Tuesday, November 29, 2011

back on it ^_^

Miles walked - 30.5
previous weight - 196 BMI 33.6
current weight - 192 BMI 33
loss - 4lb
% loss - 2.04%

Feel happy with that result. Especially after a weekend of not much moving and lots of scrummy food - the big, gym-heavy front half of the week pulled me through for a 4lb loss.

11lbs to go to hit the 50lb off that I want for New Year, and 5 weeks to do it. It's a reasonable goal, and will feel amazing to start 2012 halfway to goal and in the 12 stone range. I'm going to do it. ^_^ 

Feeling back on an even keel. Spent yesterday in Brighton with a mate and tracked my eating (even with a visit to Choccywoccydoodah!)

Aiming for a 2-3lb loss this week. Going to eat all my daily & weekly but not touch my AP. Earned 48 last week, aiming for the same this week. ^_^

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Shake it Out

"Tonight I'm going to bury that horse in the ground
I like to keep my issues strong
It's always darkest before the dawn."

"It's hard to dance with the devil on your back, so shake him off"

Been listening to Florence + The Machine A LOT this week, really good music + lyrics for pushing through when working out. Looking forward to getting tickets tomorrow, to *finally* see her live next March!

All is going well with eating/living here. Been gymming each day, eating well, feeling good. Trying to push myself this week, doing stuff I find 'scary', but that is good for me/my family.

I booked my driving test yesterday - first available date was for a little over 5 months time, which  I should be ready for. 

Today my brother has cried off going to work out, so I'm plotting to take the twins swimming instead. More than a little nervous at the thought of being in a swimming costume around other people. Voiced my fear to Sam, in Seth's earshot..

'Why are you scared of being in a swimming outfit and fat? I don't get it? Is it 'cos you think you will sink?'

I explained that no, though that is a valid reason to be scared, I am just worried people will see me and think yuck.

'But that is weird, why would people care? And why would they think you look yucky? You are a nice person.'

So, with my 6yo pointing out that I'm being a shallow idiot, I am going. 

30PP earned 11AP
9801 steps/4.08 miles
10 minutes warm up on the bike @ 90rpm
a minute stretching ^_^
15 minutes cross trainer @ 9kmph up & downhill
8 minutes rowing machine
3 x 12 reps chest press 25 kg
3 x 12 reps row 30 kg
3 x 12 reps shoulder press 12.5 kg
3 x 12 reps leg press 50 kg
1 x 12 reps pull down 35kg
5 minutes recline bike @ 65rpm

2 minutes stretching

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Ugh. Ugh. Hanging on by the skin of my teeth.

It's been a shitfest of a month, November.

Got back on track and felt good, had done a good first week in the gym, had a decent loss and felt ok. Then husbeast came home and told me he'd been made redundant. Again.

I did well the first day. Went out and smashed out the anger/fear/sadness in the gym. But then panic set in and I hid at home eating. Missed weigh in the next week as I was ill (read run down, stressed and sulking) and continued to not move much and eat crap.

Last week I went and faced the music. Had gained 8lbs which was totally deserved. Then went and gigged at smashing pumpkins and ate too much, but felt ok. We've worked out a temp job for Sam, I'd decided I couldn't let myself fall into the trap of thinking that stopping living was less painful than pushing through.

On Friday my period arrived, so I felt rubbish-er, ate wheat and copious amounts of chocolate and put on another 2lbs.


BUT. I went to group yesterday, I tracked, I went to the gym (I'm headed there again in an hour) and I know I am back in a good place, after a fortnight of stress, illness, hormones and it being that time of year.

Sam will be back working again in a couple of weeks, I can keep my weightwatchers and gym membership and I've ONLY gained 10lbs. It's not a small amount, but it's nothing compared to what it could be if I hid and pretended I didn't mind (again).

I still have 6 weeks until 2012 arrives. I could chuck a stone off by then easy, hit the 50lb mark that's been looming for months now! Break that halfway barrier. I'm sure if the energy I feel now gets going that I'll manage more than that. I would LOVE to go into 2012 out of  the 'obese' range. We'll see!

