Monday, August 31, 2009

sticking to it wk 1 - 93%

week 53 - 9lbs off,

Jumped on my scales this morning, hoping for a decent loss - and I got one. 11st 1lb, down 9lbs from last week. Whoop.

Stats as of today -
BMI - 27.4
Weight - 155 lbs, total of 67 gone forever. 14 til gold.

Have had a good week, not perfect by a long shot. Really went way over points on Thursday (30 extra, for the sake of full disclosure. I ate 2 big bowls of granola crunch and yoghurt as well as honey coated nuts) and went over again by 9 on Saturday (generic brand of chocolate nut spread, though the fact I *only* ate 3 ryvita slices topped with it is a minor victory!) So, 39 points over for the week - equals about 5.5 extra a day - the amount that I should be maintaining my weight on. Still, I got a loss of 9lbs, proving for me that the other stuff matters as much as the eating. I have looked after myself and the house this week. I have been a walking L'oReal girl - every time I'd falter, or doubt my actions repeating 'because you're worth it' to myself. By yesterday morning I believed it. I haven't had a smidge of wheat and the aches and pains are gone. After the first 4 days of headache and dry acrid mouth I've felt better than I have since late July. My bloated tummy has calmed down and the unexplained cough has gone. Each day I have done 30 mins worth of activity, be it a brisk walk, aerobics, or a session on the wii fit.

Sustainable, I haven't felt a real fire in my gut, or had to work hard for it this week. Good, because I need to do this for life. I really am beginning to understand this now. Maybe not the pointing and the sticker charts, fun as they are - but the wheat free living, positive thinking and actively looking after me a bit better are totally necessary for me to stay healthy.

Got my new sticker chart for the week up and ready - I am going to go for as good as, if not better than 26/28 this week! Hoping for another 3lbs off in the next couple of days, getting me back to 70lbs off for the 1yr anniversary of my starting this weightloss (3rd Sept 08).

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Not so Sunday

it's a grey and gloomy one, Sam is out for the day with his mates and I am just getting housework type bits done, preparing for our stay in Leicester later this week. Tomorrow we are going to the bank holiday donkey derby, and then Tuesday I'll be packing and doing last minute cleaning.

Not got WI tomorrow, and will be away for the next weeks, but fully intend to go back to my meeting on the 14th September, with my leader and card non the wiser of the last months difficulties! Last meeting I attended was July 20th, I weighed 148lbs. Am hoping to be back there (if not the 1lb lighter to take me to my 75lb certificate!) on her scales in 2 weeks.

Have had an OK week, not perfect but a 180 from where I had been for the majority of August. I feel like I've restarted, which is good. Have gone over points 2 days this week, but tracked each one, as well as stayed wheat free and active. My head is feeling a lot clearer and my home is so much better too. Every thing falls into place when my head is in the right place, the eating is just a symptom.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

oooh yes, I am back on track

Mad nasty withdrawal symptoms, but I am sticking to it. Think I am going to WI tomorrow to boost my ego a bit. Feel my clothes getting looser again, and am feeling less cranky and achey.

Took the halflings to the Horniman museum again yesterday, and was OP and wheat free despite being tempted by a very very yummy quiche (which I had to pass to Malachi at the last minute). On the way home I felt very ill, and had a nasty headache brewing - was sure that wheat and sugar would fix it, but I am not messing around this time. I will NOT turn 26 still overweight. Ignored the cakes and ice cream at the counter as I grabbed the kids something, instead opting for a fruit salad and (thankyou God) some tasty gluten free cookies.

Again today I wanted to overeat soo very badly. Have stayed strong though, and beginning to feel less cravings, definately feel more on an even keel emotionally, and already feel my tastes returning to prefering real foods.

Just need to keep this up now - I want a full shiny sticker sheet, and the healthier mind and body that represents.

Monday, August 24, 2009

week 52 - a gain, again.

