Saturday, July 31, 2010

Serious stuff

Have struggled a bit this week, from Wednesday through Friday I was eating wheat, and going over 2000 cals a day. Not binge-style eating, just grazing too much, and letting my hormones decide my diet. Not clever.

Came to a head on Thursday. I'd spent the morning baking, and hadn't yet eaten breakfast (d'oh) when the Victoria sponge cake I'd made for Sam to take into work went wrong. The buttercream wasn't stiff enough, and the whole thing looked messy. I went a little crazy, the mad fat girl inside me was set free, and before I had time to blink I found myself holding a 1/4 of the entire cake at my mouth. Then a little voice said 'don't eat that, it will  make you fat. I don't want you to do that.'

Slow motion I turned around to see my 5 year old son standing beside me, a worried frown etched into his forehead. 'Mummy, you can't eat that. It's bad for you, and too much. You will be poorly..'

Without a seconds hesitation, that whole cake went into the bin.  I couldn't believe what I had nearly done. More than the shame of that though, I felt overwhelmingly angry and upset that I broke my promise to myself. My disordered eating was not meant to have any effect on my kids. Ever. And here was my little boy telling me he was sad and scared of my getting 'too big and feeling sick' Ugh.

Yesterday was better, though not great. I was on the last day of my period and so irritable and hungry and feeling mildly depressed because of the wheat.

So, instead of raiding the fridge at 9pm, I went for a walk to clear my head. That night I was due for a run, but late naps and my sister (running buddy) having a late dinner meant we postponed starting week 8 of c25k until tonight. After walking 5 minutes I felt like running, burning off the stress and calories of the day. I ran 30 minutes straight. I was in pain, feeling the weight of the food I'd eaten, but I ran. Afterwards I felt good. Not euphoric, just 'normal'.

Today I'm back on track. Eating is in control, drinking my water, took the boys to see Toy Story 3 and chugged water as they munched popcorn. In a bit I'm going for a run, 28 minutes tonight, and I know I can do it.

I'm crap at keeping promises to myself, but my son has asked me to 'eat well and get small again', I will not let him down.

PEWC week 2

Second week of the Positive Effect Water Challenge under my belt, was aiming for 10 glasses a day and managed it. Chugged a total of 88, around 12 1/2 a day, or just over 3 litres. Not waking in the night to pee anymore, and cramps during my period have been really tame. Wondering how many of my physical issues were simply dehydration. Scary.

Had decided to aim for 12 glasses this week, as I'm noticing days I drink less, I'm feeling thirsty now. Part of me wondered if 3 litres every day might be overdoing it, but then reasoned that while I'm breastfeeding two toddlers, I'm likely to be able to cope with a bit more than 'average'.

Then I saw big_mummys latest and thought for 59p, it couldn't hurt to take a look at an app that wanted to tell me exactly how much water I needed, based on my lifestyle/weight etc. Used it today to measure my water intake, and it was a bit fun to be awarded an 'A' at the end of the day!

According to 'Water' at my weight, running 30minutes every other day and breastfeeding, I need just over 3.5litres a day, or 14 glasses. 3 weeks ago I wasn't getting even 25% of that in! Hoping to keep noticing ways in which my health is improving if I keep this up. Honestly, now the constant toilet trips are calming down, I can see this sticking.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

week 100 *bloat*

I weighed myself yesterday and saw a loss of 3lbs. Last night I felt myself bloat and sure enough today I've 'gained' 2 of those back. Am taking yesterdays weight as the real one, under the hormonal bloatage, otherwise I'll be tempted to not bother this week, knowing that in a few days I'll drop lbs anyway!

Last year I was aiming to be at a 'healthy' BMI by my wedding anniversary, that's not going to happen, but I reckon I can reach my 20% mark of 44lbs lost, the equivalent weight of my very chunky 3.5 year old rhino-boy. Then I'll need to lose another 9lbs in the following 3 weeks to hit my holiday goal.

