Sunday, August 29, 2010

Yeh, yeh but you're drop dead gorgeous..

Whoop, did the last day of the AwesomeAugust challenge today. Biceps and Triceps curl with small weights and a 'quickie' 2.5k run. August has been awesome and I'm set to Shred September. At this rate I'll be looking good by December. In fact, I could go for being Drop Dead Gorgeous by December!The sentiment is nice, anyway.

With day 24 of activity complete today, I've finished my second project since recomitting myself 2 months ago. Two months of sticking to it has seen me melt 2 stone away. I've gone from *just* running 60 seconds to doing 5k every other day. From overeating to counting calories honestly. From fizzy drinks to 3.5litres of pure water every day.

I feel fantastic after two months. All I need to do now is maintain this current rhythm, and I'm winning all round. With under 40lbs to lose to hit a healthy BMI, I have my sights set on the New Year as a goal. 10lbs a month would see me go into 2011 'healthy' in every sense.

So Jess' challenge for overall health is *perfect* for me, and I'm excited to have another group of motivated bloggers to journey with.

Each Sunday I will be turning in my 'report' to Jess.
1. A photo of yourself with a self-motivational note.
2. Posting your weight is completely optional.
3. At least one but no more than five long-term goals.
4. One brag for the week.
5. One thing to improve upon for next week.

So, starting a week late (as DDGBD began last Sunday, but I promised myself one 'challenge' at a time while I refound my mojo) I'll post my first report here, as I think I'm late for deadline (never was good at handing in my homework)

'won't stop getting back on it'

(defense of the strop face - I asked Sam to take a pic and it was this, or deranged. We've seen enough of the lunatic-me, so emo-me is getting some face fringe time. The reason for my moping? Sam taking great pleasure in laughing at me; 'won't stop getting on what? *snigger* *click*'

Starting Weight: 179lbs - now 177lbs

Goals from now until December:
  1. Drink 3.5litres (14 glasses) of water a day.
  2. Complete 10k run.
  3. Complete 100 Pushup Challenge.
  4. Get back into size 10 clothes.
  5. Go out to socialise (that's me, not my kids) / email/phone someone *just* to be sociable every week - (this could be hard! I can tend to be a hermit).

ONE brag for the week: I went out running, in the rain. I was soaked to the bone but I ran my 5k anyway. I used to run to get IN from the rain, now I go out in the rain to run.
ONE thing to improve upon for next week: Getting myself showered and dressed before lunch every day, rather than focusing on kids and house and leaving self looking like a scarecrow!

September 5th. 

Saturday, August 28, 2010

What a difference a day 24 days make...

Did my push ups today, after getting in from a fun day spent visiting and chatting with a friend who is really being a huge support and inspiration in my bid to get healthy. She's just completed the c25k too and really spurred me on. She's now doing over 6k in sub-35 times!!!!

I have really changed my outlook on exercise. I used to see it as a chore I did to lose weight. Now it's more balanced. I exercise to be healthy and strong. It helps me lose weight, and losing weight means that the exercise I do is more efficient in making me healthy and strong. Yes, I want to be slim, I want to wear nice clothes. But as much as I want that, I want to be strong, I want to be fit.

On Thursday it was a wet day. We were stuck in and bored. The post came, bringing the shred DVD, weights AND the new Wii remotes and nunchuks we've needed. For ages now we've had just one 'working' remote, near death.

We played on Wii fit for the afternoon. Over the course of 6 hours I got 2.5hours of working out in. Yoga, muscle workouts as well as the 'fun stuff'. The kids really enjoyed watching, and were interested in learning about what specific exercises did. So that was my days activity, 622 calories and a Physical Ed lesson all squashed with one nunchuk.

Wednesday it was pissing it down, but I went out anyway, determined to at least try to run. I did my 5k, soaked to the bone and freezing after being pummelled by rain, and full body splashed by a double decker bus. I was out again Friday, despite being shattered and having done strength training.

Today's activity was day 23 of the challenge. Only one day is left now, so after my 5k tomorrow I'll have done it.I do feel awesome!

During the travelling today I walked for 90minutes at least, while carrying one, sometimes both, of the twins. As I was walking up the stairs at the train station on my way home, I remarked to E how out of breath I was. Just a few stairs and my respiratory system was working like it does towards the end of a 5k. I had Anya on my back, and carried Maya in arms up these stairs, and for, at most, 100 metres beforehand. That's an extra weight of 53lbs, a whole 2lb UNDER the weight I was in the summer of 2007. How did I let myself get so incredibly unfit??? Never, ever again.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

27 dresses 27 AND dresses

I have never really worn dresses. I've always LOVED how they look on others. Especially petite, spunky, impish girls. But not me. Nope. I was too big, couldn't pull of the look. Wouldn't work. Ugh, how I wish my head and body issues hadn't robbed me of dressing myself the way that this pixie chick should have been....

not pixie like at all. Nope.
So, realising that at 5'3" and once I reach a BMI of 22, a natural size 8 - I really should be classed as 'petite' by high street standards. (Well aware that I will always be 'fat' to the true fashionistas!) I am going to buy and wear (once I fit) what I would admire on other females of that build.

