Friday, December 17, 2010

stuff that is making this not so easy

Hubby has been unemployed for 6 weeks now.
Redundancy sucks.
We are poor.
He's been messed about by recruitment people.
Getting interviews around Christmastime. Heh.
I'm hormonal and not coping.
I'm not able to run, hurt my knee.

I'm turning to food to feel safe/happy/satisfied. It's stupid. It has got to stop. I need to be in decent shape. Ugh.

Not in denial, though I'm wading through treacle. Got to get my head back to where it needs to be.

Thursday, December 09, 2010

enough of the pity party

carry on like that and I was going to have a massive hangover.

Started today by tracking both ProPoints and calories. Am going to use MyFitnessPal to count calories alongside the tracking points, I trust the calorie thing, so it'll stop me fussing and moaning about whether the propoints are going to do the job. Yadda, yadda.

Very healthy (ahem) brekkie of fruit and 2 pumpkin oat ryvita (smothered in Nutella) and I've drunk a litre of water so far, I can do it.

I'm in agony with cramps, kids are so hyper it's ridiculous. Taking the 4 of them out on the icy pavements does not figure high on my list of fun/sane/clever stuff to do, so I haven't much. Leaves me with 4 balls of manic energy bouncing about the flat. Led me to thinking about how much cold winter weather is left, which in turn got me realising how close the end of 2010 is! 0_0

This time last year I was in limbo, trying to get back on track again, hanging about in the 180s, feeling pretty stupid. I had put on 40lbs and felt like I'd failed.

A year previous to that I was weighing the same, mid 180s. But I was on my way down. I felt like I was winning. Over the next few months I kept on winning and by spring I looked and felt really well.

I'm going to aim for that mindset again. Yes, as far as weightloss goes the last year has been a case of one step forward, two steps back. Off the scales though I have achieved a lot. My body is fitter and stronger than it's been in years. I've stopped isolating myself, and my moods/coping mechanisms are hugely improved. Panic attacks are not a regular part of my daily life.

So, I'm setting myself a goal. To reach 180lbs again for Kai's 4th birthday mid January. It worked well for me last time!

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Just *sigh*

all gone extremely pear shaped, like my bod.

PMS struck, I feel yuck, the weather is crapola. Have extra stuff going on to, that I can't fix and just have to hold out and patiently wait to ride itself out (hopefully!). The propoints was going well though, I had gone wonky and gained back 6lbs, but was eating wheat etc.

As of last Thursday I chucked wheat, stuck to my propoints, drank my water, kept active and didn't use any of the weekly allowance. Monday night I *stupidly, stupidly* stood on my mums scales to check how I was going. Nada. Not budged an inch.

I was (am) pissed. Seriously. Blech.
I am hungry on propoints.
It is not coming naturally.

I have just stuffed crap in. I am sure my looming menses is to blame for my hormonal state, as well as holding onto water. I'm totally indecisive about what to do.

I like going to meetings.
I don't like propoints.

I think, I think I am going to calorie count alongside/instead of propoints. Keep going to meetings as I know the group keeps me on track mentally.

But, yer. Feeling pretty down on myself right now. *sigh*

At least dressember is fun. ^_^

Saturday, December 04, 2010

still truckin'

No meeting this week, cancelled because of all the white, wet stuff ^_^

Had put on a few lbs after eating silly, but back on it now and beginning to rethink how to eat for the propoints plan.

Enjoying the dressember challenge, 4 days I've worn dresses now - photo evidence is on my blog. Am realising how much fun I would be having with clothes if I weren't so worried about my size. So it's a good boost.

Added to that, the wedding is 25 weeks today. I need to lose around 50-60lbs by then. Incentive, eh?

I had hoped to go and see Biffy Clyro tonight, but couldn't make myself chance getting stuck the wrong side of London after the shambles of the trains the last few days. So instead of moshing, vodka and kebab I've got a Saturday night of X-factor, water and satsumas. How rock'n'roll!