Run, fat girl, run!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

I. Will. Not. Binge

Ugh, I hate this. Totally normal and I know it will pass but yuck. Taken the kids to the park with my sister and her boyfriend. We had fish n chips picnic (my portion was calorie counted and gluten free - I loves my local chippy). Have been gently active all day and on my 10th glass of water as of now, 5.30pm.

But my abdomen is BLOATED and so so sore. Each of the kids seen to be on a mission to annoy me, and my straw is so short, I woke up barely clutching the end of it. I am touched out and want to hide under my duvet until my uterus is done throwing a hissy fit and allows my belly to fit back into my jeans without aching.

How badly I want to munch all the chocolate buttons I just gave the kids, or anything really. Instead I am hiding in the bathroom pretending to be 'busy' rather than throw children from my path as I dive headfirst into their snacktime.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, July 26, 2010

I went

got a bit brave, and decided as I'm going to be achey tomorrow anyway, I might as well do the run tonight. Finally found my lungs were coping the whole route, even though my legs were struggling more than normal. Nice drizzle helpled as we took a new, hilly route.

Good and sweaty at the end! Was pleased to have bit the bullet and gone, though my legs really felt stiff and my pace was a bit slower than last time, there's no way I ever would have gone running during my period before, so it's a real mini success for me in changing my habits and how I see my body. 'Treating' myself to some fresh air and exercise, strengthening my body, rather than 'comforting' it with calorie laden goodies and resting it on the sofa.

On a kind of unrelated note, I felt quite lightheaded earlier on today, and quickly realised that I'd only had 500mls water by mid afternoon. Though only 2 weeks ago that would be totally normal for me, my body is expecting better already. Out of interest I checked my blood pressure. It's usually nice and low, around 100/60 is normal for me, so I wasn't surprised to see the result. After drinking more fluids it returned to normal. Had suffered from low pressure symptoms a few times before, now I'm wondering how often I was simply dehydrated!!

Going to really keep on top of the fluids thing now, drank 14 glasses today and feel great.

a first for me..

*** Warning, there will be talk of female 'ishoos' ahead. I am female, I am fertile, I am blogging about my body and it's changes, this was bound to happen eventually....***

Often at Weightwatchers meetings I would hear the leader talking to a fellow member, advising them that their odd weeks result may well be due to their hormonal rhythms. I've read LOADS of blogs where a skewed weigh in has been blamed entirely on the arrival of a period. Though I've been dieting on and off since 19 I cannot remember ever having a period while dieting!

I was put on the hormonal pill by my GP at 15 or 16, to try and help with my very heavy periods caused by endometriosis. When I was losing weight pre-wedding I decided to come off them, also was fed up with the headaches they caused me. It took months for them to return after the disruption to my hormones, by which time I had lost the weight I wanted, and didn't pay any attention to monthly changes in weight if there were any.

After my first son I lost weight at a slow pace, and though my periods returned 3-4 months postpartum, I was dealing with postbirth issues that affected my eating more than my monthly visitor would have been! Several months after my second sons birth, when I started Weightwatchers (August 2007) my periods were haphazard, but I was losing weight at a steady rate. When after 5 weeks I didn't lose easily despite being on plan, I assumed it was due to my hormones changing. I was right, kinda. But it wasn't my fertility returning! Twins tend to make one bloat a little!

One huge bonus to breastfeeding the twins (and there are many, many of which I'm likely unaware) was the delay in my fertility returning. Couldn't last forever though (and nor would I want it to) and just before the girls' 2nd birthday I had a huge shock when I went to the bathroom one morning. And again 5 weeks later, they were back. Gah. But then, nothing. 12 weeks has passed and I have done two pregnancy tests during that time, but knew it was unlikely. Just my body slowly clicking back to normal.