The year I live 27, I shall wear 27 dresses. Minus the drama (and hopefully the neon) of Katherine Heigls experience! I shall challenge myself to wear out 27 different dresses between 26/09/2010 and 25/09/2011. To be seen my people OTHER than immediate family, and to get photographic evidence. Will take really feeling confident and comfy in my skin to do it, definately outside my comfort zone. Part of my dads 'father of the bride' speech included a ha-ha about the shock of seeing me dressed like a girl. Only memories of me wearing a dress were limited to being a bridesmaid aged 5. Sam is always begging me to wear skirts/dresses, and part of my gift to him on our anniversary was me wearing a dress.. with leggings underneath!

To get the ball rolling I have bought myself a very girly dress to wear for my birthday in one months time.

I need to lose a good 3" to get that zipper up. It's going to be embarrassing wearing it out if I'm hanging out one side! I've no idea how much I need to lose to get into it, would guess it'll be around the mid 160s.

Game on!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

week 104

Week 104 - 2lb loss
45lb total loss

BMI - 31.4
Weight - 177lbs. 8lbs to holiday goal.

Not the 3-4lb loss I was heading for prior to our Anniversary dinner munching session - but a 2lb loss on a week where I have gone out and eaten a calorific 3 course pub meal, *with* drinks *and* lots of dairy *and* wheat *and* my favourite chocolate with a movie later the same day, is a HUGE loss I think!

Drank 98 glasses of water, just over target of 95. Am pleased with how easily I am drinking 3.5 litres (14 glasses) a day now! 632 minutes (10.5 hrs) walking, 114 minutes (15.5k) running, 40 mins Wii fit (finally) and 123 pushups. 

Was aiming for 1600 calories a day, and eating any extra I burned through exercise too, so really eating around 2,000 a day. (Got to love breastfeeding for weight control!) That seemed plenty, no room for silliness, but not leaving me hungry/tetchy.  Until the blowout that was Monday! Averaged over the week I had 2110 calories a day, leaving a 1750 deficit for the week. Should mean a 1/2lb loss, got 2lb. Happy, happy.

Of course, it's totally possible that the girls fed more than the 500 or so calories a day I've allowed on MyFitnessPal , or that the walking I don't factor in is actually 'worth' a lot more, or that I overestimated how many calories was in the food I ate (or how much I ate) while out.

There's just over 2 weeks now until our break, and the Muse stadium gigs. Only 9 weeks ago I had 2.5 stone (35lbs) to lose to no longer be obese. Now there's just 8lbs left. I've been losing at an average of 3lbs a week, just need to step it up a tiny bit to make my goal to be fit enough to enjoy Muse two nights in a row, and to shift enough flab to fit into my togs to be able to get into the pool for a weeks worth of swimming! 

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

August has been Awesome, September will be shredded.

There's just a week to go, and August will be done. I'm 3/4 of the way through completing the 24 days of activity for Awesome August. I have enjoyed the challenge, and some days having it at the back of my mind has been the extra push I needed to get out and run, or do some strength training. My body is so much fitter than it was even a month ago. It truly feels awesome. So thankyou HealthyLoserGal!

I'm finding that I feel well settled back into the groove of getting healthy. The eating is OK, and the exercise, really like never before I am priotising as highly as the eating. This time it's not simply about getting smaller. It's about getting well. Fit, healthy and able to USE my smaller body.

I'm ready for more challenges, more to push me forwards, further. Who springs to mind when I think of pushing further.. ack. Hey there Jillian. 0_0 Who called you?

The 30 day shred. You know the drill. Workout every day, for 2 minutes, for 30 days. Nearly die. Every day. For 20 minutes. At the end of 30 days feel like She-Ra. At least that's what I've been led to believe.

I started the shred last summer. Naturally, being the flake I am was, I did not finish. I got 33-50% of the way through and stopped. No-one seemed to care, or notice. All was fine, I told myself I'd pick it back up when I had time/space/needed to kickstart weightloss. The idea of becoming stronger didn't grab me.

But now it does. And so when Syl said "come on, I know you want to", I had to hold myself back from jumping out of my seat and sending sleeping toddlers into orbit.

I've bought the dvd (because my old copy only worked on my laptop and, er, died) and a pair of hand weights. I am READY to be shredded.

September 1st I will be taking my measurements and a photo, and posting them here. Every 10 days I'll move up a level, and post a new picture. At the end of the month I will re-measure and see how much of me was shredded over the 30 days.

Monday, August 23, 2010

7 years, 8 stones.

I've been married to my husbeast. 7 mad, wonderful, chaotic years of growing up, having our babies and eating too much!

As a surprise, Sam had taken today off, and arranged with my parents for us to have 4 hours child-free!! For the first time since we've been parents, we went out together. Alone.

Went for a 3 course meal, with grown up messy starters, mains with sizzling pork and curried King Prawns and big ice cream desserts. Followed by Baileys Lattes and a giggly drunk shop at the supermarket to get some food in for the childrens' dinner.