Knew it was going to be, bounced back up 7lbs since last week. Sure it will melt away by Thursday as long as I get back to the plan.
stats as of today - BMI - 29.1 Weight - 164 lbs, total of 58 gone forever.

Been busily cleaning and decluttering the flat, stayed wheat free and on points and had a good walk today. There's 10 days til we go up to Leicester for a 5 day stay, 5 months after we last were there. It will also be a year since I went to my first WW meeting and I want to be back to my 70lb loss for then.

Got my sticker chart all ready for the week - an extra space for having done serious cleaning around the home. Am noticing days where I work hard at the house, the diet stuff follows. If I am looking after the home, I am looking after myself. Today I scrubbed walls, floors and skirting, got 5 liners of clutter out and cleared through the closets.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

a weekend of excess...

celebrating our 6th Anniversary. Lots of wheat, sugar and fat. And I have had a great weekend with my family.. worth every calorie.

After a cooked breakfast, we spent the Saturday over at MILs, she was back from a month touring and the kids were really pleased to see her. We had lunch at the pub which was our usual haunt during our college days 8 years ago. Then sun and sand and lush ice creams at the Priory park. A lazy, foody Sunday today. Sam had bought me chocolate logs after seeing the traditional and modern gifts for this year were chocolate and wood. Had Italian delivered for dinner, have notstepped foot on the kitchen, except to put away leftover dessert.

Expecting a gain tomorrow, but then it's back to the grindstone to get down to goal asap. I will not be turning 26 with a BMI over 25!

As for getting back into my dress.. forget that, I still weigh at least 30lbs more than I did on my wedding day 6 years ago. Still, this is the slimmest I have been since our first anniversary! Last year I remember reaching for Sam's jeans to wear, as I had gotten too big to fit my own. Disgusted and mortified when I could barely pull them on. The last year has seen a lot of very great changes.. and though the last 5 months have been a wobbly few, I've maintained my loss so far, and I know that I will reach my goal, even if my route takes me to see a few sights first.

I will get back into that dress, whether it's next month or next year, I am doing it.. you'll see. Meantime the fat pants of Sam's? We've chucked them, too big to be any use to either of us now.

Monday, August 17, 2009

week 51 - going down

Jumped on the scales and was happy to see effects of the last two weeks had not had a chance to make any permanent changes. Back down to 157/11st 3lbs, a drop of 9lbs in the last 4 days. Going to hope for a great, active couple of weeks to get me back as close to the 140s as possible for the 1 year mark.

Stats as of today -
BMI - 27.8
Weight - 157 lbs, total of 65 gone forever. 16 til gold.

Feeling like I'm back in it now, feels natural again to follow the plan. Had my resolve well tested with an outing to see the inlaws yesterday. Trip to the park with cafe and ice creams and then home cooked stodgy food, I held to my no wheat rule to pull me through, and by the time we were home I still had all my stickers, heh!

Saturday, August 15, 2009

point, and click, and stick...

I love tools. Fun stuff to keep me motivated and on track. Visual reminders, things to do to keep me interested, methods of making the weightloss game seem new and fresh.

Sam has really jumped on board with coaching me through this silly patch. Took me to Lorimers yesterday and told me to choose 3 packs of stickers - I am a geek, went for some
Star Wars, Marvel heros and Tinkerbell!! I am allowed one shiny glittery fun sticker each day if I achieve each of the following - for a Tinkerbell I have to be light and floaty and wheat free. Toget Starwars dude I have to feel at one with the force and stick to my points, and to get my Marvel hero I have to do 30mins excercise. Am chuffed to say I got all 3 yesterday =)

Also, vouchers from the insurance company have finally arrived, nearly 3 months after my camera died. So today we can go pick out a new one, yippee! Find being able to photo my food/see changes in pictures of me such a boost for keeping my head on straight. Visual kicks are mega important to me.

Still on track, feeling good. Down to 160 this morning, hoping to be well on my way through the 150s for Monday mornings WI!

Friday, August 14, 2009

In the interests of moving forward.