This last week I've really felt on top of my eating/activity. Last night I was going to blog, but just couldn't keep my eyes open. I felt shattered. After being very restless and 'zingy' earlier in the evening I figured I was overtired and headed to bed before midnight. Woke this morning feeling tired, and was convinced I was getting ill. Spent the morning wanting to pick at everything, and out of nowhere had cravings for flour-type stuff. Got on the Wii to perk myself up, and felt a bit deflated seeing that I've only lost 2lbs. (I know, I know 2lbs is fab, but I have felt REALLY on fire and cut out wheat, and that usually means I drop lbs really fast).

And then I went to the bathroom. And everything fell into place. Maybe come Wednesdays weigh in I will have lost a significant amount, but if not I will keep in mind that I have heard countless women say that they have a week every month that is a hard-to-shift one, and this is mine.

Now just got to decide whether I'm up for running tonight. (And I also know now why my thighs were screaming 2 days ago!)

Sunday, July 25, 2010

just keep on keeping on...

wrote the last post on my phone as I fell asleep last night, took me 20 minutes as I was So. Tired. Great sleep though - 8 hours. Think keeping properly hydrated is going to be a habit I want to keep up.

It's been a month since my latest 'reboot' and I'm still here, at least 15lbs down, and the momentum is building. I'm feeling good, really good. Not manic like I was last year, pushing myself too fast, too hard, and then falling short and gaining. Steady, lifelong changes. Controlled calories, running every other day, staying hydrated. It's working.

I had to really push myself hard to get back here, to blog again, to weigh myself. Now, after 31 days, it's easier. I'm enjoying it and feeling quietly confident in my ability to keep it up. Not for forever, just for the rest of my life...

Had a good day today. Went to see the new Karate Kid at the cinema, (side note, Jaden Smith was amazing) and munched happily on a big 100g bar of Green & Blacks Butterscotch, 529 calories and so, so worth it. Drank my water, kept inside my calories and just enjoyed a day 'off' without 'treating' myself with food. My sister wasn't up for running tonight, but I knew I couldn't slack off, even by one day. That's how it falls apart. So I went alone, and ran week 7 day 1 and ENJOYED it. 25minutes straight, no-one to keep me focused but myself. Totally awesome. Covered 3.7km in that time, another 9 minutes at the same pace and that'll be my 5k. *does celebratory toe wiggle*

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Watering and pruning

Completed my first full week of the Positive Effect Water Challenge - 64 glasses through the week, averages at 9 1/3 a day. Finding that reaching 8 glasses a day is really do-able now. The last few days I have been running to the loo every few minutes it seems, so much so that I ended up taking a pregnancy test to rule that out!!

Hoping it's flushing the flab away.

Also had a quick look at my blogs list and was sad to see a good 1/3 of the bloggers had disappeared for over a year. Pruned the list back to nearly half once the inactive blogs were gone.. I hate that that was nearly me, hope to see lots of them get back on it.

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Thursday, July 22, 2010

25 minutes!!!

Did week 6 day 3 of the c25k plan today. After the huge endorphin crazed 'I can do anything' post run rush of Tuesday wore off, doubts have been creeping in.

Was it a fluke?

Am I actually moving at anything like a jogging pace, or just falling forwards for half an hour 3-4 times a week?

OK, so I managed 20, but 25?

Really, how likely is it than an obese person is going to manage this plan? One size fits all doesn't fit the obese, I know that much..

Since my sister has been back home (living down the road with parents) we've been running together. She was meant to be out tonight, so we had arranged to go for next run on Friday, and try the 20 again, as we both hit walls halfway through and didn't feel hugely confident we'd finish. There was a lot of high fiving and celebratory shuffles on the cooldown walk after we both finished the 20 and realised what we'd done.