This is the first year we've really celebrated our anniversary as a couple, and it was LOVELY. Really enjoyed having Sam to myself, though we were both ready to see the halflings when our coach turned back into a pumpkin.

We both went WAY over calories today, (though I ran tonight to try and melt some of it) but it's well and truly a one off. AND we both tracked the calories. Sam has a week to claw back the extra 3,500 (!!!!!) he consumed. I went over by a lot less, and even without saving any more tomorrow I'm under 2,000 a day over the week. But with 10lbs to lose in 3 weeks, and weigh-in due in 36hours, it's a bit close for comfort!

Was working out our weights earlier, and we are both now more than 4 stone (60lbs) heavier than on our wedding day. (Sam was around 14'10, I was 8'10). We both have BMI of 31.7 now.

Would say we are definately a couple effected by each others healthy habits (or lack of). I hadn't realised how unfit Sam had become, though I teased him about going to the gym. Only watching him get breathless walking up the (admittedly fairly steep and mile long) hill today did I realise that his cardiovascular fitness was as bad as mine had been a few weeks ago. No way I will convince him to run, but I think I need to really encourage him to visit the gym every other day on the way home to use their cross trainer!

Two months ago I walked home from my parents and realised I was struggling on the final bend at the top of the hill. Today I could giggle, mock Hubby and run backwards without my breathing being affected. Result!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

My Yeti, the abdominal-grow-man

Week 1 (aug 15) - 273
Week 2 (aug 22) - 267

Sam has been overweight for as long as I have. Though I've always known he's been too big, I hadn't really paid attention to it since we got married. Just being tall makes it less obvious, or I was just as pig ignorant of the changes in his body as he was those that went on in mine.

Before our wedding he dropped around 50lbs by calorie counting. Followed weightwatchers with me after we lost our first baby and got to his goal again. Since then though he's declined any offers to join me in losing weight. Until now.

All of his trousers are too small. He'd thought his suit trousers were too big as they were falling down, and assumed they were a 38. Turns out they are 42 and not fitting over his gut. Measured his waist last Sunday and it was 46". That convinced him to get on the Wii. He thought he was 18 stone (252lbs) I thought closer to 20 (280).

Weighed in at 19st 7lb (273lb) at 6ft 4.5" that is a BMI of 32.8. Higher than mine! That shocked him. He needs to be 14 stone 12lb (208lbs) to be at the top end of a 'healthy' BMI. 65lbs to lose, over 20% of his body weight.

After a week of counting calories (or letting me count/weigh/measure every thing he eats) he weighed in today at 267lb. Down 6lb in a week, and eating 1900 calories a day. His waist is down to 43" already. Very pleased to have him join me in my our quest to give our kids, and each other, a healthy, happy family.

Friday, August 20, 2010

5k inside 35 minutes :)

Haven't done that since I was 15. Strike that, I think at 15 it took me 35 minutes. Tonight I ran my 5k, and I pushed harder, *believed* that I could increase my stride, just a little, and I did. I did the first km in under 5 minutes, and felt fine, not breathless at all. Really, totally awesome. I felt quite bouncy and happy most of the run. Hit an 'eek' couple of minutes about halfway, but decided to push and run faster, and soon was through it.

Had a couple of giggly moments too. At one point I had 'Dog Days' playing, and as I ran the length of the horses field I had Florence blaring at me 
The horses are comin' so you better run

Run fast for your mother; run fast for your father /

Run for your children all your sisters and brothers /
Leave all your love and your longing behind.
You can't carry it with you / if you want to survive

The dog days are over

The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses
'Cos here they come

Then on the way back I was wondering if I'd actually manage to hit 5k in under 35mins. I'd just had my 3k feedback at nearly 21 minutes, so it was going to be close, but attainable if I really went for it. I want to run faster, but I'm just not sure that it's possible for me yet.

Then I saw this in a shop window -

So I stopped daydreaming, told myself I could do it.. and I did. 5.05k in 34.41. ^_^

Thursday, August 19, 2010

week 103 - the day the earth scale stood still

Week 102 - maintain
43lb total loss

BMI - 31.8
Weight - 179lbs. 10lbs to holiday goal.

So, yes. Eat the calories to 'maintain' and you will maintain.

Actually, after a 4lb loss the week previously, and just eating how I wanted.. it's a bloody good result. I haven't been 'careful' with my eating, but aware, and honest. I haven't been pushing myself on the exercise front, but have kept active. I had a hard week, and instead of pushing against it until it broke me, or being swept away, I found a solid footing and held firm until the winds stopped howling.

I'm really very happy. I think I've been rational, dare I say it? I've been moderate in my approach this week. In my thinking, eating and behaviour. Madness.

So, 10lbs to lose in 3 weeks now. It's tight. I can do it. I know in my gut I can.

Oh, also. Got the kids on the Wii to measure them all last week. Found that Rhino-boy (Kai) weighs 43lbs. So I've lost the equivalent weight of my uber-solid 3.5 year old. Will have to do a photo of us both sharpish.

