or the sole, or both.
I've had nearly a week of eating really off plan, ridiculous amounts. I was pretty sure that I'd gain this week. Part of me was working out that even though I'd gone over the calories that I had planned to eat I was still well under 2,000, per day for the week if I spread them over the week and stay on target now. I'd cut back on wheat, done a lot of exercise, been drinking lots of water.. and I'm breastfeeding twins.
So by sticking to planned calories for the next 2 days, it'd work out as an average of around 1900 a day. I should be losing weight at that rate, even if it was a teeny bit. Plus, of course, my period has just finished, so any bloat would be gone too - I put on 2-3 lbs on Tuesday last week.
So yer, I thought 'OK, I'm gonna jump on the Wii this morning and see where I stand now' .. even if I had gained, I had 2 days until my 'official' weekly weigh in, and I can make amends.
A clean slate - so that I could stop trying to claw back calories and get back on track. I'd worked out that I had a deficit of 400 calories over the rest of the week, if I wanted to be 'on track'. It was just ridiculous.
The bulimia kicked in, I was going to live on water and apples. And exercise enough that I made up the deficit. I have been doing it, for 2-3 days, but last night I decided that it was stupid, because I was beginning to really hurt and didn't think I'd be able to run tonight if I didn't eat.
Healthy me won out over the fat/bulimic me. I got on the Wii and saw that actually I'd lost 3-4lbs since I last got on it last week and I'm down to 182lbs and a BMI of 32.5.
So then I was trying to work out how many lbs of weight made up a BMI point for me. And I worked out I've got another 13lbs to lose now, until I hit just under 30 (BMI). So for me I'm guessing that about 5lbs of weight is a BMI point. Which is insane, because 5lbs is, really, it's a very small amount of weight. For somebody my size anyway, or the size I have been. 5lbs, if I lost that in my first week of dieting I'd be cross. But it's one whole BMI point. And that, that makes a difference to my health. Those points make a huge difference, each one I've noticed as I've gone down (and up, and down) them, I feel completely different at each one.
Thing is, if the scales had shown a 2lb gain, (*just* a 5lb difference), I would now be thinking of ways to starve myself, to punish myself, thinking I am a failure, too fat, no way I can make these changes, I'd ruined my holiday and chance of enjoying Muse.. it's just bizarre, the way my head works. The difference that 'teeny' 5lbs can make on how I see this entire process, is scary.
So I've now got 13 lbs to go to being overweight. I've got 40 days to do it, and I know I can. Which is brilliant. Then only another 8 points to go to a healthy BMI. It's doable, I know I can do it. Seeing that result today has given me renewed energy. I know I've got this.
Feeling good, I stuck to my calories all day.
Was due to do week 8 day 2 of the c25k today, but late afternoon got a text from my sister and running buddy saying she'd spent 3 hours swimming and was lagging. So I told her to rest up, and I'd go alone. I needed to run, couldn't take the second day of the month as a day off my challenge, with only 6 rest days to use I need to save them for emergencies!
I set off with Florence blaring in my ears, and had the c25k app running underneath iMapMyRun, (I love the new OS4, Apple) as I fancied trying a new route and seeing how the distance worked. When the dude said at 28 minutes to stop running I didn't want to, and looking at the stats on the GPS realised that keeping pace I could make 5k inside 40 minutes, providing I had the stamina to run the extra 12 minutes on top of what I had planned to do.
I felt good, I was feeling confident after the surprise earlier in the day, and had eaten properly. So I did, and it felt good! I am 40lbs overweight, and couldn't run 60 seconds without real pain 6 weeks ago, am a bit awed at what the human body can cope with.
GPS cut out a couple of times, but the complete circuit is 5.01k, and I ran that in 39.11. ^_^