30PP earned 16AP
17414 steps/7.25 miles

10 minutes warm up on the bike @ 90rpm
a minute stretching ^_^
15 minutes cross trainer @ 9kmph up & downhill
8 minutes rowing machine
3 x 12 reps chest press 25 kg
3 x 12 reps row 30 kg
3 x 12 reps shoulder press 12.5 kg
3 x 12 reps leg press 50 kg

1 x 12 reps pull down 35kg
5 minutes recline bike @ 65rpm

2 minutes stretching

Catch up...

31st Oct - 
Miles walked - 25
previous weight - 190.5 BMI 32.7
current weight - 186 BMI 31.9
loss - 4.5lb
% loss - 2.37%

7th Nov - weighed at home
Miles walked - 24
previous weight - 186 BMI 31.9
current weight - 191 BMI 32.8
gain - 5lb
% gain - 2.69%

14th Nov - back to meeting
Miles walked - 35
previous weight - 191 BMI 32.8
current weight - 194 BMI 33.3
gain - 3lb
% gain - 1.57%

21st Nov - went to meeting, hid from scales!
Miles walked - 32
previous weight - 194 BMI 33.3
current weight - 196 BMI 33.6
gain - 2lb
% gain - 1.03%

Sunday, October 30, 2011

ready to step on the scale

Feel like I'm very steadily back into the groove now. Spent Friday with a friend, letting the kids bounce around soft play while we drank coffee and caught up. 

29/29 PP (18 weekly remaining)
1194 kcal - burned 370 kcal through exercise
8268 steps = 3.44 miles

Saturday I had my appointment at the gym to do 'bodystat' and have an instructor session on the Powerplate. I was amazed at the fact the powerplate actually worked, and am going back next week for my second go. The bodystat readout was useful too, and a nice surprise was my hip:waist ration being under .80 again!

47/29 PP (0 weekly remaining)
1864 kcal - burned 485 kcal through exercise
8257 steps = 3.44 miles

So - more water needed according to bodystat. Water app agrees, says 3.5 litres a day, not 2. So today I did. And gymmed - already feeling I can do more. 

8 minutes warm up on the bike @ 85rpm
a minute stretching ^_^
15 minutes cross trainer @ 8kmph up & downhill
10 minutes stepper @ 3.5 floors a minute
2 x 12 reps chest press 20 kg
2 x 12 reps row 25 kg
2 x 12 reps shoulder press 12.5 kg
2 x 12 reps leg press 40 kg
5 minutes recline bike @ 65rpm
2 minutes stretching

Starting at the gym has stalled my weightloss, according to my scales, still I'm sure once the water settles it'll be fine. I'm going to be back down from last weeks 190.5 anyway!

40/29 PP (31/42 AP remaining)
1521 kcal - burned 1032 kcal through exercise
9906 steps = 4.12 miles

Thursday, October 27, 2011

No one ever drowned in sweat

Had a HUGE headache after gym on Tuesday, barely moved at all on Wednesday and felt really rubbish. Ate many points too, but tracked it all and did NOT binge. Just ate some high fat stuff (coconut yoghurt, seeds, nuts etc) that made for a healthier body come bedtime, but a high PP day.

51/29 PP (22 weekly remaining)
1762 kcal - burned 223 kcal through exercise
4970 steps = 2.07

Yesterday was a far better day. Very careful and mindful of what I was doing and eating, and went back to the gym in the evening, determined to do my training plan to the letter. I did. 

8 minutes warm up on the bike @ 85rpm
a minute stretching ^_^
15 minutes cross trainer @ 8kmph
10 minutes stepper @ 3.5 floors a minute
2 x 12 reps chest press 17.5 kg
2 x 12 reps row 25 kg
2 x 12 reps shoulder press 12.5 kg
2 x 12 reps leg press 35 kg
5 minutes recline bike @ 65rpm
2 minutes stretching

Then walking the mile uphill home ^_^ Felt goooood.

33/29 PP (18 weekly remaining)
1354 kcal - burned 1032 kcal through exercise
9905 steps = 4.12 miles

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

death at the gym earns a snicker bar

Is close to what I must have looked like working out the activity points I earnt at the gym last night. So much sweat, in public. And for a snickers bar???!!! I so wasn't wasting those hard won points on chocolate, I've hoarded them for more latte instead!

Made my way around quickly, managed to get my routine done inside an hour, so pretty cool and should be doable 4-5times a week.

Tuesday - 31/29 PP (44 weekly remaining) earned 8 AP
1229 kcal - burned 867kcal through exercise
8253 steps = 3.43

Woke up today with a headache and it's raining and blugh. Been stuck in all day with kids who are getting less and less amused with the walls. Must *do* something tomorrow.

