Wednesday, February 17, 2010

disjointed, but trying

trying to post something readable, and trying to stick to the plan. Not easy when very ill and suffering migraine.

On the way home from weigh in on Monday I realised something was up with my right eye, it was watering and itching like mad, but I assumed a cat-person must have been at fat club. It got worse through the day, by Monday night I was stuffed up totally on the right side of my face.

Tuesday I woke to streaming eye and nose, and itchy sore ear and throat, all on the right side. The kids have all had a cold and tummy bug, Sam was off work with it for a few days last week, but I thought I'd had it over the last fortnight. Bathed my eye out in wondermilk (really thankful that I have happy feeding toddlers to keep the supply up!) and within an hour it was a lot better. Then the head hit. From 4pm yesterday until around the same hour today, I couldn't move without shrieking in pain, couldn't see, couldn't speak.. yup, classic migraine.

The kids were fab at giving me space, and hung out with Sam from when he got in at 7.30, until close to midnight. Then today I've stayed hidden in bed, with the girls popping in and out to nurse, and spending time playing with their daddy, who's attempting to work a bit from home.

The diet is still limping along. Have gone over on points tonight, but nothing major. Exercise has NOT happened. My whole body feels bruised, can barely stand/sit without support. So am going to have to play catch up once I'm healthy again.

Have had to cancel a few get togethers we had planned this weekend, knowing that I'll crash and burn if I push myself. Am trying to realise this as the adult, sensible decision it is, rather than feeling like a wimp!

Monday, February 15, 2010

ReLENTless - Easter 2010

Tomorrow is all planned out. Promised the halflings mountains of pancakes and playing. Time for fun, fun, fun. Then ash Wednesday marks the start of Lent. As well as cleaning up after our day of fun and food, I'll be kicking off a relentless 40 day burst of weight loss wonderousness.

Easter Monday 2010 is Monday 5 April, 7 weeks away. By then I aim to have shed another 21lbs. Averaging 3lbs a week. I could aim for 14lbs, but I wanna PUSH. I know I can do it, and if I don't achieve it? What's the harm in trying? I'm not going to get hung up on results on the scales *as long as I've been putting the work in* the results WILL be there in some shape or form.

My Wii piggy has just turned silver. Another 20 hours and it'll go gold. If I do 30 mins each day I'll have my gold piggy ready for April.

I'm starting on week 4 of c25k this week, by week 9 I should be running 5k. Even if I have to redo a week somewhere between now and then, I should hit that goal by Easter also.

It's all there, ready for the taking. In 40 days I could be less than 20lbs to goal, able to run 5k AND boasting that gold piggy (oh, goal of goals!) 

So - am giving myself these aims for the next 40-something days - 

Weigh 159.5lbs / 11st 5.5lbs for Easter
No chocolate
Clock 20 hours on the Wii fit (average of 1/2 hr a day will be more than enough)
Complete c25k

Monday 15th Feb - starting weight 180.5lbs
Monday 22nd Feb
Monday 1st Mar
Monday 8th Mar
Monday 15th Mar
Monday 22nd Mar
Monday 29th Mar
Monday 5th Apr

Wasn't christened as a babe,

and so this is the first time I've had a silver piggy.

Did another 1.5 hour slog on the Wii fit tonight when Sam got back from the gym (and so entertained the halflings) getting me past the 20 hour mark..

Has been a good day, despite there being creme eggs and nutella in my house, and diet, today. All going after pancakes tomorrow, then am back choc free for Lent! Stuck to points by making a batch of yummy butternut squash and bacon soup - a HUGE bowl is just 1 point.

On top of the Wii activity and the 25mins walk this morning, I finally got back to the challenges I began last summer.

Completed the 200 squats last June, but wasn't sure how I'd manage on an exhaustion test today. Chucked a Muse album on and went for it. Hit a wall at about 85, but pushed for a hundred. By the time I got there I'd found my second wind. Finished at 210, quite pleased and with jelly knees.

Then I got back to the 100 pushups. Did the initial test and managed 15 before realising that over 11 meant going straight to column 3 anyway. Dove right in and completed day 1. 45 pushups.

I feel my body deserves pampering today.. shame that's not going to happen really..

week 77 - tilting the right way

sooo glad I did all that activity last night, saved me from a little gain or a STS this morning. Instead I got a 0.5lb loss. Back to 41.5lbs off, 11.5lbs til I am out of obesity, yay.