And.. Sam has started a diet. Using myfitnesspal to track his calories. He weighed in Sunday and felt a bit shocked at the result, so is eating what I give him and nothing else. It's mega task tracking my food, and his whilst cooking for him twice a day (he eats seperately to us, as he gets in around 7.30-8pm, too late for the kids to wait for their evening meal, and I also prepare him his lunch for the next day as I do the childrens dinner). Worth it though. He'd lost 2" from his waist in the first 48 hours!! His weigh in day is Sunday, so I'll update how he's done in his first week then. He has a decent amount to shift, but he's always been an easy on/easy off type. *growl*

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

hitting the wall

pointless, painful, and leaves grazes that sting for days after you've stepped aside and walked around the wall, rather than attempting to beat it into submission.

That's how this week has felt. Really looking forward to weigh in tomorrow, not because I expect to see anything pleasing, but because I want a fresh week to get on with.

I've spent the week feeling dazed and confused, not on plan with my calories, not plotting my eating for the day. Deciding at the last minute to go for a run. Eating way too much chocolate, grazing on a few wheaty nibbles here and there, and occasionally thinking 'ah, today is sunk anyways, I'll just have xxx anyway' UGH.

After completing c25k last Thursday, I didn't run again until Sunday evening. Managed 12 minutes and then couldn't make myself go anymore. So I stopped 0_0 and walked. Took myself back out last night, determined to get a grip and run. Managed 5.2k in 39 minutes. Struggled, but did it. Did pushups week 2 day 1 on Friday morning, then no more until tonight. The weekend - Friday midday until late Monday was a washout, eating lots, sitting lots, moving little. The only thing I did 'right' was drink my water. Last night I realised I'd still got 12 days of activity to do this month for the august challenge, and 15 days left to do them, I needed to stop being all emo and get back on track, pronto (so thanks HealthyLoserGal).

Anyway, over now. I've planned a run tomorrow, am going to do 5k every other night for the 2-3 weeks my sister is away. Hopefully get my time closer to 30mins by then.

Drank 101 glasses of water this week (target according to app was 95), 425 minutes walking, 82 minutes running and 102 pushups. I ate an average of 2318 calories a day, oops! To maintain, according to myfitness app, I would expect to eat 2360 a day though. And by their calculations at 1860 a day I'd lose 1lb a week. I've been losing 3lb at that rate, so hoping I will get a sts.

Going to aim for higher calories next week. As 1360 is too low I feel, leadsing me to overeat. If I aim for 1600 I hope to stay within my calories each day, without getting silly hungry and going OTT.

My hands are grazed, but I'm walking around the wall, and ready to sprint as far as I can, or until I reach the next one!

It's not forever, just for the rest of my life..

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Give blood, eat a free bar of Green&Blacks.

I still had to pay for it at the till, but apparently the calories are a freebie.

Have struggled to not go on a bad, mad eating spree over the last 48hours. Finally feeling it shifting now, after a migraine that got drugged in time last night. Must be ovulation time for me, would mean my cycles are settling I guess.

Friday evening I went to donate blood for the first time since University. Stopped at the co-op on the way and grabbed myself a big 100g bar of Almond G&Bs while there (how evil are they to have stocked my 2nd favourite flavour, grr) as I knew the NHS vampire service would be wanting to see me eat post-bloodletting, but only be offering snacks of wheat laden biscuits.

Was only after Seth asked whether taking my blood meant they were taking my 'power and energy' that I wondered about the caloric values of blood-making. Thought about how much energy it would take for my body to replenish the plasma, cell count etc. So I did what any self-respecting internetaholic would do and grabbed my phone to google it, while on the gurney. According to a lot of yahoo answers type threads, donating a unit means burning an 'extra' 600-650 cals in the following days as the body replaces it. Sweet.

Felt a little happier laying on the bed with the stint pulling the blood out my arm, knowing that I was burning 100cals every one of those 6 minutes. That's waaaay more efficient than running.

Seriously though, tucking into that chocolate was good. I'm looking at around 1700-1800 cals a day this week, feeling hungry on much less but worry that I won't have a loss come Wednesday.

Attempted a run tonight, but was lagging. After the first 2km I had to stop, and instead walked an extra 5km. My head feels woozy still, so I assume the migraine is still there, hoping to jump me as soon as I let my guard down. Not going anywhere without my codeine now!

Friday, August 13, 2010

farewell Ms. Procrastinator-pants

because last night I finished the graduation run for c25k. Pace was up to 7:11min a km, and I don't think I was pulling a Phoebe, so all good.

Very almost didn't go. I hadn't run on Wednesday as I took my parents dog for a 5mile walk instead (dad is away camping, mum dislikes walking the dog as he's not trained to her standards.) I knew I had to go last night, as I'm donating blood today, and didn't want to wait until Saturday to do the final run.

We went over to my mother-in-laws for the afternoon though, played in the sandy park all afternoon, and spent 3.5 hours walking/on public transport getting there and back. By the time we got in and the kids were fed it was 10pm.