166. Thursday morning. Back to just 56lbs lost. Up 18lbs from July. Not good. BMI of 29.4. Way too close to moving back into obesity.

Obviously lots of it is water weight and will drop off once I'm back on track. As of this evening, after a solid 24hours wheat free and tracking for the first time in over a week, I had already dropped 3-4lbs.

I sit here tonight and am happy with my choices today. I feel hungry and it feels good! Was going down a road I travelled before, I don't want to go back there again.

10 days

that's how long since I last sat and got honest here.

I felt back on top of things, had everything all planned out. Back OP, no wheat, a lot of shredding and Wii-fit to get me sweating and burning fat.

Crashed again by Thursday afternoon. After taking the boys to the hospital for another assessment for Kai, and getting hungry and tetchy on the way home, I ate way too much sugar. We all got home from collecting the twins from my mum, and Sam walked in with a bag of chocolate croissants. I ate them. 'What the hell - I'm tired, had a long day, over points already.'

From then until now I have not tracked, I have shovelled whatever I fancy into my mouth. Each morning since Monday I have intended to get back on track, to cut my points drastically to eek back the damage. To cut wheat back out. I have gone off the rails within 30minutes of leaving my bed every day.

I feel totally burned out, tired and fed up of having to stop myself. Pity party for one. I am feeling quite overwhelmed with daily mumming of the kids, housework, and all that entails. The added stresses of having to change our routines to fit in new therapies for Kai, and having people come into the home is not helping, and I'm sick. Blame the wheat entirely, but reintroducing it has had some horrid effects on my health. I'm tired and achey, feel out of breath a lot, and for the last 2-3 days have had trouble breathing and a constant dry cough.

Last night I had enough, explained to Sam that I need hand holding and pulling back on track. I have set myself high goals and I can't reach them now. Instead of sulking and giving up I need to realise how much I have achieved. To have lost 60-70% of what I need to overall is not failing!! In any exam I have ever taken a result of 70% is most definately a pass!

So, starting again right now. Cutting the wheat back out and sticking to points. Giving myself a break from the exercise - aiming for 30minutes a day whether that be shred, Wii or a walk. I'm going to enjoy following the plan again and not aim for anything specific, but do hope to be at goal for when we go to Leicester in 4 weeks. Once I have made it to my gold goal I will set myself challenges etc.. for now I am making too much extra crap for myself to be coping with, and when push comes to shove, I will neglect looking after myself before I stop cleaning the house / caring for the kids / getting to appointments..

Ramble, ramble, just wanted to wave and say I am still here. Thanks to those who have checked in to see where I'm at. Sara, you were right, I was spreading nutella onto some toast as I read your email.. it *almost* made me stop.

I will WI again on Monday. I do know how much I weighed yesterday, do not feel like sharing that just yet though. Blugh. I am not giving up. Getting back up and dusting myself off. again.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Yes, indeed, I am a chocolate Ninja...

After reading the words in my comments - aside from suddenly feeling hungry for chocolate and then guilty that the first word of the pair hadn't resonated quite as strongly, leaving me overwhelmed with the desire to be performing hours of jumping squats or something (whew, that went on a bit) - I thought I'd better check what, exactly, I was about to chuckle at him for calling me.

Cos, yunno, it's Carlos we're talking about.

Enter google and the Urban Dictionary. And.. oh! Well, I am going to pretend not to notice the first definition. Admittedly I had half expected to get something of this genre pop up. ;) Obviously not my kinda ninja though..
but then there's a 2nd definition, oh yes. Class.

cartoon from

1. A somewhat-crazed female who takes to hanging around ceilings and yelling, "PANTS!" and other such nonsense at random intervals. Loves sugary things. 2. Someone who steals other peoples' chocolate bars.
1. Start making sense, you damn chocolate ninja! 2. Damn it, a chocolate ninja just stole my candy bar!

Oooh yes, that sounds about right. So - what does a Chocolate Ninja do when the rest of her family are in the garden eating fish 'n' chips? Well, today she made the choice to get inside and push that bit harder. Having only managed 15/30mins on the Wii fit, I decided I could do another Shred, up to level 2.

