Friday, November 23, 2012

Trying to ignore my doubting eyes..

Looking in the mirror today, I caught a glimpse of what I think I must truly look like now. When I look in the mirror it's as if I'm seeing both my shape now, and that of me at 234lbs, overlaid. There's a blurry area all around me, and I see a morbidly obese me staring back. Occasionally, for a split second at a time, I see a fitter, leaner looking woman, then my eye wavers, and she's gone.

234 - size 24
190 - size 16
There is a difference, no? My eyes struggle to see it. Though I know there must be, the drop of 4 dress sizes and many inches lost, the weight on the scale down over 40lbs. The fact that I can run/cycle/lift so much more, when walking upstairs had me out of breath.. of course there's a difference. While I can feel it, I am finding it very hard to see it.

I feel happy, I know that I am fitter and healthier and feel so, so much better than I have in a long time. I need to let my head catch up, and not worry. For the most part I'm not. I'm aware that trusting my weirdo brain to see my body 'normally' isn't a clever plan.

Instead I am focusing on what I CAN do. Today I showed Seth dumbbell rows - 100 of them with 2kg weights. I showed Kai how to do a plank, and held two for 30 seconds. I took the kids to swimming, (Seth got certificates and moved up a swimming group for next term), I went to the gym and worked myself hard.

Then, I started the 150 tricep dips program, as I really do want lovely solid arms, not wobbly wings!

Initial test I managed 18 dips, so pretty poor - but then I think I have done exactly zero dips ever before in my life - going to attempt to do dips after running of a night - so hopefully I'll be able to do 150 (!!?!) consecutive dips in a few weeks. And have lovely shapely arms.

Cycle lvl 5 Around The World 20min  10.5km
Treadmill hill 12 10min 1.06km 47m

Shoulder press 25kg 3x12
Fly  50kg 3x12
Leg press 75kg 3x12
Leg extension 47.5kg 3x12
Pull down 47.5 kg 3x12
Adductor 35kg 3x12
Abductor 56kg 3x12

29/29 ProPoints
1.5 litres
walked/cycled - 10.8 miles

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