So many times in the last 4 months I've planned to start the diet anew. Always would think 'oh have one *last* food day, start tomorrow/after xxx event/once vie done the next food shop'. Thing was I would have the big binge, have one or two decenti-sh days and then CRASH. I had no buffer ready for when things got tough and was allowing myself to think of binges as 'treating myself'. So on day 3 my skin would be crawling with wanting to eat the crap, the kids would be being kidlike and then some housework would need doing and I'd snap - and stuff something (usually quick and calorie laden) down my throat.
I'd gotten back to not going out except to shop or throw the kids at the playground. None of my clothes fit and I felt really awful. Had a good go around the end of April when I was going to a Hole gig and wanted to lose some lbs to cope with the hours in the moshpit. Once that was over it was birthday season, with 3 of the kids' birthdays inside a fortnight at the end of May. Cake, cake, cake. Then my parents 30th anniversary - more cake!
But now it's nearly July. And that brought home to me how far off track I've gone. On July 20th it'll be a year since I weighed in at 148lbs. Just 7lbs from the weightwatchers gold goal.
Closer than that, on July 3rd, I'm going to see Eclipse (sorry non Twi-fans) I remember sitting in the cinema when New Moon came out, feeling pretty pants about the 30lb gain, and thinking I would easily manage to be at goal by the time this film came out 7.5mos later. Instead I now have a 56lb gain. Ahem.
Also, I have events on the horizon that to be able to enjoy fully needs to see some changes made:
- It's the race for life in 3 weeks, if I'm going to get round in anything like a decent time I need to weigh less and train some.
- I'm seeing Muse at Wembley Stadium (rawr!) 2 nights in a row (RAWR!) and have standing/level 1 tickets to both. I want to ENJOY them! Not wish I was sat on my arse. Muse will be way more epic with less sweaty obese pain!
- I am going on holiday in September where there will be free swimming, and 7 adults to our 4 kids and I want to make the most of it. This means not palming off the kids to others to do swims, but feeling confident and ENJOYING being able to go in the pool all together.
- November, I'm off to see Paramore. Again standing tickets. I do NOT want to be the fat late 20s chick amongst the skinny emo teens!!
- Finally, if I lose a steady albs a week from now. I'll be going into 2011 with a healthy BMI. I would love my New Years resolution to be to carry on as I have been!
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