Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Have had a weird 10 days, really struggling with binge-ache. I don't know what else to call it. It's like there's a monster in my head that just wants to EAT. I'm using nearly all my energy fighting it, the whole time I'm awake.

I wish I knew why I have these issues. I don't think I had a traumatic childhood, I was fed properly, not called names, not put on fad diets, got plenty of exercise. I was a healthy kid. Sure, I remember thinking I was fat as a teen - but that meant I was a size 12 rather than a ten, and I stopped using sugar in my tea! At college I used to have a slimfast shake for breakfast, but that was about getting something into me first thing, rather than trying to cut back on calories.

I lost 2 stone in the months before my wedding - I'd gone to Uni and in my first term got up to 157lb.
I maintained my weight easily until after I lost Zoe, then crept back up to 160lbs. Got back down to the 140lb mark as I fell pregnant with Seth. After the birth of each of my children, I've put on weight. Not during the pregnancy, but after. Why? I hear of so many women gaining weight during pregnancy. I tend to come out at 1-2lbs different. Then pile it on.

I am feeling so run down at the moment, so lost and tired. Getting anything done is a struggle. Constantly tired and feeling like I'm not managing the most simple aspects of normal life.

To top things off, this weekend I'm poorly. Headcold followed by shakey achey body. I've been eating pastry and chocolate and put on 2lb. At least I've spent a lot of energy trying to battle the binge-monster, and have tracked what has gone in.

This Saturday will be 12 weeks to the wedding, 7 weeks til the hen night (yay!) I want to be under 200lbs. I've stuck to drinking 2 litres of water a day, so that's something. I'd gone out running 3x last week, need to go out again this week. Aiming for 1200cals a day.

I've just had a salad for lunch. A salad. While poorly and flu-ey. Salad. I deserve to be healthy!! ^_^

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