since I have worn any jewellery, aside from my wedding rings (and it's really rare that I wear those) but I've been mulling over getting a couple repierced, and today we were in town and I thought, yer, why not?

This means more than just getting a hole in my body - I feel like *me* again. No, I'm not the 19 year old girl who didn't need to worry about her weight, wore clothes as an expression of her personality rather than a way to hide herself.. but, finally, I'm feeling like the 25 woman she should have grown into.. just that til now woman had been held captive by the fear, fat and fatigue that were caused by mental (and physical) illness.

I'm still here, stronger than ever and ready to really live and be happy.

Today has been a great food day. Still no wheat and I've eaten 17 points and am not hungry. The lack of cravings or hunger pangs is AMAZING. I hope it continues to be this easy. The only downside so far is flatulence! I remember this from when I became vegetarian, there was a period where I was on constant alert. Hoping this passes (ahem) soon.

Oatibix are yummy, 2.5 points per portion instead of 2 for Weetabix, but much more filling. Then had a yummy wheat free hot cross bun with jam, and some rice cereal and raspberry yoghurt for a snack. At 2pm we decided to get lunch, as usual that was at Quiznos - I always have a sandwich and cookie, but had to go out of my box- roadhouse ranch salad, with just a tbsp of the sauce rather than the pot .. SO DELICIOUS. I was then full til 7pm. Despite going to Starbucks, where I ignored the cakes - totally unaware of them, and to the supermarket on the way home. It was too late to cook when we got in so I had an apple, a pack of maize crisps and a pot of amore - greek yoghurt with honey and walnuts. Am sat here now not hungry. Wheat has had it's last binge out of me.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

day one down..

and I have managed to resist temptation and be wheat free since 5pm yesterday. Did a mad clear through of the kitchen, getting rid of anything that would be a stumbling block for me, then baked myself a batch of blueberry and walnut muffins to say farewell to wheat, yum.

Once the last crumb was gone, I brushed myself down and checked the time - 17:00 9th July. Buh bye wheat. Jumped on the scales to see scary weight of 162. Erk.

In the last 30 hours I have said no to a lot of foods that I would have, without a backwards glance, have eaten. Even though I knew I hadn't the points. Having the rule of no wheat somehow is working for me.

No fish and chips, as the cod is battered. (saved 18 points)
No taxi bars, would have scoffed a few. (around 5 points)

Instead of crumpets (4 points) toast and jam (5 points) and pancakes (5 points) for breakfast, I made them for everyone else and then had a bowl of porridge.

I avoided picking at the kids cocktail sausages, gold bars and crisps during the day, instead snacking on fruit and making myself a proper lunch of chilli con carne. Ignored the boys leftover burgers and pasta too - more wheat.

At the shops I was devastated to discover that my Green and Blacks Butterscotch choccy had wheat in the ingredients. Boohoo. Sam got his Lyles golden syrup ice cream, cos it's safe.. more wheat. In fact most everything that made my eyes go big and round contained wheat.

Have Oatibix to try in place of my beloved Weetabix (which I have loved - and overeaten - since I was a baby) will see what I make of it come day 2.

right, it's not working

the eat whatever you like, in moderation, aspect of weightwatchers is what makes it so easy to follow for many. Including me, at the start. I could eat my favourite foods, I had 43 points a day, so it was easy to use 15-20 on a nutritionally worthless pile of junk of an evening, still having eaten a days good food and being on track.

Now I am down to 28 points, I cannot do it. Neither, it seems, can I eat the trigger foods in moderation. Just one cupcake isn't something I can do. Once these foods have entered my system, the switch is flipped, and I roam the kitchen shoving almost anything I find into my mouth.

After some very crappy news on Tuesday, I managed to go from totally on track - having eaten wonderfully, drank my water and exercised - to completely off the wagon. By the end of yesterday I was 20 points over for the week! That's right - even if I eat nothing now until Monday morning, I'm still over on points. *Tres sigh* I am up by 10lbs. !10lbs!

What set me off (other than the very upsetting news?) ice cream (to go with muffins), bread, custard (to go alongside sponge), rice pudding (cos it was next to the custard in the shop), cereal bars, more bread, cakes, muffins.. etc etc

Wheat, wheat and wheat. The sugar isn't really as much of an issue. The dough is what gets me into the red with my points.. all the other stuff is just a support act.

So, I draw a line. My joints are suffering. I wasn't able to complete week 4 of my pushups because of the chronic pain in my wrists and elbows. I am cutting out wheat, going to get back on track today, and forget the silliness of the last 48hours.

Lesson learnt - when I get bad, bad news. Cry, scream, wail into a pillow, shout at the sky.. don't force down the grief with wheat, it just hurts more.

And for me, not everything in moderation. I am not a moderate woman, not in my views, beliefs, emotions or personality - I am not calm or temperate, I find it incredibly hard to show restraint, so why would my eating be any different?