Had a couple of people say today that they could see a massive change in the last fortnight - that really helps, as I am finding it difficult to feel excited about seeing these numbers a second time around!

Pancake day tomorrow, and then it's Lent. Am going to set myself a few goals for Easter, hoping to be feeling as good this spring as I did last year.

Breaking even

Had a bit of a chaotic afternoon yesterday. Lead astray by roast chicken, valentines Terrys chocolate orange and a gluten free Dutch cake. A LOT of points.

Completed week 3 of c25k, and did 2 hours on the Wii. With the activity points I earnt this week, I just about broke even - will see what the scale says in an hour..

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Sunday, February 14, 2010

remember the tankini?

that I bought myself 9 months ago? In order to take my eldest swimming? Well it had sat unused all this time.. until this last Thursday.

I made a HUGE mental leap, and decided that even though I am weighing 2 stone heavier than I did trying it on last May, it covered me. My boy wants to learn to swim, and for goodness sake, giving my kids a happy healthy childhood is my goal.. I better start acting like it.

No-one ran screaming, and we had FUN. An hours swim, an hours walk, lunch and a movie, just me and my eldest. Bliss.

Am on points, have done 4 days Wii fit, 2 of 3 runs as well as walking and swimming. Hoping for a nice loss on Monday.

Friday, February 12, 2010

1639 hula hoops for 39 calories?

The maths just ain't fair is it? Should surely be a hip rotation per little crisp, no?

Ah well...

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Thursday, February 11, 2010

Run, fat girl, run.

My kids are all shnotty. It's not just a cold, but some kind of tummy bug too. The husbeast is off too, doing the usual man-flu routine. Much, much fun. I have felt better, but honestly, how I feel now is still so much better/healthier than I did 2 weeks ago! I was eating enough to be putting on an average of 2-3lbs a week, not exercising, leaving the house only to pop down the road to the shops for food, or to see my mum.

I admitted to Sam yesterday how bad things were getting again. How I could no longer pretend it was OK. I'd been struggling in August anyway, chasing the same 5lbs up and down the scale, and up 10lbs from my lowest weight in July. I had just begun to get on top of it again, on returning from Leicester when Sam was made redundant. He found a new job a month later, only to have his UC flare a week after starting. He was home, without sick pay, for 2 months, before he went back to the office, although this flare was over, his meds were not keeping him in remission, and so we wait for treatment that actually improves his quality of life. He was obviously not going to pass probation at the new office. I was so, so worried.

Then a minor miracle, he found a recruitment consultant looking for applicants in his field, called them in the morning, had an interview with the company head in the afternoon. The next morning he had a job offer. The company he was with breathed a sigh of relief at not having to fire him, and he got gardening leave for 2 weeks in January before starting his new position. He already seems happier there than he has in any other job since we moved to Leicester.

The boys assessments are calming down. Malachi has made huge improvements. Where he was assessed before Christmas to be at a level of under 12months old for development across the board, he is now at a 2yr level. Yes, he just turned 3, but a leap like that is amazing! The consultant is talking about diagnosing Seth with ASD, like I should be surprised. We've been offered several therapies and a place at special needs nursery for them. My resolve to HE is only strengthened after hearing from both SALT and portage how amazed they are at both the boys progress at home. *grin*

So, things are feeling a little less scary, I am in a good place to get myself firmly back to looking after myself, rather than wallowing, And boy, have I!

Running, I wish I had really pushed myself to continue last year. Running is bliss. I am only on week 3 of the C25K, but last nights run pushed me hard (I ran uphill, in the snow) and it felt GOOD. Now the babies are toddlers, and I can leave the 4 of them with their dad for an hour in the evening, I can look forward to that time as a means of escapse/thrashing out any stress, rather than eating it!

The shin pain I have had each run so far was almost nonexistant last night, instead my lower calves/ankles felt it! Imagine it's just my legs getting used to being used so much. In any case, I was not longing for the voice to say 'walk' nearly so much as I had been, just loved the feel of moving, and being free. Using my body PROPERLY. Fab. =)

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

A Good day

6 years ago today I smoked my last cigarette. Aged just 20, I'd been smoking for over 8 years, and had a 40-60 a day habit. Living with a former pothead, working behind a bar and at Uni - it was a comforting addiction and one that was a part of every aspect of my life.