Wow that was tougher than level 1. Which, while it was still working me out, wasn't really pushing me like it did just a week ago. Aside from labour, I cannot think of when I have done anything to make me sweat anymore than the session I just completed. Was grateful to be able to modify a few of those, the sweat is still running 20mins after I've left the shower!!

Already, I can feel my body is more flexible and responsive and ninja-esque.. this is working well for me. Shred 8/30 done.

Pictures from crappy camera are just a poor representation of the molten mess I am. Did not know until today that getting perspiration in the eye stings! Even giving birth to my 10.5lb son at home I wasn't anywhere near that sweaty!! (Then again, I didn't have to do the whole she-bang inside 20mins)

Food today was good, 28/28
  • oat pancakes and jam
  • granola bars and nutella
  • 0 point soup (carrots, orange pepper, onion, mushrooms, and seasoning)
  • hard boiled egg salad (lettuce, tomato, cucumber, onion, cress and mushroom)
  • more soup (with extra peas in)
  • tuna in tomato sauce with stir fry veggies (onion, zucchini, mushroom and petit pois)

grr postie

has not delivered my graze box today. After getting all excited to snack yummies that I knew were winging my way, and them not arriving, come 11am I went to the cupboard to find solace.

There was a box of Seths granola bars, and a HUGE jar of Nutella. I ate one bar, yummy. Spread some nutella on another.. boohoo, my days planned food is ruined, that box looked so good and now it's not here! My hand moved to spread chocolate nutty good(bad)ness onto a 3rd bar, and I stopped.

I am not going down this path again, surely? Seriously, I am going to let a small box of seeds throw me off? I don't think so, no.

Instead of moping, I fished around the fridge for some 0 point veg, and knocked out a soup. 1 orange pepper, half an onion and 3 carrots chopped and boiled in a pint of gluten free bouillon, a quick whizz with the hand blender, and I chucked in some peas, mushrooms and seasoning. 2 big servings of chunky 0 point soup. After guzzling a bowl, my tummy forgot all about the nutella, and the graze box, and my mind fog cleared so I could prep lunch.

Now it's coming up to 4pm, the second of my usual witching hours foodwise.. I feel ok.. have my 2nd bowl of soup and a tuna stir fry ready to be warmed through for tea, then a fruit salad later. Am still on track. Take that disordered eating!

I faced multiple triggers
  • mental - unexpected changes to my plans, unruly kids, stuck indoors.
  • physical - hunger pangs, and trigger foods - cereal bars and nutella spread.
What I did differently today, was simply to make a choice. At the point of moving onto bar #3, where the physical hunger in my tummy wasn't in the drivers seat, and I could feel the binge gremlin getting warmed up, a glaze coming down and heard myself thinking "what the hell.." - that is the point at which I know I have a split second to decide who I will be. The woman who is doing a great job of losing her excess weight and reclaiming her health, body and mind? Or the mad, bad girl who wants to shovel endless calories, fats, and flavours down her throat to get her 'fix' regardless of who it hurts.

What I wanted was to comfort eat, I was truly hungry, and feeling a little sad and low.. so I found my body some foods that *would actually* provide comfort, satiate my hunger and leave me in a better state, physically and mentally. It is that simple. One good decision after another... this is what this week is about for me. Finding the alternatives, and coming out the other side feeling content and fulfilled, not bloated and guilty, or prideful but deprived.

If I can't be moderate, I can go for balanced! I don't need to be perfect, I need to make good choices most of the time, leaving room for my moments of madness.

Monday, August 03, 2009


or Wii..

Sam had chattered about buying me a Wii fit when I reached my 5th stone off.

Course that meant we needed a Wii too. So the payday after I reached that 152lb mark, Sam was to go buy the kit. That he did, just over a week ago. *grin*

Have enjoyed getting to frips with it. My 'Mii' is a bit podgy, but she kicks arse on the aerobics. Been clocking up 30 minutes a day on it and it's really easy to do around the kids (especially as Seth has set up his own profile and does jogging and balance games).