Trying to convince myself to gym tonight, might wait and see what mood Sam is in though. We ended up arguing a bit last night, and I'm not in the headspace to be adult about not bawling my eyes out if it happens again. 

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Could have been so so much worse

Didn't actually get to weigh in yesterday, as the kids are still all out of whack, and by the time we were all up and ready, it was too late.

Still, I know my scales are pretty much bang on, so jumped up...

Miles walked - 22

previous weight -187 BMI 32.1
current weight - 190.5 BMI 32.7
gain - 3.5lb
% gain - 1.87%

Could have been a lot worse. But then I thought about it. Though I have been off track, and eaten too much. I HAVE NOT BINGED. In fact several times I've just not started eating what was on my plate if I realised I was full already. A few times I got big portions, then chucked half away once I was 'satisfied'. Not over full. Satisfied!! 

I've not gone shopping for baskets full of crap that I then quietly eat hidden out of view. I've not looked back at a days eating and felt sick at myself. I think, for the first time ever. I am really, really getting my head screwed on right.

The BIG issues are making bad choices in what I'm eating, not amounts. Lack of exercise and eating wheat again. After my gym induction last night I'm fairly sure sticking to the plan my trainer drew up will sort the exercise part, and to be able to do it I'm going to have to kick wheat, or die of breathlessness on the elliptical!

Monday, October 24, 2011

Just did it

I went to the Gym! Was so nervous about going, but I'd promised myself, and my itchy flaky tat was a good reminder all day.

As it was I was a lot less bothered about the other people there once I got going. Realising how unfit I am was painful, but that will only improve now! Have booked to do a 'bodyscan' on Saturday - will be very detailed picture of the state of my bod right now, and where it *should* be.

Going back tomorrow night to work through the training plan I've been drawn up. Ouch.

Back to tracking each day here too - need to stay on top of that for now.

All in all, a good day.

32/29 PP (46 weekly remaining) earned 7 AP
1415 kcal - burned 654kcal through exercise
10124 steps = 4.21 miles

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Skinny small latte to go please

On my way home after pulling myself up off the sofa and to the gym - induction booked for tomorrow night, though I did have my kit with me ready to go if they had space!

45 mins until the next train (gah, Sunday) and I've got costacash on my loyalty card, so I went to the cafe. Looked at the cakes, panini and flapjack - but the cleansing feeling of having made positive steps stopped me.

So here I am - slurping my skimmed latte on the platform waiting for a train. Even though I'm guessing I must be up 5lbs again and feel a little bit annoyed at the slip, I'm happy that a 2 week long bust is only 5lbs now. Reckon the new personal trainer will scare those off me!!

- Does this post seem more intelligent than average? Posted from my smartiPhone

No surprises

I love how very obvious I am when I fall off plan. It's never a little thing.

For 2 weeks now I've not tracked, or stayed off wheat, or drank enough water, or worked out, or blogged.

Realised yesterday I was at that point, where I need to do something *now* or it'll lead to a spiral of doom. That's melodramatic, but totally true.

I put too much importance on hitting the 50lbs off for my birthday 4 weeks ago. When it didn't happen I went a bit mad. I've not made specific targets for myself that I *know* I can reach. Saying I'll lose X by Z is difficult, because at the end of the day, I can ensure that my weight is going down, but never choose how much. It's not an exact enough science!

I'd been thinking that I could skip weigh in tomorrow as my mum is away anyway, and claw back to where I was, then try to hit 50lbs off for the front of November. Once there I could have a 'reward' yadda yadda...

What I NEED is to get back on it now. So I need to look at what I am letting hold me back.

  • Not tracking - so reloaded the app (it had been so long it had crashed :s) and tracked breakfast properly.
  • Not staying off wheat - I know that this is so important, I stay of wheat I feel better, I eat better, I move more. Simple. Have chucked out wheaty naughties, all gone, only my clean, good foods left for me now.
  • Not drinking my water - have started the day with a pint of water instead of a latte. Must go to the tap and not the coffee machine when I fancy a drink!
  • Blogging - going to make myself check in every day again until it's all fallen into place.
  • Not working out. This one is where I'm going to reward myself NOW, for making the choice to get back up. After the shred I want to be using weights more, and with it being dark by the time Sam is home I don't feel safe running (roads here are busy and pavements narrow) so I'm off to join a gym this afternoon. 0_0 

I'm hoping to go 4/5 times a week, for 90mins. It's a monthly membership, so if I'm being unrealistic in thinking I have the time, I'm not tied to a contract.
Not looking forward to feeling flabby and a n00b, but I want to use their stuff, so I gotta go.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

poorly sick

Missed weigh in Monday because I was in bed with a fever. Since then Sam has been ill, and I've been off focus.

