Wednesday, June 30, 2010

wednesday weigh in

and despite having hugely appropriate reasons to do a lot of emotional eating, I haven't. This morning upon receiving further bad news about the crappity situation I did reach for one of the cinnamon raisin biscuits I'd baked and were sat in tupperware. I could hear it 'eat me, you'll feel all sugary and happy for a while.. a little wheat on one day won't hurt' I picked it up, I bit into it, I chewed and then spat it into the bin. NO! Had to remove myself from kitchen and have a stern talk.

Me to binge-me: I'm NOT going down this path, I've had a good week sticking to plan, been through a horrid withdrawal. I am not going to let you ruin it all with your chaotic eating!
Binge me: *sulk*

So, by the skin of my teeth, or the thrust of my spit(?) I did not eat..

eat 

–verb (used with object)

1. to take into the mouth and swallow for nourishment; chew and swallow (food).

I did have a foody moment yesterday afternoon, instead of melting down. I had an extra 100cals or so of cheese on my dinner. And ate yummy chocolate dessert with my exercise calories. But I did not binge. *Yay*

So, loss for the week of 7llbs. Am very happy with that. More so possibly than the 10lb losses I've had before. I feel like it will be possible to lose this week too, and not have a rebound gain or something from a drastic loss! Also need to up my water intake I think.

Back to 197lbs, a BMI under 35, so I am plain vanilla obese and not 'massively' so. Back under 200lbs, over 10% of original bodyweight lost etc etc. Onwards and downwards!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

SO shaken up, really want to cry, or eat

everyone is safe, but have had news in the last 5 mins that's given me pins and needles head to toe. About to sob, or binge, and neither would be helpful.

Can't say too much, but just need to put this out there:

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Monday, June 28, 2010

Over the hump

The headache of doom has (hopefully) really actually given up and gone home. The withdrawal this time has been rough. Didn't give myself any time to slowly drop stuff before starting the plan, and cut wheat and the diet coke habit out too. So ouch was inevitable.

So many times in the last 4 months I've planned to start the diet anew. Always would think 'oh have one *last* food day, start tomorrow/after xxx event/once vie done the next food shop'. Thing was I would have the big binge, have one or two decenti-sh days and then CRASH. I had no buffer ready for when things got tough and was allowing myself to think of binges as 'treating myself'. So on day 3 my skin would be crawling with wanting to eat the crap, the kids would be being kidlike and then some housework would need doing and I'd snap - and stuff something (usually quick and calorie laden) down my throat.

I'd gotten back to not going out except to shop or throw the kids at the playground. None of my clothes fit and I felt really awful. Had a good go around the end of April when I was going to a Hole gig and wanted to lose some lbs to cope with the hours in the moshpit. Once that was over it was birthday season, with 3 of the kids' birthdays inside a fortnight at the end of May. Cake, cake, cake. Then my parents 30th anniversary - more cake!

But now it's nearly July. And that brought home to me how far off track I've gone. On July 20th it'll be a year since I weighed in at 148lbs. Just 7lbs from the weightwatchers gold goal.
Closer than that, on July 3rd, I'm going to see Eclipse (sorry non Twi-fans) I remember sitting in the cinema when New Moon came out, feeling pretty pants about the 30lb gain, and thinking I would easily manage to be at goal by the time this film came out 7.5mos later. Instead I now have a 56lb gain. Ahem.

Also, I have events on the horizon that to be able to enjoy fully needs to see some changes made:

  • It's the race for life in 3 weeks, if I'm going to get round in anything like a decent time I need to weigh less and train some.
  • I'm seeing Muse at Wembley Stadium (rawr!) 2 nights in a row (RAWR!) and have standing/level 1 tickets to both. I want to ENJOY them! Not wish I was sat on my arse. Muse will be way more epic with less sweaty obese pain!
  • I am going on holiday in September where there will be free swimming, and 7 adults to our 4 kids and I want to make the most of it. This means not palming off the kids to others to do swims, but feeling confident and ENJOYING being able to go in the pool all together.
  • November, I'm off to see Paramore. Again standing tickets. I do NOT want to be the fat late 20s chick amongst the skinny emo teens!!
  • Finally, if I lose a steady albs a week from now. I'll be going into 2011 with a healthy BMI. I would love my New Years resolution to be to carry on as I have been!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Ouch, ouch, *&%*ing ouch

day 3/4 withdrawal has hit. After binge eating every other day, it's hit hard. No wheat, lots of water, average 1200 cals a day. Ouch.