Was still doing the morning routine, pre breakfast, when I got a text asking if tonight would still be ok for me, being chirpy and full of can-do first thing, I reckoned we should go for the 25mins. She sounded a little less certain more awake. By the time I was fuelled up and conscious I was glad she'd said it. By this evening I was fairly convinced that I'd struggle to complete 20, and totally flake on trying the 25.
Reasoned that it was OK. I *am* still 50lbs over the top of the healthy weight range for my height, running at all is awesome. My shoes are a bit off now, sizewise, and I need to be careful. We have been running a lot, and I've gone from not being able to run 60 seconds in a row without going beet red, stitches in my sides and struggling to maintain pelvic floor integrity, to running 20mins inside 5 weeks. As long as I'm not going backwards, it'd be OK.

Then I read Jack Sh*ts latest.. everything there was fab, but the first 3 had me spluttering at the screen. Yes, yes, OK. I know. Resolved to attempt the 25mins, I could always stop at 20 if I needed to anyway.

Then while getting ready this evening and putting on my new joggers (back into 16s now, no borrowing Sams gym pants to run in) and had Sam take a pic of me in them. Looking at the photos I realised I had to push myself or I was going to be stuck, obese and standing still. My mornings good intentions needed to turn into a good workout. I needed to plan my route for 25minutes running. My body is a lot stronger than I credit it with. I am in control of what I'm doing with the running, and I'm worth making the effort for. (Thanks Jack)

So I set my app for the next run - and we ran it. And it wasn't easy, it hurt, I sweat buckets and clashed with my pink hair and made awful grunting sounds along to Florence on the iPod. It was not as mentally challenging as the last run had been, I told myself I could do this. I wanted it. I imagined my silhouette in 6 months time, I imagined running for 10k and loving the feeling. My body was being pushed to perform, and my legs hurt, but they are getting stronger and stronger. I had hydrated properly beforehand and there was no stitch in my side. We ran at just over 5mph for 25 minutes. Another 10 minutes running and we'll be running 5k. That is cool.

Beacon Hill Cookies - and the baked stuff I haven't eaten

Been a slow day here, but a rare easy-going one. Long without dragging, we've done nothing much, recovering from a busy week still. Today has been a no shower, fresh faced, tee and joggers day. I needed one.

Kids have been content with books and crayons, fighting and screaming has been towards the lower end of the spectrum for much of the day. After breakfast they decided upon holding a tea party for their toys, and I took the chance to get on with deep cleaning the kitchen.
bring it on beacons...

While going through the cupboards I found the electric whisk gadget thing, which sparked the idea to try and make Beacon Hill cookies. I had a go last week, but failed. Eggs weren't nearly stiff enough and I ended up with a burnt puddle of chocolate egg goo stuck to greaseproof paper.

Chucked the chocolate over a pan to melt down while I cleaned the cupboards out, and then set to making them. I'd seen the recipe on 'Cook Yourself Thin' on Channel Four, and really thought they would be a winner for me. I LOVE sweet chocolately nibbles, and do miss a packet couple of biscuits and a cuppa during the day.

The fact that these were low cal enough that I could have one with cup of tea and be under 100 cals, that they were wheat free *and* real chocolate screamed my name. I tried the recipe last week with milk chocolate, caster sugar and raisins instead of nuts, and it was a bit rubbish. Grabbed some 70% Divine chocolate, fruit sugar and chopped hazelnuts at Sainsburys last night with the intention of trying again when I had time to spend an hour or five whisking eggs. I've been baking lots again this week, and always feel a bit left out when I watch the rest of the tribe guzzling goodies that I cannot. I'm not struggling, but to have something of my own at snacktime would cheer me up no end.

nom nom nom...
 So, when at 11am today I found my hand mixer (aha, that's it's name) I did a quick Chandler dance and got the bits together to make the noms. From turning on the mixer to cooling tray, they took 25 minutes. Had a minor eek when I realised I was out of paper, but put them in cases instead this time so they are more cakey than they otherwise might be. Made 18, so they worked out at 73 calories each. Same as a chocolate digestive, but a lot more indulgent and a wicked chocolate hit. Had 3 with a cuppa for mid afternoon pick me up, and it really, really did. Cost around £3 to make a batch of 18, which is under half of what I'd pay in the shops for gluten free snacks like these.