Feeling quite a bit better today though, and aware that last week was a bad one anyway. Got to really focus on planning food, tracking properly and getting enough exercise, I can still the mojo slipping.

To spur me on I went and got started on my boxer grrrl ink, as a 30 day shred celebration. Got the outline and shading done, going back in 2-3 weeks to get colour finished and my tattoo artist is excited to wrap it all together as a half sleeve.
It's placed underneath my 'not afraid' tattoo, and is perfect for getting my fear-free strong self back on it.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

and off again ^_^

Been a hard fought week last week, busy, but not particularly active, lots of triggers for thoughtless eating.

I used all my weekly points, all my activity points, and had a couple days where I had to guesstimate amounts. But I did something right, as there was a 2lb loss at the scale yesterday. Phew.

Miles walked - 35.3

previous weight -189 BMI 32.4
current weight - 187 BMI 32.1
loss - 2lb
% lost - 1.06%

Only did 1 session of Zumba, 1 run and 1 Shred this week. Not enough. Need to do 5 days next week, and stick within propoint allowance.

Feeling good though, have a few easy, happy weeks ahead going into winter. 6lbs to get the 50lbs off. Aiming to do that by the end of October, as well as finish the c25k plan.

Monday, October 03, 2011

3lb gain

On Friday morning I saw 184 on the scales. In just 3 days I put enough food in my body to gain 3lbs weight. Whoops!! Stepping up to the scales this morning, I knew I would have gained, but it felt fine. I really am so pleased with the head changes this time around.

*So* glad that I did the shred, running, Wii fit and walking to earn the activity points (and metabolism) that meant it wasn't a bigger gain.

I know that getting back on track this week, I'll see a good loss next week, so that's what I'll do. I'm not feeling upset/set back. This is a BIG change, it's not a race, it's *one* week, and a totally expected result.

Hoping to chuck the wheat bloat and run 3/4 times this week to pull a 7lb ish loss - that'd feel a bit good!

Miles walked - 35.4

previous weight -186 BMI 31.9
current weight - 189 BMI 32.4
gain - 3lb
% gain - 1.61%

Sunday, October 02, 2011


Bugger, bugger, bugger.. been trying to outrun this binge all week, and thought I'd done it.

To be honest, it wasn't a bad one. A chorizo ciabatta and some Nutella on bread - but it wasn't measured/tracked and I know I've gone way over points.

Then Sunday night we had pizza. Again, didn't eat huge amounts - but too much, wrong foods and heaps of wheat.

Anything less than a 4lb gain tomorrow would be awesome, oops.

10960/4948 (4.6 miles)
29/29 pp & 4 ap (1367/1200 kcal)

14846/4948 (6.2 miles)
total feck up....

6034/4948 (2.5 miles)

Friday, September 30, 2011


Have had a few days of craving carbs and dairy. Granola, chocolate, cheese. I've gone over my daily and weekly pp and used ALL my activity points (it's a good thing I'm doing all the walking/running/resistance training at the moment...)

Since having the 'blowout' on my birthday, I've really struggled with eating normally. I know that most of it is psychological. Once Monday is here and I've a fresh new week it'll fall back in place. Just hoping that I won't have earned myself a gain, something that may throw me out if my head is still a bit out of whack.

Have got a lot done this week though, despite the chaos of my eating. I've been out to see friends, have got to new places (even used the tram with all 4 kids, in rush hour - blugh). I've gone through the boys basement, tidied out and cleaned all the toys, computers and games, beds etc. Got the kittens back to full health, kids are all well. Exercise is on track - now on week 7 of the c25k, running 25 minutes straight and on track to be running 5k 3x a week by the end of October.
My last shred is today, I will have completed 30 days straight of doing the DVD, and 10 days on all 3 levels. Planning to continue to do the shred 3x a week through October, as well as running 3x a week - having a 'day off' each week too.

