Saturday, August 20, 2011

There it is...

I'm almost relieved, to be honest. Knowing that getting it right 100% of the time is not realistic. I knew eventually the binge would happen, and just hoped I'd be ready to cope with it.

Sam is away this weekend. Went Friday morning and will be back Sunday night. I'm not fazed about being on my own with the kids, I do that all day every day in the week. It's the nights. Kai needs to be physically restrained in order to sleep, and will wake and find it very hard to go back to sleep if he's not stopped from getting out of bed.

I went to meet some friends at Crystal Palace yesterday, left home at 9am and spent a long, sunny, happy day in the park, leaving after 8pm. The girls both fell asleep on the bus back to West Croydon, though I managed to keep Kai awake and chattering. It was after 9pm by the time we got onto our bus back to the village green, and after 5 minutes all of the kids were asleep. Getting off the bus took a bit of juggling, with 4 bags, 4 kids and 2 scooters to wrangle. They were all tired and cold and crying, and I could only carry one, needing a hand free to carry bags/scooters and one for Kai. It was five to ten, and the Co-op lights were on, so I went and grabbed chocolate to spur them on. It did. We got in, got them cleaned up, changed, ready for bed and settled the boys downstairs. Kai realised Sam wasn't about and started bawling. Needed to go to the bathroom, which meant me spending another 30 mins cleaning him up and dressed again. Then moved the boys to the sofas upstairs. Pushed them together to make a square bed/cot thing. Spent a while holding Kai down until he was whimpering but eyes closed. Every time he opened them and saw it was me and not Sam, he'd cry harder, so I turned the TV on low for background noise like Sam's PC and sat on the next sofa to feed the girls off. At about 11-11.30 he slowly drifted off, as did the girls. Then I heard the cat come in with something, eventually chased it out from under my bed, and went to resettle Kai.

I was starving and my head was throbbing, and I grabbed the nearest thing - all the leftover chocolate. Ate about 200g while sat staring at late night telly, too knackered to get ready for bed. Woke up on the beanbag at 1am, and dragged myself into the bathroom, then got myself and the girls to bed. Up again 3 hours later to pin Kai down before he woke fully, then I got another 3 hours kip before they all woke up.

Today I feel shattered. The choc blowout has left me foggy, grumpy and achey. I've split the propoints/calories between Friday and Saturday, and will just face whatever happens scale-wise come Monday, though I am within weekly points by a long way, so may get another small loss. Who knows.

I am really miffed that I grabbed the choc, but very chuffed that I tracked it and stayed aware!

Friday -
13629/4672 steps (5.7 miles)
31/31 propoints & 23 weekly (2210/1200 cals)


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