Saturday, June 30, 2012

Making the right choices in the spur of the moment..

It's been a weird week, kind of busy - but not, lots of days of doing things that lasted a couple hours. Just not much time to plan or to be at home I guess.

After weighing in on Monday I came home and mooched about, planned the weeks' food and did the shop online. I did try the trampoline, and managed 5 mins while trying not to pee! Twisted my ankle while bouncing though, and spent the rest of the day hurting. In the evening we had Beavers, so Seth and I headed out for an hour of church bell ringing! Was nice to find out that even the smallest bell weighed a good 100kg more than me.

While ringing the 'tenor' (an 850kg bell) I realised that I'm really not as strong/fit as I need to be! And much wider I'd have struggled getting up the narrow stone staircase to the belltower.

On Tuesday we had our regular date with Rugbytots, took all the kids in this week, so the girls sat and watched while Seth helped out and Kai played. Then we went back to my mum-in-laws' after, and met with Sam and his family to celebrate his brothers' 31st last week.

We had a roast dinner, but I pointed it, didn't have any wheat bits like stuffing/yorkshires etc, and took the skin off my chicken leg. Sam also steered clear of wheat, and once I got in and pointed everything I worked out that I'd stuck to my daily allowance exactly ^_^

Wednesday morning I had a bit of time to get shopping sorted, before heading out to to visit a friend and her new teeny boy for snuggles. Had a lovely time chatting and having little guy cuddles before running across London to meet up with Shel and head to Brixton to see Alanis Morissette. I missed my train and so had to go up to Bridge and use the tube to Victoria, by the time I got there I was so sticky and my head was banging. I'm just too fat to cope with what I should be able to do. Still, I grabbed some water and pills as well as a snack pack of sushi and yoghurt to shovel down me while queueing. Once we got in I felt more human, well enough to be social with the Jack Daniels, but not enough that I'd decide eating crap was a good plan. Again, I stayed within my points for the day ^_^

Thursday was meant to be a quiet, calm day. Sam was at work and I would do housework stuff and relax - until my mum came up and noticed a lump on Maya's neck. I kind of remembered seeing it before, and seeing the same on Anya, but once I checked Anya and found no lump I got a bit worried and headed the the GP with a child of mine for the second ever time in 7 years. He decided it was just a branchial cyst and to keep an eye on it not growing/becoming infected. All good. We had a nice (hot!) walk and picked some flowers for the tortoises and had an ice cream each. Lovely ^_^

Once we got in I found that all 3 of the remaining dragon eggs had hatched/were hatching, so got the nursery viv cleaned and ready for 3 new occupants.

After getting ready for bed, found Daenerys (that's our motherdragon) laying again. Stayed up to check all ok and transfer 10 more eggs to the incubator. Went to bed a lot later than I had wanted considering I had to be awake and out by 7.45am the next day. Still another day on points.

Yesterday - I got up and out and over to Sydenham for 9.30, met my friend to go and be her 'support' while she attended an appeal meeting. Got to hold lush sleeping baby while she spoke and felt quite broody by the time my 30-40 mins long snuggly cuddle was up! We then walked up to Crystal Palace to get a cuppa. Again I was shocked at just how sweaty and hot and fat I am. Yuck. Had a coffee and shared (a yummy, but wheatfree, whoot) cake, before heading back to Croydon to find my brood and meet a HE friend for the afternoon at Beanies.

I was hungry, and suggested getting food there to Sam, he thought the menu wasn't great (there wasn't much without bread to be fair) and so we said we'd leave at about 4pm to get food. By the time we left we were all past hungry, the kids hadn't been given lunch and were playing up, and my idea (Nandos) was shut. We *should* have headed home, but Sam had the idea of pub food in his head, and I was tired, and hungry, and followed.

Long and short being - we went to the pub, I couldn't get a chance to look at the menu properly between keeping 4 kids calm and Sam going on about what he wanted. I said fine I'll have a HUGE burger - he said 'go on, what's one day?' and I let him influence me. Ugh. Ate the hugest burger in the world and have felt really rubbish since. My back and joints are aching again, I feel angry and paranoid and just disappointed in myself for eating it, and with Sam for not looking out for me the way I did for him :(

Still, tracked and everything, that's what weeklies are for. And no more eating out unplanned. And I am letting only me have control/influence over what goes into my body from now on.

Monday, June 25, 2012

'Joy's a bit of an anomaly'

previous weight - 234 BMI 40.2
current weight - 225.5 BMI 38.7
loss - 8.5lb
% loss - 3.63%

My leader reintroduced me to the group with the quote in the title. Heh. Couldn't agree more!

