Thursday, September 08, 2011

Slave to Food

I watched a new program on Sky the other night, 'Claire Richards: Slave to food'. I remember the Steps girls from my teens. Also remember being shocked at seeing the photos of Claire at her top weight, 16.5 stone. At 2 inches taller than me, she was slightly smaller than I was at the same weight:



That's the same BMI (so similar size) as I had at 15.5 stone. To know I'm a further 2 stone down from there now is a huge relief. She spoke about body dysmorphia (though she didn't label it, she stood in front of the mirror, at a healthy weight and looking fantastic, and stated that she couldn't see any change.

Watching her was difficult, mostly because we seem to have the same faulty brain-wiring when it comes to food and body image.
'If I'm upset, I'll eat. If I'm happy, I'll eat. If I'm sad, I eat. If I like the taste of something, I'll eat until I feel sick.'
I, like her, can overeat staggering amounts and chuck weight on very fast. Or work really hard to shed massive amounts, with high expectations and pushing too hard to maintain long-term. We both seem to be *too* goal orientated, then once the goal is reached, there's no motivation.

A GP Claire visited noted this, she advised to 'ditch diets, ditch goals, ditch targets. Instead get healthy.'

I've realised before that 'challenges' and all-or-nothing goals can be very harmful to me. As I do the shred this month I am wary of it interfering with my health (burning out, getting too tired, not running or bingeing) so far I've stuck to plan, I feel *better* each day for shredding, stayed healthy while the girls had a cold and am making progress on c25k. So while the Shred is helping with my fitness levels, it can stay.

Weightwatchers is no longer a diet, but a tool to a lifestyle change I'm in the process of making. I have 'goals' but they're aren't win/lose now in my mind, just aspirational, motivational dreams. That one day I will accomplish. If I don't get to 50lbs off for my birthday, it'll happen the next week. It's not a big deal, I will be healthier, I will be making the right choices.

Speaking of which - I had my driving theory test this evening. Finally got hold of the handbook on Monday, and read through it over today and yesterday. I was a little nervous, and my stomach was jumping as I went in on the bus. I sat and decided I could have some chocolate afterwards, either as a 'reward' or as a consolation prize.

Halfway through the test I realised what I was doing. Decided I would go and get chocolate *because I wanted some* and not to 'blame' a test for my eating behaviour.

I passed, and relieved went and bought the bar of Milka Daim (nom) it was 100g and the emotional eater me would have eaten the whole thing during the first 5 minutes of the bus journey. Instead I worked out the propoints, and decided to use a few weekly points to have some, as well as a chocolatey latte when I got in. To keep my hands busy I posted to Facebook and sent texts to Sam, my mum (who'd been to sit with the kids so I could go!) and my instructor.

Managed to get back home without eating anything as an emotional response. Gave most of the bar to Sam, leaving me able to eat my portion with no guilt and just enjoy the taste.. Quite chuffed with that!

Wednesday -
11194/4793 (4.7 miles)
30/30 propoints & 2 weekly (1173/1200 cals)

Thursday -
9598/4793 (4 miles)
30/30 propoints & 10 weekly (1470/1200 cals)

2 comments:

  1. I Love your blog. You speak so much sense, and things that count for me so much that you help me to think sense too.

    Exx

    ReplyDelete
  2. ^_^ feel similarly about chats I have/posts I read by you.

    ReplyDelete