Posted an 'ugh I CBA' status onto facebook, then pulled myself together and my trainers on and got out the door. Once I was running I felt good. It felt easier again, like I was pushing myself, but the resistance wasn't so furious. Had a panic when 10mins into the run I glanced at my GPS and saw I had only just managed .97. Figured it was glitchy, but then at around 18mins I looked again, and it was at 1.7. Really felt awful then, as I was sweaty and, I thought, moving at a decent pace - for me anyway.

Was only with 5 minutes to go that I saw my pace was nearly 6mph, and I realised the settings were still on imperial from editing my weight. *huge sigh of relief* .97 of a MILE in 10mins is far better!!

So, going to do 5k next time, and look forward to getting my speed improved even further, without resorting to the Pheebs method. (Though I will still use it for chasing the Halflings around the park!!)

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

week 102 - back over 3 stone loss (halfway to healthy)

Week 102 - 4lb loss 
43lb total loss

BMI - 31.8
Weight - 179lbs. 10lbs to holiday goal.

Back in the 12 stones/170s, whew. All the weight that I had gained over the last 9 months gone. In 7 weeks. Am I pleased that I decided to get back up? Oh yeah. Pleased enough to upload a video of me doing the victory dance? Not quite yet, no. 

Back over the halfway point of the 81lbs between morbidly obese and healthy.. 38lbs left until my bmi is under 25. 

Last week I realised I had a couple of milestones coming up -

Have a couple of goals in grasping distance.
  • 3lbs to be back in the 170s, and my favourite 'big' jeans.
  • 5lbs to reach my 20% loss goal.
Wonder if I can hit those this week?

 I did shift 4lbs. Back in the 170s, and so I *should* be able to fit back into my 'favourite big jeans' They are an Australian 16, and were on an 18 hanger in TKMaxx when I found them back in 2005. Not knowing that was wrong, or that I wasn't even going to fit an 18 by that point I bought them.

Knowing that I finally did fit into them last year, during the time I was in the 160-70lbs range, and that my hips are back to a 44. I thought I'd try and get them on.

Yay! So happy to be getting back into clothes I like wearing, that feel good on, rather than just something to cover up my body. Am looking forward to starting a 'too skinny for these togs' bag fot charity later on, and watching it bulge over the coming weeks as I don't!

So, next week, want to lose more than 1lb, but even then I'll be celebrating reaching 20% bodyweight loss!

legs of a runner, arms of a...

runner. Yeah. Not really getting much attention, my upper body. At least it wasn't until this week.

Since I can only run every other day, and I already walk a fair bit, I needed another exercise to do on my between run days for the Awesome August challenge.

So, I've restarted the hundred pushups challenge, and completed week one earlier today. My upper body ached on Sunday night, kicking in from the first lot of pushups. Did a total of 108 pushups over the 3 days, another 5 weeks and I might will be doing that many in a row. Should make my swim-speed a bit more impressive at Center Parcs!

I've noticed my leg muscles looking, well, more muscle-y in recent weeks, hope I can see changes in my arms soon too. Even at healthy weight I've always wanted more toned upper arms. Hopefully now I'm actually doing the work, I will finally get them.

So far I've exercised 9/10 days. Well on my way to achieving my goal for the month.

Aside from my exercising, I've had a decent enough week. Drank 104 glasses of water (26 litres) over the week, my aim was 98. I've run 12k. I've walked several hours. I've stayed wheat free. I've had an average net daily intake of 1790 calories. Higher than I wanted, lower than last week. I am hoping for a loss anyway. Think the twins are taking a fair few calories to feed still!

Weighed the halflings on the Wii earlier, and saw that they have all gained a lb each in the last month or so. The boys have both grown an inch too.

The twins are now both around 27lbs, nicely inside their BMI zones. I really hope that they are able to stay there. To be obese/overweight as a child must make losing weight as an adult even harder. If it's all you'd ever known, how would you know what you were aiming for?

If I can go a lb further than hitting my goal of 169 and an 'overweight' BMI by September, I'll have lost 54lbs from my Sept 2008 start weight. That's now the equivalent weight of my daughters. To walk into the pool holding them on each hip, rather than waddle in with the equivalent flab around each hip, will be a fantastic victory.

This isn't forever, just for the rest of my life...

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

changing gear

One run left and I'll have completed the c25k. I am really, thoroughly chuffed about it. Is giving me something huge, in being able to see my body in a positive light. While I am fat and flabby, after a run I feel differently about myself. In my mind I see a fit, healthy, strong me.

During a run, on the other hand..

Constant dialogue runs through my head, despite my ipod being turned up so far my eardrums are doing their own Zumba class.

I try desperately to think of anything but running, to imagine I'm off somewhere else, hoping that miles of tarmac will pass underfoot, unnoticed.

