Soon she was back up 2 stone;
That's where I was at last September. I let it go, and up, up, up it went.
'It's getting to the point where if I don't do something now, it's gonna go all that way up again, and I really don't want that to happen.'
What she said while looking at herself in the mirror, really struck me, as it's *exactly* how I feel. At this point she weighs 12 stone 5/173lbs. Not hugely overweight BUT she is on the way up. I always *always* feel worse about where I am on the way up.
When I'm putting on weight I kind of.. disgust myself. It's quite a strong way of putting it, but I look in the mirror and think 'Ugh, that's disgusting!'
On those days, it's a bit - I don't want to say dark, because that's really dramatic - but, I do feel really down. and its almost like.. you've done that to yourself, but the one thing that makes you feel better is eating that stuff again. Its just a vicious cycle.
So, is removing food from that cycle an idea? She met Gemma, who had been yoyo for all her life. On lighter life she lost 11st in 10 months, using shakes as meal replacement. Claire said what I feel too - it's great it works for others, but I can't make that work for me long term. I've lost 2 stone over 6 months before, using slimfast, but I *need* to sort my relationship with food. Not hide from it, which is what *I* would be doing using these.
The professional nutritionist agrees, Claire is major denial. With issues like these, we've *got* to face truth to be able to make changes.
Claire then ends up thinking of surgery, mainly liposuction. Her hubby says what Sam would (and I agree, though part of me would be tempted) 'Any kind of surgical procedure has got to be the absolute last choice.'
Colleen Nolan agrees; 'I think it's a lazy way round the problem - you need to get down yourself and keep it off.' She's right of course. Losing the weight is not the issue, it's staying healthy once we're there.
'It's not about size & how you look, but how you are.' Colleen felt bad at her top weight. She had no energy, felt depressed and just wanted to eat and sleep - so she ate & slept and got bigger.. Now she say it's not about what she weighs, but eating well and feeling good and having the zest for life she had lost. I like this thinking, it's what I'm going for now. Even still being obese, I'm achieving that goal each day I do it right, it's much easier to stick to the lifestyle that makes you feel great, than to a diet that promises you X result in Y months time..
To tackle the long term weight-loss, I need to get to the root of the problem, break emotional connection to food. Once I get to my 'goal' weight I am going to have to stay aware, stay motivated, stay zesty!
At the end of part two Claire is digging in to a pudding and says to the camera (she's supposed to be tracking her food for the nutritionist) 'I mean this is really bad.. but I kinda dont really care' *This* is the attitude I *have* to watch for. If I want to eat some, as a treat. If it's adding to my enjoyment of life, if it's *healthy* for my mind/body/soul to include it, then I will. If I'm seeking solace in food/diving in with a 'shit, whatever' mood, I have GOT TO STOP AND SORT THE ISSUE. The answer is never custard.*
*Unless you are the eleventh doctor, my 6 year old argues. Custard (with fish fingers) can be the answer then.