6 years and 1 month ago, I lost my first baby. I had always assumed that once pregnant, the cravings wouldn't seem so strong. That the need to protect my unborn child would be stronger. I was wrong. I tried to quit when I found out, even cut down to a few a week.

Then she died. I blamed myself. For not drinking enough water, for not sleeping enough, for not eating right, for dancing to much and, of course, for smoking. I doubt very much now that it was 'my fault' - but there's nothing like mothers guilt. THAT was strong enough to beat the cravings. 6 months and two pregnancies later, I was carrying Seth.

I've beaten an addiction that threatened the chance of my children having the healthiest lives, and mother, possible before. I shall do it again.

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late nights and busted points..

are to be expected with young children I guess. My brood are poorly, hyper, snotty nosed and with bugs in their tummies. Fun.

Today, the husbeast decided he was very extremely not well too. (Yes, waaay too much 'Charlie and Lola' watched here) So I had him and the eldest whimpering, needing attention, food and hugs. Obviously both have man flu, on top of whatever else the rest of us have suffered. Good thing I had this bug a week ago then.

After wiping noses and playing chef all morning, I saw my chance to duck out, and so I did. Into Croydon to run errands, and do some supermarket shopping on the way back. Oh, and to see Avatar... *chuckle* I was in no hurry to get back to the sickpit!

Downside of seeing wowsa spectacular movie is the pick n mix fudge. I had 'just' 200g in my bag, not even 1/5th full!! I knew I'd already had 10 points, so figured that was my day done, by 1.30pm. Oops.

Still, after doing shopping and clocking up 1.5-2 hours walk, I figured it'd at least balance. Was really relieved to discover my mad moment only cost 15 points. 

So, a light evening of apple, yoghurt and snack a jacks and a quick 15mins on the Wii, and I thought the babies would need me to get to sleep. Yet here I am, still. 1am, babies awake. Bluddy colds. Have resorted to a double Baileys, hoping it'd either knock them out in my milk, or at least chill me out so I don't care. Figure it's already Wednesday, so I haven't busted my points.. !

Need to crack on with week 3 of c25k tomorrow. Am a tad nervous at the jump to 3 minute intervals, but trust it'll work. Today I only did 15mins Wii, but did 1hr1min yesterday, and have earnt a total of 7.5 points two days anyway.  

Mon,  Feb. 08, 2010
..Oat clusters and dried strawberries 5pts.
..Vanilla low fat yoghurt 1pts.
..Gluten free pasta 50g 2.5pts.
..Tuna 70g 1pts.
..Mix veg 50g .5pts.
..Extra light Mayo .5pts.
..Granola  5.5pts.
..Free from hot cross bun 3pts.
..Sunflower Spread 1pts.
..Salad sandwich 5.5pts.
..Omelette 1pts.
..Apple .5pts.
..Toffee yoghurt 1.5pts.
..Snack a jacks 1.5pts.

Total: 26.5pts. (minus 3.5 bonus points)

Tue,  Feb. 09, 2010
..Oat crunch 3.5pts.
..Yoghurt vanilla  .5pts.
..Gluten free bread 1.5pts.
..Egg 1.5pts.
..Corned beef 3pts.
..Pick n mix200g 15pts.
..Snack a jacks 3pts.
..Yoghurt 1.5pts.
..Apple .5pts.

Total: 26.0pts. (minus 4.0 bonus points)

...and the Baileys did the trick. Sleeping babies. Hope I can get everyone to bed and grab some kip before the next child needs running to the bathroom!!

Monday, February 08, 2010

Oh, to be back in my 'still fat' clothes..

Have gone through my wardrobe today and finally got honest with myself about how much weight I have/had put on since last summer.

I remember my size 12 jeans being baggy, I know somewhere I have a picture of me fitting into size 10 jeans, and knowing that with just 7lbs to my weightwatchers goal of a 24.9 BMI, I would very definately be back to a size 10 for good - meaning the huge haul of clothing I lovingly collected in my college days would fit again (yays)

Here's those 'baggy' 12s now

Hmm, yes. I was still squeezing into them at the start of November - weighing just 3lbs less than now. I was careful to wear them only when out, taking them off as soon as I got in, as I knew once they were washed I'd not get them back on!