As well as my shred today, I have been boxing, done a step aerobics class and done a good few minutes of yoga. Seeing as getting to the gym is not something I will be able to do for a while yet - this really is a godsend. Love it =)

Totally on points today, have done an hours worth of working out, including the shred. We went blackberry picking, and then Seth had a turn at making jam, which we'll try on our oat pancakes tomorrow. I also made wheat free brownies this evening. Yums. Was a weightwatchers recipe in this months letter with my monthly pass, I just substituted blended oats in place of the flour.

POINTS® Value: 2
Servings: 16
Preparation Time: 15 min
Cooking Time: 30 min
Level of Difficulty: Easy
Using pureed prunes means you can cut the fat in these yummy chocolate brownies.


150 g dried prunes, ready to eat, pitted (I used 250g ready soaked prunes - made for less work and super moist brownies)

5 spray low-fat cooking spray

100 g chocolate, plain, broken into pieces

1 large egg(s), beaten

150 g light brown sugar, or muscovado

60 g cocoa powder, 3 tbspns

75 g flour, plain (75g oats, blended until like flour)

1 pinch salt

2 portion egg white

1 heaped teaspoon cocoa powder, for dusting


  • Put the prunes into a bowl and cover with boiling water. Leave to soak for about 2 hours, or overnight.

  • Put the prunes into a saucepan with 50ml of their soaking liquid. Heat and simmer for about 10 minutes, until just a little liquid remains (about 2 tbsp). Puree with a stick blender or in a liquidizer until smooth. Cool completely.

  • Preheat the oven to 180°C / fan oven 160°C / Gas Mark 4. Spray a 20cm (8 inch) square cake tin with low fat cooking spray, then line with greaseproof paper.

  • Melt the chocolate in a heatproof bowl, positioned over a saucepan of simmering water.

  • In a mixing bowl, beat together the prunes, whole egg and muscovado sugar. Sift in the cocoa powder, flour and salt and fold in with a metal spoon. Add the melted chocolate and stir in gently.

  • In a large grease-free bowl, whip the egg whites until they hold their shape. Tip them into the chocolate mixture and fold in gently. Transfer to the prepared tin and level the surface.

  • Bake for 25-30 minutes until firm to the touch. Cool, then cut into 16 squares. Serve, dusted with a little cocoa powder.

week 49 - proving my point

I need to be wheat free. I need to be thinking about the choices I make every second. I am not in the place where I can let go and just eat as I choose.. not unless I am going back to living with obesity.

Stats as of today -
BMI - 27.8
Weight - 157 lbs, total of 65 gone forever. 16 til gold.

So, I am still 9lbs up from 2 weeks ago. Have lost 3.5lbs over the weekend though!

Seeing a gain of almost a stone in just a few days of eating foods that are not good for me was shocking. Easy to see how just a couple of months of that type of eating could have my body plumped right back up to it's former glory. Last week was a fail in every way. I ate really badly. Too much, snacking, on the go, empty calories. It didn't satisfy me, all the food I thought I was craving and missing out on - actually didn't live up to the hype once I got my jaws around it. As well as the weight gain, my body was weakened. I couldn't get myself together to exercise, my muscles ached. Getting out the house or doing more than bare minimum on the movement front has been something I felt was out of my reach, feelings of lethargy and mild depression clouding my days and mood. Yuck.

So, change, quickly. Eating good whole foods that fuel my body to run healthily and efficiently. Using and strengthening my muscles and burning the fat by picking back up on the 30 day shred. Drinking plenty of fluids to help my body rid itself of the waste of this last week. Getting my head back into a healthy mindset.

Week 50 starts next week, I want to see that I've lost an average of 1.5lbs a week - and that ever elusive 75lbs off WILL BE MINE! (I would laugh, but I really, really do mean it every time!)