It starts with me thinking about the state of the pavement
'Oh, it's rained, don't slip into traffic. That would be embarrassing. Can imagine the headline "local obese woman dies while running jogging attempting exercise" Oh.'
'Don't stand on the snails.. I wonder how fast snails actually move, proportionally. Am I *actually* even going faster, once you get me to scale? How depressing.' crunch 'Oops. Well. I'm the faster one now, for sure..'
'Oh good, we're at the horse field already. Ugh. Horse shit. Oh, agh. Really, don't slip in the horse shit and land under a car. That would be even worse.. "Shit covered local obese woman..."'
'Right, stop thinking about running, or death. One I am doing, one I'm not. End of subject. Think of how many calories I'm burning. Must get extra for the amount my arse is jiggling. I could probably literally wobble the fat off if I went fast enough. Ugh, I hope I get faster when I'm lighter. I wonder what the relational rate of weightloss/speed is? Would be awesome to know. 4 stone to lose still, if my kpm got a minute faster per stone I could run 5k in 20mins? Hmm, maybe not.'
'Oh yuck, takeaway food smell. Really would be easier if I wasn't gulping lungfuls of exhaust fumes, secondhand smoke and chip fat while running. Blugh.'
'Seriously, HOW many people are getting takeaway tonight? It's Monday. I've seen no-one else running, 3 people walking, everyone else in cars/buses/waiting for food. No wonder we're all getting flabby, people will be driving to fetch their takeaway soon. Egads, they are!'
 Seriously, I passed 3 Curry houses, 2 chipshops, a kebab house, a Chinese, a fried chicken place, a Bangladesh restaurant, a sandwich shop, a coffee/bakery and a greasy spoon on my run last night. 12 takeaway vendors inside less than a mile.

The good thing, was that for all that my body didn't want to be running, I wanted to be eating in one of those places less. That's some real change of mindset for me.

Sunday, August 08, 2010

One hour left

until I finish the c25k program.
Pretty huge stuff for me, ms never-finish-what-she-starts. That I have gone out every other night for just under 2 months and run. That's a big achievement, a huge change of mindset, and really pushing myself.

I'm then going to run 5k every other night until I am doing it in under 35minutes. I've also got the bridge to 10k app to start. It's a 6 week program, will most likely start it mid September. I know my sister/running buddy wants to do it too, and she's away for 3 weeks now, so will wait for her to be around before beginning.

Today I took firstborn to the cheapy KidsAM showing of the Tooth Fairy. He loved it, and I loved my treat of a Green & Blacks bar, nom. Did a bit of shopping after, worked out we walked about 7 miles over 3 hours. More than earned the calories for my choccy bar.

This evening I (re)started the 100PushUps challenge. Um, ouch. Went with the middle column and was glad I chose not to push for the 3rd one!! Really want to build muscle in my arms to have toned limbs rather than pale flabby appendages.

Tomorrow the twins and I are off to Detling campsite where my sister, her boyfriend and my brother are camping. Have planned and packed my food for the day, and baked cakes (wheat flour, I won't be tempted) to take to the poor tent-dwellers!

Really beginning to enjoy creating/doing stuff again. For the first time in ages, I have the energy to just have fun. Making those cakes was fun, I may not be any good at it, but I enjoy it. And don't scoff it all after.

Saturday, August 07, 2010

Measuring the change

0 4 12 24 33 45 95 101
bust 50 49 46 44 42 39 48 43.5
waist  48 41 40 36 32 30.5 42 35
hips 49 46 45 42 39 38.5 47 44
upperarm 15 14 13.5 12 12 11.5 14 12.5
thigh 29 27 26 24 22 21 26.5 24.5
weight 222 206 195.5 173.5 157 152 204 183

Did my measurements today, very relieved to see the change from six weeks back. 4.5" off my boobs, 3" from my hips and 7 inches from my flabby tum!! Arms and legs are melting again too. Have got my curvy shape back as well, rather than the tied up sausage look of June. Going to keep that tape measure in action over the coming months - will try to remember to measure myself the first weigh in of each month.

Friday, August 06, 2010

past the dreaming

It is so easy to spend energy thinking about where I could be now had I stayed the course. Browsing my posts from a year ago I can see what I should have done. I look at my kitchen calendar, which has numbers written and struck-through, estimates of the weight I should be at this point had my 'restart' in January been successful. I look at other bloggers who I was following last summer, many of whom have dropped significant amounts in the last year. and wish I had acted differently.

Getting the summer clothes out for the kids in May, I could see the clothing I wore last year, and knew would now not fit. In pictures I look good. Happy, healthy. I wonder why I was racing so hard to hit goal at 25, and instead have 'wasted' 26 being obese.


I have to move past wishing the past was different. Rather than waiting to be xxx weight to do things, I am going to do them. To get out and do the things I'm witholding for myself as punishment for being fat. I am *not* 'being' fat anymore, my bodyshape is just taking time to reflect who I am now, but it will soon enough. I am going to go to gigs and dance, going to go to baby dolphins with the twins, going to donate blood and not worry that I'm being judged for my size - they want my platelets not my bmi score!

I won't wish that I could be healthy, I am being, I am running. I am drinking my water. I am eating good foods and counting calories. My body is responding - I am fat. I am healthy. I am in better health now than I was 40lbs lighter last year.

I have to stop moping, wishing I had the willpower to see things through, that I could 'do it' - I am doing - I am losing the weight. I am getting stronger. I have completed the water challenge. I have lost 21lbs since June. I am running. 5k in 39 minutes on Monday, 4k in 28minutes on Wednesday. Tonight we begin the final week of c25k. I will have finished the program, *while obese* That IS doing.