With having eaten all my weekly points, and not exercised, and being bloated because of where I am in my cycle, and still having eaten some wheat.. I managed to melt 8.5lbs!! Go body, go! What an awesome machine it is :)

Lost the weight of our littlest meow, Juno - she belongs to my youngest daughter, who carries miss Juno about with her hours every day. But then a furry purry kitty is nicer to carry about than lard squeezing your heart I guess. ;)

My scale aim for the week is to lose 2.5lbs, taking me a full 1lb under the 16 stone bracket.

My 'other' aim for the week is to do 30 mins trampolining on our new 8ft outdoor bouncy thing. :) 5 mins a day for 6 days should be doable, and will hopefully strengthen my joints a bit. 

Saturday, June 23, 2012

The numbers!

Monthly measurements :)










waist & *BB45      5442    5335    4835    4633    4331    4231    4231

*BB - while my waist is 45, I have a great accumulation of flab above the incision site from when an emergency caeserean was performed during the twins' birth. It is my 'problem' area, sticking out further than any other point on my body!!

'Healthchecks' (aim to do these every 2 months) - full measurements, BP etc.

Weekly Weigh-in

0. June 18th - 234lbs BMI 40.2
1. June 25th - 225.5lbs 
2. July 2nd - 222.5lbs
3. July 9th - 220lbs
4. July 16th - 222lbs
5. July 23rd - 225.5lbs
6. July 30th - 220lbs
7. August 6th - 218.5lbs
8. August 13th - 216lbs
9. August 20th - 213lbs
10. August 28th - 211lbs
11. September 3rd -
12. September 10th - 213lbs
13. September 17th - 215lbs
14. September 24th - 207lbs
15. October 1st -
16. October 8th - 203.5lbs BMI 34.9
17. October 15th - 201.5lbs
18. October 22nd - 198.5lbs
19. October 29th - 198.5lbs
20. November 5th - 195lbs
21. November 12th - 193.5lbs
22. November 19th - 190lbs
23. November 26th - 187.5lbs
24. December 3rd - 183.5lbs
25. December 10th - 185.5lbs
26. December 17th - 180.5lbs
27. December 24th - 178lbs
28. December 31st - 175lbs
29. January 7th - 173.5lbs BMI 29.8
30. January 14th - 171lbs
31. January 21st - 171lbs
32. January 28th - 176lbs
33. February 4th - 169.5lbs
34. February 11th - 178lbs
35. February 18th - 173lbs
36. February 25th - 180lbs
37. March 4th - 173lbs
38. March 11th - 174lbs
39. March 18th - 175lbs

48. May 20th - 199.8lbs
49. May 27th -
50. June 3rd -
51. June 10th -
52. June 17th -

Friday, June 22, 2012

Stressy day

Nothing major, but just a stress filled day.

Sam needed me to offload to, which is fine. But then I was left going batshit in my head for 6 hours. I had to book my smear, which levelled things up a bit, to multicolour sparkly style batshit. The kids are SO fed up of the rain, and were beginning to feel the sugar low (I can't have it in the house = they can't have it in the house) and I just felt so drained and hungry and BLEH!

But, I have myself a psychological secret shield. When I *feel* drained, and like I need more food to get enough nutrients etc, I can tell myself to hush, get a drink of water and 5 minutes of deep breathing first.. because I am pushing out the boat and spending an extra £5 a month on these -

So I took my supplements, drank a glass of water and spent 5 mins doing squats. And I did feel better. And I did eat nommy, healthy food. And I'm ready to crack on with the weekend and get to weigh in on Monday knowing I've made myself a healthier person than just a few days back, already!

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

The one where I realise how much BIGGER I am than I thought!!

Spent some time today doing myself a little 'health check' as well as getting Seth to take some picture for me. Poor child.

Weight - 234lbs
BMI - 40.2
Obese Class 3 : Morbid Obesity (
BP - 114/76
Pulse (resting) 87

Wearing size 22-24 clothes (just).
Bra size - 44E (using bra calculator)

Neck - 14.5"
Boobs - 50"
Right Arm (right at the fatty pit) - 16.5"
Left Arm - 17"
Waistline (smallest part just above navel) - 45"
Belly bulge - 54"
Hips - 50"
Right Thigh - 31.5"
Left Thigh - 31"

Body Fat calculator - 57.4%

Body Mass Index:  40.2  kg/m2
Waist-to-Height ratio:  0.70
Percent Body Fat:  57.4%
Lean Body Mass:  99.7 lb

                              You are overweight by 40.6 kilograms (89.2 pounds)
You need to exercise at least 30 minutes every day.

Minimum caloric requirements: 1788 Calories per day

Limit your food intake to 1519 calories per day.
to lose 2.0 pounds per month.
Your diet should contain at least 52 grams of protein per day.

Hip to Waist ratio - 0.90 (High Risk is >0.85)

You just need to wee really lots...