Really, all is good. I just need to plan my next week, before I end up eating my body weight in chocolate flavoured crap!

14127/4948 (5.9 miles)
29/29 pp & 2 weekly 10 ap (1570/1200 kcal)

10066/4948 (4.2 miles)
29/29 pp & 26 ap (2112/1200 kcal)

Wednesday, September 28, 2011


Got the Shred done bright and early today. Had been finding getting on with it first thing harder, as I'm getting to bed later and just TIRED when I wake up.

This morning I overslept, woke at 7am and realised Sam had fallen asleep on the sofa after showering 0_0 got him up and out, but he was *grumpy*. Could tell he wanted me to say 'oh, just take the day off' but he was only 30 minutes late, and really, no. He's needing to go in, not throw a strop like a teenager.

Had a tense 5 minutes as he got dressed and out the door, I was upset and feeling guilty, and then more cross because he was doing the guilt trip thing. Then cross at myself for taking his strop and turning it against myself. I'm forever saying to him/my mum/the kids that other peoples' actions can only effect you if you let them, and here I was going into a guilt/anger spiral over 5 minutes of tired grumpy hubby. Hardly something he could help much, and really not worth upsetting my morning over. Gut reaction was to either a) go back to bed and doze for an hour, trying to convince kids to stay in bed too or watch crappy TV or b) eat something creamy/fatty/calorific. Instead I grabbed my sports bra and did the shred. By the cool down I felt fine again, and as a bonus I've already conquered today's Jillian-fest.

.... and I just realised I really should apologise to Sam for getting on his case this morning. If he was truly being too grumpy, I could always have just left him to it. Sent him a text to say sorry. And not playing any games either. Don't think I've been this balanced/aware of my emotions ever that I can think of.

Going out to enjoy the sun (it's nearly October?.. I'm not going to complain!) again this afternoon with our bunch of Home Edding friends. Feeling a bit nauseous but think it's the last two days of chocolate catching up with me. Graze box to get me through that, and a big fluffy omlette planned for dinner. May attempt a run tonight too, try to get week 6 of c25k complete before my legs forget what they're supposed to do!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Birthday splurge.

I. Ate. So. Much. on my birthday yesterday.

My hamburger & sundae together were 42 pp! I was stuffed.

Then managed some Mrs Crimbles dutch apple cake with Nutella - my favourite, but another 34 pp!!

2.5 days worth of energy in 2 meals. Astounding.

I did shred though. I did track. I did intend to use my weekly points this week, and at the front end of the week, to boost my metabolism.

I'm 28, I feel great, October is days away and I'm stoked, because this month I will:
  • Run 5k
  • Hit 50lb loss
  • Hit 'overweight' and *leave* obesity in the dust.

Today I went into London with the halflings to meet a friend. Nice sunny day for chatter and gentle stroll through Green Park, got in and cleared up and did my shred. It's just become routine now - there are just 3 days left until I won't be doing it daily. I know that longterm it wouldn't be great, but for me it has been good for my mind, in breaking the STRONG belief I had that I was truly too weak. 

Bound to fail, too fat and too unfit and just plain too lazy to manage it. I've felt that way for years, and am really feeling like I may have beat it away for good doing this very intense month. It's come just at the right time for me. While I couldn't (or perhaps rather, *wouldn't*) continue 7 days a week for longer term, I'm now convinced that 5 day weeks are probably a good idea, rather than an unachievable goal.

Got to sit down sometime in the next couple of days and work out October's exercise routine.

10875/4948 (4.5 miles)
76/29 pp (2796/1200 kcal)

18091/4948 (7.5 miles)
29/29 pp (1129/1200 kcal)

Monday, September 26, 2011

going down

Used 17 weekly pp, think I'm undereating now maybe. Earning around 50 pp through activity and still have over 30 weekly pp left - could have eaten 12 pp extra a day and still lost weight, theoretically.

Just 1lb off this week, but I felt great seeing that scale move down again. I'd had a boozey weekend, a fry up on Sunday, a thai on Saturday and I lost weight. This is normal life, this is *living* it.

Off for a birthday meal today, planning to use *all* my weekly pp for it!

Miles walked - 30.7

previous weight -187 BMI 32.1
current weight - 186 BMI 31.9
loss - 1lb
% lost - 0.53%