Tuesday, August 10, 2010

changing gear

One run left and I'll have completed the c25k. I am really, thoroughly chuffed about it. Is giving me something huge, in being able to see my body in a positive light. While I am fat and flabby, after a run I feel differently about myself. In my mind I see a fit, healthy, strong me.

During a run, on the other hand..

Constant dialogue runs through my head, despite my ipod being turned up so far my eardrums are doing their own Zumba class.

I try desperately to think of anything but running, to imagine I'm off somewhere else, hoping that miles of tarmac will pass underfoot, unnoticed.

It starts with me thinking about the state of the pavement
'Oh, it's rained, don't slip into traffic. That would be embarrassing. Can imagine the headline "local obese woman dies while running jogging attempting exercise" Oh.'
'Don't stand on the snails.. I wonder how fast snails actually move, proportionally. Am I *actually* even going faster, once you get me to scale? How depressing.' crunch 'Oops. Well. I'm the faster one now, for sure..'
'Oh good, we're at the horse field already. Ugh. Horse shit. Oh, agh. Really, don't slip in the horse shit and land under a car. That would be even worse.. "Shit covered local obese woman..."'
'Right, stop thinking about running, or death. One I am doing, one I'm not. End of subject. Think of how many calories I'm burning. Must get extra for the amount my arse is jiggling. I could probably literally wobble the fat off if I went fast enough. Ugh, I hope I get faster when I'm lighter. I wonder what the relational rate of weightloss/speed is? Would be awesome to know. 4 stone to lose still, if my kpm got a minute faster per stone I could run 5k in 20mins? Hmm, maybe not.'
'Oh yuck, takeaway food smell. Really would be easier if I wasn't gulping lungfuls of exhaust fumes, secondhand smoke and chip fat while running. Blugh.'
'Seriously, HOW many people are getting takeaway tonight? It's Monday. I've seen no-one else running, 3 people walking, everyone else in cars/buses/waiting for food. No wonder we're all getting flabby, people will be driving to fetch their takeaway soon. Egads, they are!'
 Seriously, I passed 3 Curry houses, 2 chipshops, a kebab house, a Chinese, a fried chicken place, a Bangladesh restaurant, a sandwich shop, a coffee/bakery and a greasy spoon on my run last night. 12 takeaway vendors inside less than a mile.

The good thing, was that for all that my body didn't want to be running, I wanted to be eating in one of those places less. That's some real change of mindset for me.


  1. oh, you must be so proud of yourself Joy! That's amazing news!!! Well done :)
    I so absolutely admire your perseverance and am sure you'll be seeing great results in no time.
    Love the little inner dialogue you've got going, totally reminds me of the voices inside my head :D

  2. Your inner dialogue had me giggling here Joy :) I wish I had you to run with!
    I was thinking just last night about what to think of when running, not thinking about running helps for sure, but I find it hard thinking of other things! Taking a different (more interesting) route yesterday helped.

    And your speed is wowza compared to mine - you're covering more distance in the same time anyhow :) I tracked my route today and am now panicking about being able to run 5k before my birthday like I wanted to!

  3. LOL Sara. Thankyou :)

    Would be wicked to run together Elaine! I'm covering just over 4k in 30mins at the moment. Did 5k in 39mins last week. It honestly felt OK. I think once I get through the first 20mins, I'm good! Sure that you will manage it ^_^

  4. I mapped it out that I didn't do that well, but just redid it realising that I'd missed a bit and workd out that I did 4k yesterday in about 28 minutes - maybe I'm not so bad after all!

    I think I want to actually achieve 5k by monday, so I'm going to map it out and go for it on friday!