I can beat myself up for all I've done wrong.. and go the same way I did in September, or October or December. I still hadn't really learned by January though I did well for a time, the obsessive 'all or nothing' thinking was back by February and I was headed for my biggest period of weight gain since 2007.

I need to stop looking at what I'm doing wrong and sulking, I need to stop setting ridiculous goals for myself. I should appreciate where I'm doing well, keep doing it until it's second nature. Small, slow, subtle changes that are going to be maintained long term.

... like the h2o.

It's not forever, just for the rest of my life.

passing on good habits

The PEWC 'officially' ended at the start of this week, but as I was late to the party, my day 21 was yesterday.

Have enjoyed using the water my body app this week, and hit my daily target of 3.5 litres (14 glasses) every day. The app rewarded me with an 'A' grade each day, and a bronze trophy for hitting 'A' 7 times. A bit odd, but whatever. If I can keep up my water consumption like this for another 3 weeks I'll get a silver one.

I do feel like my body is now used to water as a drink, I've completely eliminated the sweetened cordials and fizzy drinks from my diet and now drink pure water and the very occasional tea. *scuttles off to polish halo*....

Am going to continue tracking my h2o, using the app - I should be back to brag about my silver trophy in 23 days.

A great side effect to this challenge has been that my eldest took interest in my new water bottle, after explaining I was drinking more water, and why, he asked for one too. He'd always been happy with water as a toddler, but after we started buying juice as the boys got older, he moved away from drinking it. With his funky new bottle as motivation (cos he can only have water in it) he's been drinking between 700-1000ml a day, well on target for his 51lb frame!  And he thinks it's cool too, so yeah. Pretty awesome.

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

the week the 180s get put in room 101?

Week 101 - 3lb loss 
39lb total loss

BMI - 32.4
Weight - 183lbs. 15lbs to holiday goal.

So, a 3lb loss this week despite eating just under 2000 cals a day. The girls are definately still some of my best tools for weight loss, am going to miss their help once they wean!

Have a couple of goals in grasping distance.
  • 3lbs to be back in the 170s, and my favourite 'big' jeans.
  • 5lbs to reach my 20% loss goal.
Wonder if I can hit those this week?

Another 5 weeks until the holiday deadline, and 14lbs to reach my goal. I have to push, it's still well within reach and even though I will be overweight still, I'll feel so fantastic knowing that I'm healthy, and my body is heading the 'right' way. I'm determined to take the twins in the baby dolphins pool. I took a picture of myself in a swimsuit a month ago, at 193lbs. I'm 10lbs down from there now, and can see a difference, another 15lbs will be awesome! If I'm brave enough (or can see change enough to feel it's worth doing, I'll post the pics in a months time!)

I am trying to be more mindful during this time of losing weight than I was last year. I did not really take time to try accepting and feeling comfortable in my body each week. I remember still thinking of myself as 'fat' 'flabby' 'overweight' last summer. I was entirely focused on what the scales showed, the label in my clothing. While I am still going to be thrilled when my weight is at goal, and I'm back in 'small', I am determined to be careful that in striving for the ultimate size goal, I'm not losing focus on the important stuff - self-image, happiness and health.

So yes, I am 183lbs.

I first hit this weight in January last year, and I felt good about it, my goals were in reach and people were noticing that I'd lost serious poundage. Then in February this year I hit it again, after losing 10lbs my first week back at WeightWatchers.

I am in size 16 (uk) and my waist measures the same as my hips did pre-kids. I am 'obese' and weigh 42lbs over the maximum I ought to to be 'healthy'.
I can run. 5km! In February I had just managed week 1 of the c25k plan, and running 40 seconds at a time had my heart pumping. Now, at the same weight I can run for 40 minutes. My waist is 35", when I hit this weight last year it was closer to 40". My core is stronger and my body is being made stronger, not just slimmer. I have lost 40lbs of weight, and I know I've gained lean muscle, I am a fat-blasting machine.

where there's smoke...

Had a bit of an odd day, not a bad one. Food and everything have been fine, easy really.

We had intented to go for a walk with the halflings to Sainsburys and back, a 2 mile walk, plus whatever mooching we do instore. Instead I spent the afternoon de-smoking the flat after Seth made fire toast during the twins nap. By the time I could see the way to the kitchen, and had made lunch, it was 4pm.

So instead I baked myself wheat free, chocolate espresso loaf cake (nom) and gave the blog a makeover. I did do my walk, for the Awesome August challenge and drank my water. So all good.

Looking forward to weighing in, and starting a fresh blemish free week. Totted up my weeks calories, and I've taken in an average of 1932 a day. So will look forward to the results of the week come tomorrow!

Monday, August 02, 2010

Sometimes a sneaky peek is good for the soul

or the sole, or both.

I've had nearly a week of eating really off plan, ridiculous amounts. I was pretty sure that I'd gain this week. Part of me was working out that even though I'd gone over the calories that I had planned to eat I was still well under 2,000, per day for the week if I spread them over the week and stay on target now. I'd cut back on wheat, done a lot of exercise, been drinking lots of water.. and I'm breastfeeding twins.