So, I did know what was happening. I also remember looking down while feeding the girls one night in December, seeing my middle and knowing *knowing* where I was headed. Quickly put my head back in the sand though.

I could use loads of energy being cross and sulking about messing up, or I can recognise where I went right. Still 29lbs under my start weight, straight back into tracking, blogging and moving. I've held my hands up and gotten back to it. I'm working through why I eat chaotically, rather than just trying to suppress it.

I have only clothes that fit *right now* in my wardrobe. As soon as something is a little big on, I will charity shop it. No room for kidding myself. Soon, very soon, all of these clothes that fit a few skinny months ago - they'll fit again!

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week 76 - a surprise loss

So, made everyone breakfast, sorted laundry and got the house awake for the day. Decided I may as well take the chance to do a body test on the Wii, to know for sure what my weight was in the morning.

And it was 2lbs off from last weeks weight. Yippee! Had been preparing myself for a STS, or even a small gain after the huge loss last week. But no. Even having 31 points (and going over a couple of days) I am losing.

Down to 181lbs this week, means I've lost all the flab gained over December and January in a fortnight, nice work. Also means I'm down a stone bracket, so back to 20 points (+10 for tandem feeding the milk monsters).

Loving the iWatchr app. Saw that Bryher has been using it for a while (which I totally missed reading while I was hiding from blogging) and has been exporting her tracker. Going to attempt to do that this week.

12lbs to go until my BMI is back under 30, can't believe I let myself get this big again. Still, I know I can do this. Easy on, easy off? I hope so!

Mummy! Dook! Iz shnow oudside!

Not going to weigh in this morning, woke as usual to find 3 very red snotty little noses. We all tucked ourselves back under my duvet and snoozed another hour, until the phone rang.

Maya and Anya suddenly jumped like they'd been stung - snow!

Sure enough, my mum was calling to say eek, snow (she is a 'see a speck and hibernate' type) so with no weigh in buddy, 3 bugsy kids and running late, today is a Wii weigh in.

According to the lovely Wii last night, I am 183 still. Telling myself a STS after a 10lb loss is ok, and I'll see a decent drop next week, just gotta keep on keeping on. ;)

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Sunday, February 07, 2010

fitter, not fatter

Things are going well, had mostly stuck to my points last week and kept active, but think I may have slipped too far out of eating well over the last few months to have everything down as close to perfect as the way I had it pre mindless eating.

Week 2 of being back on track, and I have done my target activity. As well as 5/7 days 30 mins on the Wii fit, I have completed week 2 of c25k. My lower legs feel knackered, but I'm enjoying it.
  • Monday - 45 minutes walk and 30 minutes aerobics on Wii fit.
  • Tuesday - 30 min jog (c25k w2d1) and 30 mins yoga on Wii fit.
  • Wednesday - 1 hours hilly walk, carrying babies and 30 mins step aerobics on Wii fit.
  • Thursday - 30 min jog (c25k w2d2)
  • Friday - 30 min walk
  • Saturday - 45 min walk and 30 mins Wii fit plus
  • Sunday - 30 min jog (c25k w2d3) and 30 mins Wii fit plus
Time to reset my activity goals, as things are going so smoothly on that front. Back in June I set myself targets for completing the c25k, challenges (squat, pushups and situps) and the 30day shred.

New aims, starting small so as not to confuzzle myself and burn out, again.

First - to complete c25k, and to do 30 mins on the Wii 5 days a week.

25/01 week 1 c25k - complete
01/02 week 2 c25k - complete
08/02 week 3 c25k - complete 200 squats retest - complete Silver Wii fit piggy - complete
15/02 week 4 c25k - 100 pushups week 1
22/02 week 5 c25k - 100 pushups week 2
01/03 week 6 c25k - 100 pushups week 3
08/03 week 7 c25k - 100 pushups week 4
15/03 week 8 c25k - 100 pushups week 5
22/03 week 9 c25k - 100 pushups week 6

Aha, tracking on the go.

Just found an app, iWatchr, for tracking on the move. That's going to make things easier! I have my point allowance each day, and if I don't know the point valued, then I can input cals and sat fats instead. Ossum.

Stuck to a very low point day yesterday, to balance the very high one the day before. Feeling a bit nervy of weigh in this week. After such a massive loss last week, I'm certain that it's going to be very unlikely to have another loss this week. I really hope I'm wrong.