Very pleased with them, and having had some chocolate nibbles made resisting the glutton glutenfest of the remainder of my days baking, a lot easier! Made a cheesy lasagne for dinner, with marbled cupcakes for dessert. It all disappeared, so I assume it tasted as good as my eyes thought it would. Also avoided the masses of cakes baked for Sam to take into the office tomorrow. Finally back in the swing of cupcakes after having flukey time of it over the weekend. Every batch I made were just wrong.. he's reaping the benefits as I have my confidence back. Sending him in with a tub of Nutty Lemon and Marbled Chocolate & Vanilla.  
inhale, inhale, inhale.. no! Not through your mouth....

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

week 99 (yikes)

and another 4lbs off this week, taking me to 33lb off now. I'm a third of the way to my optimum weight, and less than 50lbs to a healthy BMI. I seem to remember having done this particular whoop-fest before, oh yeah... there it was, 83 weeks ago. Ahem.

Girls are no longer a combined weight of 33lbs, and out of curiosity this morning I had the halflings all get on the Wii to weigh them. Seth is 51, Kai 43, Maya 25.5 and Anya 26. Just another 10lbs til I have lost the equivalent weight of my rhino boy. That'll feel like an achievement!!

Getting back under 190 feels very good, a nice solid decade between me and the 200lb mark. Phew. Just (ha) another 20lbs off  and I'm back out of obesity, which will be fab. Having had a taste of being just 'overweight' for several months last year, I know what I'm sacrificing staying this size. Though my cardiovascular fitness and core strength is far improved this year, so I can only imagine how incredible it'll feel being slim *and* fit. Have just under 2 months til my holiday/gig weekend, and I really REALLY want those 20lbs off for then. Moshing at Wembley, wearing what I want, rather than what I can, and going swimming without my costume trying to cut off the circulation to my limbs would be, well, nice!

sit up and pay attention...

Tonight I ran 20 minutes straight. Whoop. Haven't been able to do that since I was 15!! Covered 2.9k in 20 minutes, so ran at around 5.5miles an hour. Burning 261 calories :) Yay.

Is a huge mental shove I made to do this tonight, it's been a barrier for ages, me wondering if actually my body just had no stamina, was too weak, etc etc. Well, it's not. My legs felt fine, no pain, I sweat buckets, sure, but I'm 70lbs over my optimum weight, who wouldn't?! I hit a wall just a few minutes in, but kept on, and again at around 10 minutes, my lungs felt tight, but I bust through and for minutes 12-16 just enjoyed running. The last few were a bit tougher, mostly as I had a stitch forming, but I reckon I'll be ok to do the 25min run next time. To celebrate I downloaded the bridge to 10k app, cos in a month or so I'm going to need it.

Also did week 1 day 1 of the 200 sit-ups challenge today. Hoping that by holidays I'll have completed it, but if not, meh.. my abs need all the work they can get! In the initial test I managed 20 odd, and ranked as 'poor'. Was going to happen given that my muscles were hacked open 2 years ago.. so, quite chuffed with the 67 I managed today.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Sunburn, Picnics and staying on track..

back into London city today for the annual Breastfeeding picnic. Scotlands' Breastfeeding Bill protects the right of any child, in a public space where they are allowed to be, to have milk feeds (breast/bottle) without interruption. In Scotland,  mums, dads, grandparents or caregivers feed their hungry child(ren) milk anywhere the child has a right to be, and if someone tries to stop the feed it is an offence. The police can be called, and the person trying to stop the milk feed, can be charged and fined £2,500.

In England and Wales, and Northern Ireland, no such protection exists. This needs to change, and until it does we will lobby, and picnic!