So by sticking to planned calories for the next 2 days, it'd work out as an average of around 1900 a day. I should be losing weight at that rate, even if it was a teeny bit. Plus, of course, my period has just finished, so any bloat would be gone too - I put on 2-3 lbs on Tuesday last week.

So yer, I thought 'OK, I'm gonna jump on the Wii this morning and see where I stand now' .. even if I had gained, I had 2 days until my 'official' weekly weigh in, and I can make amends.

A clean slate - so that I could stop trying to claw back calories and get back on track. I'd worked out that I had a deficit of 400 calories over the rest of the week, if I wanted to be 'on track'. It was just ridiculous.

The bulimia kicked in, I was going to live on water and apples. And exercise enough that I made up the deficit. I have been doing it, for 2-3 days, but last night I decided that it was stupid, because I was beginning to really hurt and didn't think I'd be able to run tonight if I didn't eat.

Healthy me won out over the fat/bulimic me. I got on the Wii and saw that actually I'd lost 3-4lbs since I last got on it last week and I'm down to 182lbs and a BMI of 32.5.

So then I was trying to work out how many lbs of weight made up a BMI point for me. And I worked out I've got another 13lbs to lose now, until I hit just under 30 (BMI). So for me I'm guessing that about 5lbs of weight is a BMI point. Which is insane, because 5lbs is, really, it's a very small amount of weight. For somebody my size anyway, or the size I have been. 5lbs, if I lost that in my first week of dieting I'd be cross. But it's one whole BMI point. And that, that makes a difference to my health. Those points make a huge difference, each one I've noticed as I've gone down (and up, and down) them, I feel completely different at each one.

Thing is, if the scales had shown a 2lb gain, (*just* a 5lb difference), I would now be thinking of ways to starve myself, to punish myself, thinking I am a failure, too fat, no way I can make these changes, I'd ruined my holiday and chance of enjoying Muse.. it's just bizarre, the way my head works. The difference that 'teeny' 5lbs can make on how I see this entire process, is scary.

So I've now got 13 lbs to go to being overweight. I've got 40 days to do it, and I know I can. Which is brilliant. Then only another 8 points to go to a healthy BMI. It's doable, I know I can do it. Seeing that result today has given me renewed energy. I know I've got this.

Feeling good, I stuck to my calories all day.

Was due to do week 8 day 2 of the c25k today, but late afternoon got a text from my sister and running buddy saying she'd spent 3 hours swimming and was lagging. So I told her to rest up, and I'd go alone. I needed to run, couldn't take the second day of the month as a day off my challenge, with only 6 rest days to use I need to save them for emergencies!

I set off with Florence blaring in my ears, and had the c25k app running underneath iMapMyRun, (I love the new OS4, Apple) as I fancied trying a new route and seeing how the distance worked. When the dude said at 28 minutes to stop running I didn't want to, and looking at the stats on the GPS realised that keeping pace I could make 5k inside 40 minutes, providing I had the stamina to run the extra 12 minutes on top of what I had planned to do.

 I felt good, I was feeling confident after the surprise earlier in the day, and had eaten properly. So I did, and it felt good! I am 40lbs overweight, and couldn't run 60 seconds without real pain 6 weeks ago, am a bit awed at what the human body can cope with.

GPS cut out a couple of times, but the complete circuit is 5.01k, and I ran that in 39.11. ^_^

Sunday, August 01, 2010

August Challenge

I had assumed that I would be at goal by the end of last summer. That was a mistake, I let things slide and have spent an extra year trapped by my bad habits. Over this summer though, I have slowly been changing. One big difference has been my attitude to activity.

I have done alright these last 6 weeks, but now I have just over a month before my holiday, and I want every day to count. To really see a big difference inside 12 weeks would be awesome. I had 35lbs to lose to get to my goal, I've shifted 18 so I'm right on track!

Now I am realising losing weight  can be achieved just by eating less, but getting healthy and slim needs a little more. Regular exercise and proper hydration are vital. The PEWC is helping me with the hydration, now hopefully HealthyLoserGals August challenge will keep the fire burning for my activity levels!

Of the 31 days of August, I commit to exercise 24 of those days.

1 - 4 miles hill walk
2 - 5k run!
3 - 90 minutes walk
4 - c25k w8d3
5 - 150 minutes walk (7 miles)
6 - c25k w9d1
7 - 180 minutes walk & w1d1 of the 100PU challenge

8 - c25k w9d2 & w1d2 100PU
9 - w1d3 100PU
10 - 90 minute dog walk - 4.8 miles
11 - c25k w9d3!!
12 - w2d1 100PU

13 - 5.2k run
14 - w2d2 100PU
15 - w2d3 100PU
16 - 5k run (sub 35mins!)
17 - 5k run

18 - 5.34k run
19 - w3d1 100PU & 40 mins Wii fit
20 - 5k run
21 - 2.5 hours Wii Fit
22 - 5k run & 80 reps with hand weights
23 - w3d2 100PU & walk with between 30-55lbs of baby weight for 90mins
24 - 2.5k run & 144 reps with weights.