Started yesterday morning, and knew I could expect some nasty symptoms. Felt fine while running, but last night I was groggy and felt totally wiped out. Woke at 4am in agony and couldn't get back to sleep, also couldn't get comfy as hot girls are feeding lots in the heat.

Sam has had a beast of a wife today, tearful one moment, blaming him for all the troubles of the universe the next, then being totally normal for long enough that he can relax, only to start again as soon as he takes a breath.

Realise I hadn't been getting enough, breastfeeding the girls I'm still using around 500 cals a day, maybe more. Leaving me 700 to function with? Urm, no. So I cooked myself a batch of granola and had it over icecream. Took my avereage calorie intake over the last 4 days to 1400.

In the last hour, the headache has shifted. Phew. Made it through. Was SO close to baking something sugar and wheat filled after the codeine/paracetomal/ibuprofen didn't work.

Looking forward to weighing on Wednesday and seeing how the slimfast has done. I am enjoying the ease of use, not enjoying the lack of actual food!!

Friday, June 25, 2010

calorie counting.. ouch

Eeeek, I'm hungry. So glad I'm going for a run tonight as it means extra calories. Planning to splurge them on a couple of ryvita and an apple, nom. *eyeroll* Could be worse, least it's not the weasel belt.

Taking biggest halfling with me as he's going loopy with being stuck in (as I'm still keeping child-yet-to-have-measles in quarantine for 2 weeks) and plotting to do our run around the local nature reserve, make use of having a space like it!

Having to input my activity into MyFitnessPal, and not knowing how fast I run is a pain. Looking for some new trainers anyway, as my feet have shrunk (yes, that's correct, shrunk. Happened when my periods returned, odd huh??) and have a discount code to use in the next week for new running shoes. Yay, pink Lunarglides here I come! So, anyway, came across the Nike+ stuff. Looks like it could do the job. Have the 3GS, Lunarglides are Nike+ 'ready' so I'm going to chuck a sensor onto my order, will be free considering the discount.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

c25k again. Because my couch is magnetic.

While the kids were playing outside I spent a while poking about the blog. Eek I left it in a mess. Like coming home from holiday and realising you left food in the fridge, or the rubbish in the bin, or something.

Have cleaned up a little now, and things are ready for me to start again, almost.


Should be fairly obvious that I did NOT meet my Easter goals. If I had I'd be like this




But really I'm more like this


so it's time to get things moving again. BUT, slowly. None of this 'I'm gonna rule the universe' crap. No wii extreme challenge, shred, run and learn Japanese while I do it..

I'm going to start, and complete the c25k program. I've run the week 1 for the third time. I plan to run every other night so that come next month I can give the race for life a decent go. That is all. No challenges, no schedules. Just me, my shoes and the pavement.

4 months

Things that have happened
  • eldest turned five
  • twins turned two
  • boys are discharged from SALT and portage (though both still eligible, they are happier without)
  • youngest has had measles
  • have finally stood down from draining volunteer job that wasn't being done properly, meaning I can go to bed before 2am.
  • have booked a holiday (whoop)
  • have been to gigs (and have more in pipeline)
Things that have not happened
  • weight loss
  • training for 5k
  • being wheat free
  • being able to fit into 98% of my clothing
So, yeah.

Weighed myself on the Wii yesterday, after dusting it off, plugging the balance board in, recharging the balance board battery pack, etc etc.

It was not good. Very not good. Travel back in time by 18months not good.

Am making big decision to NOT do Weightwatchers for a bit. I know it works and love the plan, but my head cannot cope with the tracking and pointing and weighing and doing it all again, all over again.

I really NEED to get moving though, so I'm going to use Slimfast (blugh) to get myself back on track. Used it before, for a couple months pre wedding. While working fulltime and doing first year of Uni and planning a wedding, it was simple and not time-eating. In 2-3 months I lost 35+lbs, and went from 11.5 stone to under 9.

Have Race for Life in under 4 weeks, then Holiday at Center Parcs (read - swimming cossie) in less than 10 weeks.

Can barely run for 3 minutes straight at the moment, so going to run every other day and hope to jog/woggle the 5k in Hyde Park. Last year we got round in under an hour, but I was wearing the babies, and walking. So regardless I should beat my previous time!

Did first day on Slimfast yesterday, according to the MyFitnessPal App on the iPhone, I need to be taking in around 1200 cals a day (assuming I'm doing typical housewifely days, with 3/4 runs a week) to be losing weight. BUT it didn't ask me about how many halflings I'm lactating for (weightwatchers 1, other dieting programs 0) so 1200 is going to be on the low end! No idea how much each takes, but they still feed several times a day as well as through the night. Will see how I manage in the first week and adjust from there.

Day 1 intake was 1228.