Anyway, was a lovely day. Sam took the day off so we could all go, and I packed lunches full of goodies. Stuck to my calories, although I *had* to eat some boob cupcakes my friend Bec brought (nom, nom) so not wheat free.. Beautiful, gorgeous summer day. I had sunburn from the hours in Hyde park yesterday, so wore a top to cover those bits, and now I've twice the area of burn, as I was so focused on keeping halflings hydrated and in the shade.. fail.

The kids enjoyed running about and meeting new faces, though there weren't as many over 3s as last year, as school's not out yet. I very much liked seeing lots of online mum friends in person again. Been hiding away again as the weight's gone on, and life stuff has got in the way of those I would have gone to anyway. So yeh, was very happy to get some face time with the 'mafia mamas' ;)

After looking at the change in me from last year, I'm *very* glad to be back on track and have already shed a stone. I just look knackered and flabby. Gah.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Race for Life

We did it. Not nearly as terrible as I had fretted it would be, enjoyed it even.

2nd year of it being held at Hyde Park, and we were back. Last year we walked round, I was carrying both the twins and was at 148lbs.. so today without the twins on I weighed about the same *sigh*.. however, we found it way easier than last year, and jogged intervals to get a time of 48 minutes, improving on last year by 11 minutes. :)

Estimated to be 17,000 women taking part with a fundraising target of £1,445,000, was a good day!

Have drunk plenty of h2o, and am on track. Happy Sunday!

Saturday, July 17, 2010

12 hours to go..

my outfit is ready, my hair has a good glob of flamingo pink at the front and my playlist is sorted.

Race for Life is tomorrow.

Please, if it's something you have a heart for, sponsor us and help cancer research in their work.


Looks like it's due to heat up again, and I know I need to be chugging water to be getting the best weight loss and avoid bloating. Especially in the summer, especially while breastfeeding, especially when running regularly.

But I don't. I probably put away around a litre a day, but often it's diet drinks. Very rarely just pure water.
That's changing.

I have seen Kenz and Sean set the challenge to make 64oz (2 litres) a day of water a habit. Started this week, but I'm joining in. Got my 8 glasses in yesterday, just. And am 75% done with todays too. :)

Getting tomorrows in should be easy, being in London and doing the 5k I might even catch up with the days I missed!

Positive Effect Water Challenge

16/07 - 8 glasses
17/07 - 8 glasses
18/07 - 10 glasses
19/07 - 8 glasses
20/07 - 10 glasses
21/07 - 9 glasses
22/07 - 11 glasses 

*** end week one, 64 glasses *** 

23/07 - 12 glasses
24/07 - 10 glasses
25/07 - 11 glasses 
26/07 - 14 glasses 
27/07 - 13 glasses 
28/07 - 14 glasses 
29/07 - 14 glasses

*** end week two, 88 glasses ***

30/07 - 15 glasses
31/07 - 15 glasses
01/08 - 14 glasses
02/08 - 15 glasses
03/08 - 14 glasses
04/08 - 18 glasses
05/08 - 14 glasses

*** end week three, 105 glasses ***


Spending a few moments today, on what 'should' have been her sixth birthday, wondering at the love left behind by such a small, sudden flash of life. I named her well, my teeny tiny first. Her light was blinding and forever altered me, though she was but a whisper to anyone else. Gone forever. Living in my every heartbeat.

Friday, July 16, 2010

It's *that* weekend

and I'm so, so ready to move past it.

This weekend sees me doing 5k Race for Life on Sunday, followed by the annual 'breastfeeding picnic' on Monday. Last year I had lost 74lbs, and from that Monday onwards I'd been gaining. Somewhere in my head I had wanted to get back to the 148lbs by the same events this year. Without dropping 3 stone overnight, that's not going to happen. I don't want it enough to cut my legs off, and I'd run a pretty poor 5k in that state anyway.

I did the Hyde Park 5k last year in 59minutes, carrying the twins - this year I weigh an extra 40 odd lbs, but I'm going to jog, and better my time. Ha.