Monday, July 06, 2009

week 45 - bit confused

I was expecting a small loss today. Not the 4lb loss I wanted, after going over on points (but thoroughly enjoying doing so) before the weekend. I had pulled back, exercised lots (as much as I can while not making my shins worse) and eaten very carefully, so that I was 1-2 points over for the week.

On my scales this morning I was showing either sts or a lb loss. So I was more than a little surprised to hear that I had gained a lb at meeting today.

Not going to let it get to me though. Could just be the scales having a funk, they also put my mum up half a pound where she was expecting to sts, if not lose..

Stats as of today -
BMI - 26.9
Weight - 152 lbs, total of 70 gone forever. 11 til gold.

Is a bit much to be expecting to hit goal in 2 weeks now. But I can still aim to get as close as possible. I've a feeling that I could see a decent loss this week, after a weird gain I often seem to manage a good week - hoping this is the case now!

Really would like to get on down, another week in the 150s was *not* what I wanted!

Got a new journal to start today. The one I have just finished shows me pottering around the last 5 lbs for 3 months. Clean fresh break from that phase now. I'm on track today, and am planning to really work on cutting out wheat again, and upping the amount of oats and wholegrains in my daily eating too.

Friday, July 03, 2009

chop chop...

Sam has dangled a carrot in front of my messy haired head.. once I hit gold at weightwatchers, he's gifting me a visit to a salon to have my hair done.

He is *very* into my hair being long. Hates when I chop it short (which I used to do frequently) Since I put the weight on, he's been in luck too. I've kept my hair long and not had it cut at all. Trims and fringes, yes, but done by me, at home. The last time I went to a salon was when my eldest was brand new.. so 4 years ago. And it was a 2 inches trim. Before that it was 2003, after our wedding. Almost 6 years since I've had any confidence in my appearance, or thought myself worth taking to a salon. That is sad. =(

Anyway, fed up with the heat in my long locks, I hacked over a foot of length off a week or two ago. Wearing what is left of it in pigtails to keep it out of my face. Hubby noticed that I look happier and fresher with all the old, uncared for hair gone too. So, the offer was made. A chance to summer with short, kid friendly hair, and to grow out my locks and keep them healthy and in great condition too. I'm excited to have my hair how I want it, with a non-chubby face to frame. Yay!

Just got to find a decent salon now (as well as shed those 10lbs)!

Thursday, July 02, 2009

52 days

until the 6th anniversary of the date Sam and I got hitched.

I bought my dress in the winter of '02, needing a size 16. I spent the next few months losing 30lbs, and on my wedding day I was a size, 8-10 my dress having been altered to fit. August 23rd 2003 I weighed at about 125lbs. Every Anniversary since I have been overweight..

2004 - I was weighing 157lbs, recovering from the ordeal of miscarried twins the month before.
2005 - 10 weeks post partum, weighing around 190lbs and having started weightwatchers just 2 weeks before.
2006 - 5 months pregnant, 205lbs having gained, on top of the extra weight I had not lost from pregnancy with my eldest.
2007 - Had been on weightwatchers for 3 weeks, with a 26 month old and 7 month old, I had weighed my heaviest the month before.. recorded a weight of over 230lbs and a bmi of 40.
2008 - 2 months post partum, back at 222lbs having not added any extra weight this time. 2 weeks later I began - for the last time - at weightwatchers.

2009, I will be at a healthy weight, I will fit into my dress. Will try it on at intervals in the coming weeks..

first time I have gotten it out of storage since 2003.. and a few lbs to go until it'll fit me again!

and how it is supposed to look...

ahhh.. almost derailed, *almost*

a few spoonfuls of Nutella just attacked the inside of my mouth. Have grabbed a hold of myself, re-jigged todays food plans and all is OK. Not having this turn into a binge, I don't do that anymore.

Mid week, blah

Forgot to weigh in first thing, but after having a heavy breakfast and a lot of coffee, the scales are showing me 151.5, so all good methinks. I wanted to see 149 today. Seems my body has a natural rhythm which means I am at my weeks heaviest around today, regardless of what I've eaten, the normal fluctuations mean a small gain from day 2 to day 3. The weight drops off over days 4-7 as long as I am on plan, and as I have been on track days 1-3 I *should* get my desired 4lb loss for Monday.

Am very cross about these shin splints. Wanted to replace the c25k runs with something, and after reading lots on blogs/twitter/fb about Jillian Michaels 30 day shred, thought that'd be good to do for the month. Problem being that I cannot do the cardio.. even the jumping jacks (star jumps) and skipping rope puts too much stress onto the muscles that are damaged, after just 30 seconds the pain was flaring and I had to stop. =(

Am going to instead do squats again, and start doing some abdominal work on the 3 days I am meant to be running. Need to rest the muscles and let them heal.