Had a session on the Wii fit + yesterday - so much fun. Love how easy it is to switch between players. We all had a good giggle doing rhythm Kung Fu and blundering through Obstacle course. Took it down to my parents' last night and near wet myself laughing watching my mum and dad flap about on Birds eye Bulls eye.

Aiming to so another 30mins today - will make 5/7 doing 30mins Wii fit. As well as the last run for week 2 of c25k.

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Saturday, February 06, 2010

bit of a hiccup

but I'm still here. Had a rough couple of days. Eating not brilliant, batteries in the Wii balance board died, grey soggy weather and bored kids.

I went over points by a little both Thursday and Friday, but am pulling it back today. Did my run Thursday night, and went for a walk yesterday. Today the new rechargeable pack for the balance board arrived, so I can get back on with doing my 30mins a day.

This morning I went shopping with my parents and brother. Sat and chatted with them in the cafe, without eating anything (a huge achievement for me!) then went and bought the Wii fit plus game, looking forward to trying it out tonight.

So, started to de-rail, pulled it back. Still wheat free, still on track to have a loss at the scales come Monday. =)

Thursday, February 04, 2010

The only part of my outfit that fits..

the rest of my planned clothing is still too small! Have the confirmation email, and set up a justgiving page. Now 5 months to drop 3 stone and complete the c25k!!

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

So, it's February

that must mean it's time to think pink. I've been shopping and bought some essentials... (the wig, not some poor girls head!)

Yup, it's Race For Life entry time!!

After walking last years, we said this year we'd jog it. I will not be tandem carrying the twins, aside from the fact that it would be cruel torture to my legs to run under all the weight (like they are now) and that it'd mean not dressing up as easily, it's not safe to run when carrying a baby! Hello, shaken baby syndrome.

Hoping that they, and the boys, will come along to watch and picnic afterwards though (sunshine, please? Unlike last years bizarre late July rainstorm).

Doing the Hyde park event again, as it is in July, giving my sister a chance to sit her finals without a 5km in the middle.

Just need to get myself down to the right size now. Have bought everything in a 10, should be easy to do inside 5 months. Really has given me a boost to get this C25K done, and stay running regularly.

keeping the ball rolling

So last week was pretty fantastic. Enjoyed my food, which was all on track and wheat free. Exercised each day for 30mins, including 3 runs for C25K week one. Went from being too bloated to fit into any of my clothes, having instead to borrow joggers from the husbeast.. to back into my 14s.

Obviously I am not expecting to lose another 10lbs this week (I mean, if I could I wouldn't grumble, but yeah..) but I know that if I keep up the level of motivation, and act on it, I could see another chunk off by next Monday. I have around a stone to lose to be back to an 'overweight' BMI, I want to get that gone by the end of the month. Four weeks to lose 14lbs? I look at my weight loss last year and know that it's attainable.

Have taped up copies of my 'before' pictures, onto kitchen cupboards at eye level, as an extra motivator. Hopefully if this scary lady catches my eye as I open the fridge, I will only make good choices!!

Have spent a little extra on myself this week. Spent a bit more time - for exercising and doing the little pampering jobs that can totally change how I feel about myself inside 15mins. It is nearlyimpossible to feel totally disgusting and worthless after treating myself to a bubble bath, painting my nails. de-fuzzing, treating my skin to a proper cleanse/tone/moisturise or doing my hair. I have also spent a bit more money on my food. Bought some wheat replacement type foods.. crumpets, sliced bread, and lemon cookies. Also some me-friendly snacks, (popcorn, dried fruit, nuts and seeds) on top of the usual wheat-laden stuff that the others eat.

In total I probably spent £12 and 7-8 hours on me this week. Seeing as the familys weekly outgoings are 50 times that amount, and the other 160+ hours I was totally available for everyone else, I don't *think* that I'm being too unreasonable to expect to carry on doing it!

Monday, February 01, 2010

10lbs in 7 days..

not too shabby. Am now back where I was at the start of January last year. Just 11lbs more until I am back out of obesity, phew.

Really feeling good about doing this again, and back in my trousers (phew) rather than stuck in joggers every day.

Today also marks 1 month without chocolate, or anything with chocolate flavour. My New Years resolution was to not eat chocolate until my BMI was under 25. I can't wait!!!