Last year I went to the picnic with 3 of my kids, and had a natter. This year I'm taking the whole family, going to bake some cakes (of which I shall eat none!) and have emailed my MP.

I'm fatter, but I'm fitter and *doing* more.

Did week 6 day 1 of c25k last night, alone, 4.15k in 33mins. Not shabby considering I've only been back running for less than a month. Aiming to complete the 5k in 45mins on Sunday. Obviously not going to fit the size 10 outfit I'd bought back in February, when I should have been doing what I am now.. so am going to wear the fairy dress I got to go see Hole in May. Chuck a sports bra underneath, it'll do, lol!

 Another good day today. On track, took kids to park, did cleaning of kitchen without rummaging for snacks and baked LOADS of muffins and cookies for the tribe to snack on over the weekend (as I won't be here to fix grub other than main meals) without scoffing any. Wahey :)

Thursday, July 15, 2010

A Good Day

Back on track today

Stuck to my calorie allowance of 1300. Used 2 slimfast shakes as meal replacements *shudder* and drunk 1.5 litres.
Also did 50 squats and the run for week 6 day 1 of the c25k. To far a rub for Seths little legs and my sister is off early motorway driving to go to her graduation tomorrow, so couldn't run tonight. But still, I went. On my own!

The kids are driving me bonkers at the moment, and not eating to calm myself is proving really tricky. But I am sat here blogging and promising myself that for tonight, at least, I'm not quitting.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

week 98, instead of disappearing I'm standing still

and a STS according to the Wii. It only gives whole lb measurements, but by the BMI score I could see that I actually had a loss of .5lb this week. Teent but tilting the right way, and considering wheat bloat, fairly impressive!

Expecting a decent loss this week, back on plan and running on week 5/6 of the c25k now. Hope to have another 3+lb loss to see the 180s again :)

Monday, July 12, 2010


Have struggled over the weekend, not been on plan and determination crumbled at family BBQ today.

Still, I didn't go silly overboard. While I've eaten more than I should have - it's not been as bad as it could.

Also have kept on with running. Did week 5 day 2 today. Two 8min runs with 15 mins walking. My lower calves are stiff, but I am doing it. A bit nervous of the 20min run coming on Tuesday!!

Anyhow, back to the shakes tomorrow - and hoping for escaping being told off by the wii come Wednesday.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

week 97, week 2..

and another 4lbs off. Stepping firmly away from those 14 stones thankee very much.

Weight today 193lb - that's 29lb melted away. Plodding along quite nicely for now.

10 weeks until my holiday *yays* Am going to get a bit brave and set myself a goal to aim for. 25lbs between now and then. A steady 2.5 average a week is a good rate for me, something to work for without being out of reach.

That would take me to 169lb/12 stone 1, and an 'overweight' BMI, rather than an obese one. Works nicely I reckon. ^_^

At that weight I'm a curvy 14 (or I was last year) so last night I bought myself a new swimming cossie ready to hit the pool. I can't wear it as I am, looks terrible. So it's a great incentive!

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

day 13 - I'm not superstitious

Been AWOL over the weekend, but all is good diet-wise. Averaged about 1300cal/day over this week, which may be a touch on the low end, will see how weigh in goes tomorrow and adjust from there.

Feeling lots better already, back into some clothes that aren't joggers. I have 2 pairs of size 16s (sigh) I bought because I couldn't fit into anything - and I had thrown out everything over a 12 as I lost weight. When I couldn't even squish into them it became time to sort out the mess of the last year.

I am really enjoying the slimfast now, the plan and the ease of use more than the taste of the stuff!

Had a fun weekend, went to see the new Twilight film at the cinema. Planned for the day out and had saved 1500 calories up to 'spend' on lunch and munchies. Ended up eating a yummy mexicanchicken/3-bean pinto salad and granola with yoghurt for lunch and then buying a bar of Green and Blacks' Butterscotch (NOM) for munching through while gazing at sparkly vampires.