Anya (aged 4) today asked me why I was pouring milk into a measuring jug and placing it back in the fridge. I explained to her that I haven't been eating properly, have eaten too much 'bad food' and hurt my body by getting too much fat and not exercising enough. Measuring my food to make sure I'm getting the right amount is how I'm going to fix the damage.

She looked me up and down, and said "Yes, you is a lot fat. You need to do lots of really big wee's and eat your good things and sleep lots for energy then you be a right size again." I giggled and then thought about it and realised that yes, it really is that simple.

Today has been good - stuck to points and ate yummy good foods. Had a big slump at around 3pm where I kept nearly falling asleep. Just so messed up with blood sugar, dread to think how close I am to making myself diabetic. Had a big glass of water and felt a bit better, need to up my water intake (and then wee really lots).

Weighed Sam as well today - he had regained loads of weight too - but he's now starting a wheat free and non-soluble fibre exclusion diet to combat his colitis, so imagine he'll melt away, *sweary words* in his direction.

I am going to start running again. Intend to attempt day 1 of c25k tomorrow, and hope my knees don't beat me up too much.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Day One (Ver 5.2.6)

Got on the scale this morning, after a weekend of eating big food, and knowing what was coming.

I am weighing 234lbs. A whole 2lb bigger than my previous biggest. My BMI is 40.2 0_0

The only 'pro' I can see to this is that I can get some full length pictures, and have some really good before shots!

I am in so much discomfort. My body aches all over, I've listed before the many issues I face at this weight, I know there are many people heavier who manage to live normally. I truly don't see how.

I want to feel well. I want to run. I want to fit in my lovely clothes that make me feel happy. I don't want to hold my kids back because I can't keep up, and they are that much older now that this is going to happen soon if I don't fix me.

I'm looking forward to fitting back into my dresses. To not aching when I wake up. To getting up from the floor without bracing my weight because my knees hurt. To having more than one outfit that fits. To dressing myself with no thought other than wearing what is comfy, appropriate and happy-inducing. To going to see friends and not worrying about what they'll think of the state of me. To running and playing and dancing through life. To spending this last 15months of being in my twenties, setting myself up to LIVE my thirties fully.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

One serious fault, and the whole thing's bust

... that's how the test went too.

I was SO anxious. I had a major panic attack the day before while food shopping, and despite doing really good 4,7,8 abdominal breathing, and using positive reinforcement, I lost it, was a sweaty shaking mess at the checkout.

On the day I was terrified. Drove about for an hour before, everything seemed ok but I was so WIRED. It was awful.

Got to the centre, did the eye test and the under the bonnet stuff. Got in the car and broke out shaking/sweating. Got around and did my manoeuvre and emergency stop fine, but made a few minor faults through nerves and not checking mirrors in a sane order! About 10 minutes from the end of the test, having done my independent drive, and realising that all the 'bits' were done, I made a silly mistake.

I was waiting at a junction to turn right, I could see that I was close, so so close. I just had to be calm, and patient, and let it happen. Instead I saw what I thought was a gap in traffic and went for it. .. After half a second I clocked that wasn't going to work, and pulled back, but the damage had been done.

That moment of not being focused, of throwing myself forward before I was ready/needed to go, cost me my  pass.

Isn't that exactly how I mess up everything for myself?

So, test is rebooked for in a few weeks. I now believe that I can do it, but know I need to focus, to stay calm and to be patient. The rest will follow.

My serious fault as far as eating goes, was made back in late July 2009. I was through all the hard bits, weighing 148lbs, having lost 84lbs. And I messed up, jumped in too fast and gained back a couple lbs.

Here I am now, 3 years later. Back at 232lbs (pretty much, at least right now tonight post-dinner I am) and ready to re-sit the 'test'.

Wednesday, June 06, 2012

Welcome to The Hunger Games...

... Welcome! We salute your courage and your sacrifice and we wish you Happy Hunger Games! 

Yes, I'm back. It's June. Reaping month for the annual hunger games...

In one week, I will have sat my driving test. I started driving lessons last summer, when feeling all drummed up and 'fighty' after starting back at weightwatchers. As Sam's work situation went tits up again, I dropped the gym, stopped running, started comfort eating. BUT I kept taking the kids to their clubs/outings. Kept up with friends, kept on track with my driving lessons. I held on TIGHT to a few things, and in a week the most scary stressful one of those will ease up a bit (because, even if I feck up and don't pass, the fear of failing will be done and gone!)

So, I went back last week, weighed in at 16stone 5.5lb 0_0 Seems like that is my critical mass, anywhere 16st5-8lb ish and I think, "oh, yes, I am too big now."

The fortnight of 3 birthdays is done, and much MUCH cake has been eaten. As of tomorrow I am tracking again. I intend to get and stay wheat free (but after my test, don't need withdrawal jitters that day!) and start running again this month.

Plans.. I like them. May the odds be ever in my favour!!

Oh... cake...