Monday, August 02, 2010

Sometimes a sneaky peek is good for the soul

or the sole, or both.

I've had nearly a week of eating really off plan, ridiculous amounts. I was pretty sure that I'd gain this week. Part of me was working out that even though I'd gone over the calories that I had planned to eat I was still well under 2,000, per day for the week if I spread them over the week and stay on target now. I'd cut back on wheat, done a lot of exercise, been drinking lots of water.. and I'm breastfeeding twins.

So by sticking to planned calories for the next 2 days, it'd work out as an average of around 1900 a day. I should be losing weight at that rate, even if it was a teeny bit. Plus, of course, my period has just finished, so any bloat would be gone too - I put on 2-3 lbs on Tuesday last week.

So yer, I thought 'OK, I'm gonna jump on the Wii this morning and see where I stand now' .. even if I had gained, I had 2 days until my 'official' weekly weigh in, and I can make amends.

A clean slate - so that I could stop trying to claw back calories and get back on track. I'd worked out that I had a deficit of 400 calories over the rest of the week, if I wanted to be 'on track'. It was just ridiculous.

The bulimia kicked in, I was going to live on water and apples. And exercise enough that I made up the deficit. I have been doing it, for 2-3 days, but last night I decided that it was stupid, because I was beginning to really hurt and didn't think I'd be able to run tonight if I didn't eat.

Healthy me won out over the fat/bulimic me. I got on the Wii and saw that actually I'd lost 3-4lbs since I last got on it last week and I'm down to 182lbs and a BMI of 32.5.

So then I was trying to work out how many lbs of weight made up a BMI point for me. And I worked out I've got another 13lbs to lose now, until I hit just under 30 (BMI). So for me I'm guessing that about 5lbs of weight is a BMI point. Which is insane, because 5lbs is, really, it's a very small amount of weight. For somebody my size anyway, or the size I have been. 5lbs, if I lost that in my first week of dieting I'd be cross. But it's one whole BMI point. And that, that makes a difference to my health. Those points make a huge difference, each one I've noticed as I've gone down (and up, and down) them, I feel completely different at each one.

Thing is, if the scales had shown a 2lb gain, (*just* a 5lb difference), I would now be thinking of ways to starve myself, to punish myself, thinking I am a failure, too fat, no way I can make these changes, I'd ruined my holiday and chance of enjoying Muse.. it's just bizarre, the way my head works. The difference that 'teeny' 5lbs can make on how I see this entire process, is scary.


So I've now got 13 lbs to go to being overweight. I've got 40 days to do it, and I know I can. Which is brilliant. Then only another 8 points to go to a healthy BMI. It's doable, I know I can do it. Seeing that result today has given me renewed energy. I know I've got this.

Feeling good, I stuck to my calories all day.

Was due to do week 8 day 2 of the c25k today, but late afternoon got a text from my sister and running buddy saying she'd spent 3 hours swimming and was lagging. So I told her to rest up, and I'd go alone. I needed to run, couldn't take the second day of the month as a day off my challenge, with only 6 rest days to use I need to save them for emergencies!

I set off with Florence blaring in my ears, and had the c25k app running underneath iMapMyRun, (I love the new OS4, Apple) as I fancied trying a new route and seeing how the distance worked. When the dude said at 28 minutes to stop running I didn't want to, and looking at the stats on the GPS realised that keeping pace I could make 5k inside 40 minutes, providing I had the stamina to run the extra 12 minutes on top of what I had planned to do.

 I felt good, I was feeling confident after the surprise earlier in the day, and had eaten properly. So I did, and it felt good! I am 40lbs overweight, and couldn't run 60 seconds without real pain 6 weeks ago, am a bit awed at what the human body can cope with.

GPS cut out a couple of times, but the complete circuit is 5.01k, and I ran that in 39.11. ^_^

2 comments:

  1. Cheering you on Joy! *Go Joy! Go Joy!*
    You're doing really well! :)

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  2. Managed to do almost the complete opposite to you this week Joy!
    I've done no running (thanks to poxbaby), I've avoided all exercise, eaten crap and jumped on the wii to check damage today to be told I've gained 4lbs!!! And that's a huge amount for me to re-lose :( Plus the extra I wanted off for my birthday.

    Sneaky peek not fun here, but has certainly kicked me. Wish we lived closer together for motivation!

    You are doing so fab it's unbelievable, you really are an inspiration.

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