Also been doing a big clear out of the flat, really going through the scummy hidden corners and cleaning out. Can always tell how I'm doing with looking after myself by how I'm looking after our home..

Friday, July 02, 2010

back in the groove

Day 10 now, back on the wagon / in the saddle / out of the fridge / off the sofa. Feels comfy again, doable, livable. I like this feeling.

Am sat with the halflings in the garden as they eat their lunch, and I drink mine.

Thought I may as well try a shake flavour other than 'rich chocolate'. The chocolate one us tolerable, as long as you down in in one and try to pretend the powdery fake aftertaste of bleurgh is all in your imagination :/

It HAS to be blended, not shaken to mix. Shaken = a blobby, frothy, thin, lukewarm shake with bits of cloggy powder undissolved through it. *shudders at the memory*

The smell has been reminding me of the artificial formula milks the boys had as babies. Truly cringe worthy. Anyway, like I said, downed quickly the taste is tolerable. And as I shiver and recover from the overwhelming aftertaste I remind myself that these shakes are providing me with loads of Vitamins and Minerals for few calories, and that on attempting to follow the calorie plan without the shakes I felt hungry and suffered bad bouts of low blood sugar - very drowsy late afternoon. Couldn't drag myself out to run that day either.

So, back to point. Last night I suddenly realise that once I finish the 3 chocolate tubs, I have one each of strawberry and latte to use. What if they're worse???!! That means 12 days of nearly vomiting twice a day. Ugh.

So I figured I'd try one new flavour now, and spread the pain out. Lots of little static shocks instead of falling onto a live line..

Cafe Latte was a good way to start the day?

Well, it certainly smelt of latte - so I blended it up. Noticed that it blended FAR more easily than the chocolate, and stayed thick and shake like - promising.

Went to down it in one, and couldn't - it was too thick. Waited for nasty aftertaste and there was none. Just tasted like, well, latte. Win!

So now I'm enjoying my second latte of the day - iced. And seriously contemplating going back to my prekids diet of coffee for breakfast every day! ;)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Thursday, July 01, 2010

Coming out the other side the *right* way

so, things are still not okay. They won't be settled for at least another 2-3 months, and I'll share more once the dust is settled and I feel safe. The good news is we're all well, happy and in this together. ^_^

AND I did not binge. The urge to munch sugary baked stuff smothered in chocolate and caramel has faded anyway. Pretty fab. I also didn't binge in other ways (by spending money, or over exercising or doing some drastic body modification or any other manic/addict type behaviour).

How I coped:
  • I had a quiet ARGH here.
  • I then spoke to hubby.
  • I then went to visit my family and chatted it through with them.
  • I shared the news with a couple of good friends online and felt supported.
  • I ate good food, and kept hydrated.
  • I took the kids to the park.
  • I went for my run.
Simples. The advice I would give to anyone else in this situation. To talk it through lots and work through it/let out the negative emotions. To eat and drink well and get some air and exercise. To sit tight and let the strength of your human relationships pull you through.

And yes, I feel ok. The situation is ongoing, but my feelings of worry, stress, anger and sadness are resolved. Pretty fantastic. Even last year when I was doing brilliantly weight wise, my reactions to stress were nowhere near this healthy. Yay.

Today is a good day for feeling fresh and new and ready to tackle the bulge. There's half of 2010 left for the taking, and I know that I have the fire in my belly to grab this time and get healthy.

To enjoy moderate exercise in the form of running to get headspace and build strength in my body.
To eat well, to fuel my body with the things it needs to run well and efficiently.
To not be held captive by the effects of crappity eating, on my body, on my mental health and on my self esteem.

By losing around just over 2lbs a week, I will have a healthy BMI going into next year. That's awesome. The idea that my goal in 2011 could be to STAY healthy. Awesome.